Woody Allen once said that sex was the most fun he'd ever had without laughing. But laughing and sex are not mutually exclusive. Horniness brings on undignified behaviour, and it is all the more fun if we are in on the joke. This blog is a celebration of the funny side of sex and the sexy side of humour. As an author of erotic stories I like to show that sex is more fun when it is playful and silly.

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Friday, June 16, 2017

Darcy's Wet Dream

This is the first of two stories inspired by a visit to the offices of legendary Australian porn site Girls Out West, when I got to meet two of their staff/models, Darcy and Rosie.

Darcy from Girls Out West
“I wonder if I should bake her an apple pie?” wondered Darcy, as she luxuriated in the blue inflatable wading pool in her backyard. She was thinking about her neighbour Mrs. Jones, who had been watering the lemon tree in her front yard while Darcy was instructing the moving men where to put her furniture the day before. Mrs. Jones seemed very friendly, a warm smile lighting up her tanned face, strands of grey hair escaping the loosely formed bun.

But with the warm sun caressing her damp skin, it wasn’t long before Darcy’s mind wandered off in a different direction. She began thinking about a girl she really fancied at her work. Rosie was always getting up to mischief.

“If I were the boss, I’d give her a spanking,” Darcy grinned.

The thought of pulling Rosie over her knee and taking down her panties was all it took to drive Darcy over the edge.

“No-one’s around,” she told herself as she slid her right hand down the front of her full blue bikini bottoms and began rubbing her stiff clit.

Suddenly she was transported from the inflatable wading pool to a full-sized indoor swimming pool. And guess who was the lifesaver? None other than Rosie.

“Help! Help!” cried Darcy, pretending to drown. A very hammy performance, but it did the trick. Rosie, dressed in a tight blue one-piece with candy pink board shorts over the top, dived into the water and swam to her. The next thing she knew she was being dragged from the water. Rosie was stronger than she looked.

As soon as Rosie’s lips came down on hers to give her the kiss of life, Darcy slipped her tongue into her rescuer’s mouth.

“I don’t think you were drowning at all,” Rosie scolded her playfully. “I think you’re a horny little slut trying to take advantage of me.”

“No, really, I’m feeling faint,” Darcy insisted.

“Yes, you do look a little blue,” Rosie played along. “I think I better get you out of those tight restricting clothes.”

Back in the wading pool, Darcy untied her red bikini top and took it off. Then she slid off her bottoms and sat her nude bum down carefully on the plastic bottom of the pool. In her mind it was Rosie who had undressed her.

“What you need for your full recovery is pussy pleasure,” she declared, sucking on Darcy’s stiff pink nipples as she began running her finger lightly and teasingly across the little pink clit which stood up so proudly amongst Darcy’s curly red pubes. It wasn’t only pool water flowing from Darcy’s pussy.

Darcy wondered if they should be alone. Maybe not. What if there were a bunch of other hot girls there who couldn’t believe their luck to be witnessing such a sexy scene. Fifteen girls with their hands down their bikini bottoms - whimpering, wanting and wanking. Yes. Perfect. Darcy loved being watched.

Now Rosie needed to be naked. But how? Oh, let’s change the scenario. Now it’s a nudist swimming pool. Darcy’s been nude from the beginning and so has Rosie. And now all the wanking girls are nude too. Darcy can see their slim fingers sliding in and out of their juicy pussies. A definite improvement.

Rosie being silly
Darcy’s fantasies always began with a certain concern for realism, but the hornier she got and the faster she slid her fingers in and out of her quivering cunt, the more plot development and verisimilitude was washed away on a tide of nipple sucking, bum fingering and pussy juice showers all over her face.

By now Rosie had her bum pressed into Darcy’s face as she alternated between sucking on her clit and fucking her pussy with her tongue. With her mouth full of pussy, Rosie had to breath through her nose. It was a warm breeze that evaporated the wetness around Darcy’s sensitive arsehole. For her part, Darcy was licking Rosie’s hairy arsehole like it was a pink lollipop.

“I wonder if Rosie really does have a hairy arsehole that she likes having licked?” wondered Darcy. “Of course she does.”

Something about surrendering to the oncoming rush of orgasmic pleasure made Darcy feel like she was clairvoyant. She knew everybody’s secrets. And, by some strange coincidence, all of their secrets were really, really dirty.

Rosie brought Darcy to orgasm with her fingers and her tongue. As she quivered in an extended orgasm, each of the watching girls came over and squirted all over her face.

Back in the real world, Darcy opened her eyes and found herself looking into the eyes of another.

Apparently, when she’d shouted out “Help! Help!” in her dream, she had also done so in reality. And Mr. Jones, being a caring soul had leapt the fence to come to her aid. Instead he had spent the last ten minutes standing looking on in stunned silence, as his stark naked new neighbour played with her stiff pink nipples and fingered her juicy pussy. Understandably, he now had a very very hard cock.

“Oh, dear,” muttered Darcy, standing up and covering herself with a towel.

“Don’t worry, my dear,” he assured her. “We’re a very open-minded neighbourhood.”

“You must be Mr. Jones,” replied Darcy, remembering her manners and extending her hand.

Mr. Jones was too polite to mention that the hand Darcy had extend for him to shake was still wet with her pussy juice. By now he was so stiff that it was a wonder his cock wasn’t poking out over the top of his trousers.

That night, when Mr. Jones climbed into bed with his wife, she was in for quite a surprise. How long had it been? Seemed like ages. But now, as she felt her knickers come down, she wasn’t going to waste time wondering why. As her husband’s hands grasped the soft cheeks of her bottom and she felt the hardness of his cock slide home into her hot and hungry pussy, she was a happy woman.

Turns out Darcy had given her new neighbour something better than an apple pie.

Darcy thinks the story is funny