PSYCHO
Psycho is best remembered for its golden shower scene.
Frustrated office worker Marlon Crane is entrusted by his boss with delivering $40,000 to a client. Instead he takes the money and heads out on the highway. As night falls he pulls into a quiet motel that lies in the shadow of a creepy dark house. The clerk is a mousy socially awkward girl named Norma Bates. She shows Marlon her collection of stuffed birds and then leads him to his room.
Marlon is just washing off the sweat of his crime when the shower curtain is pulled back and there stands Norma with a huge butcher knife in her hand.
Marlon is so terrified that he loses control of his bladder and pisses all over Norma. Being a closet kink freak, this turns her on. She drops the knife, grabs Marlon's cock and drags him up to the dark old house for a fuck fest. Marlon thinks that all his Christmases have come at once, but he is a little troubled by Norma's insistence that he call her "Daddy"...
REAR WINDOW
Famous porn photographer L B "Jeff" Jeffries has a broken leg, the result of slipping in a pool of jism while at work. Now all he can do is sit in his apartment and look out the window. Through the windows of the apartments opposite he sees the residents engaging in various kinds of sex acts. He spends his time watching and jerking off. Every so often his heiress girlfriend Lisa Fremont pops by and catches him stroking his cock. She calls him a pervert, but it doesn't stop her from giving him a blow job.
One evening he sees the vastly overweight Lars Thorwald tie his wife to the bed. Just as the fat man is dropping his trousers, the excitement of what he's about to do takes its toll on the clogged arteries of his heart and he drops dead.
Jeffries phones Lisa and tells her what he has seen. She comes over and they decide she really needs to break into Thorwald's apartment and rescue his wife. Jeffries watches nervously as Lisa enters the apartment opposite and removes Mrs. Thorwald's ball gag. But it turns out that rescue is not what is top on Mrs. Thorwald's mind. Jeffries once more takes his cock in hand as he watches his girl friend strip naked and bury her face between Mrs. Thorwald's legs...
STRANGERS ON A TRAIN
Tennis champ Guy Haines is travelling by train one day when he happens to look over the shoulder of handsome young Bruno Anthony who is looking at a slim young starlet in his newspaper.
"I wish my wife looked like that," he says.
"Nah, she's too skinny," replies Anthony. "I like 'em chubby."
"You'd like my wife," Guy tells him. "She's really running to the fat these days. Disgusting it is."
"Mine's gone the other way," complains Anthony. "Always on a diet. Like fucking a skeleton."
"The grass is always greener on the other side, I suppose," Guy philosophises.
"Know what we should do?" says Anthony with a chuckle. "We should swap."
"Do you think they would go along with that?" queries Guy.
"They'll never know," explains Anthony, "that's the beauty of it. You seduced my wife and I'll seduce yours, and they'll never know we planned it."
"Because we're strangers?" says Guy, the light dawning on him.
"Yeah," says Anthony. "...on a train..."
ROPE
Brandon Shaw and Phillip Morgan are two arrogant cookery students. They have such a high opinion of their culinary skills that they decide to undertake a daring, some might say foolhardy, experiment. They invite all of their ex-girlfriends to a dinner party for which they have prepared the food, but, unbeknownst to their guests, they have jacked off in all of the dishes to be served.
The youths can't resist also inviting their cookery teacher Roberta Caddell to the party. With her sensitive taste buds she could be the pair's undoing. Roberta is a part-time dominatrix who knows just how to punish those who would dare to play a dirty trick on her.
THE THIRTY NINE STEPS
Richard Hannay decides to give his wife a surprise on Valentine's Day. Normally he works late at the office on a Friday, but on this evening he comes home early. Hannay lives in an apartment block in London where all the rooms lead off of identical looking corridors. Being a little bit tipsy after a few beers on the way home, he mistakes the number 88 for 89 and enters the wrong apartment. Nobody locks their doors when they are at home. Hannay undresses and climbs into bed next to someone he assumes to be his wife. It is only as he begins to fondle her naked body that he realises his mistake.
"You're not Bertie!" cries the blonde beauty, clutching the bedclothes over her heaving bosom.
"And you're not Agatha," he informs her.
Just at that moment Bertie comes through the door.
"How dare you try to rape my wife!" cries the furious bowler-hatted business executive.
"He wasn't raping me," his wife tries to explain.
"So you wanted it did you, you filthy slut!" exclaims Bertie, opening the window and leaning out to yell, "Police! Police!" But he slips on a dildo that his wife has left lying on the floor and falls out the window, plummeting to his death on the street far below.
"Oh, dear," says the gorgeous blonde. "Now we're in the shit! By the way, my name's Pamela."
"Richard," our hero replies. "Glad to make your acquaintance."
When the police arrive they assume that Richard and/or Pamela have murdered Bertie by pushing him out of the window. They only have one pair of handcuffs, so they handcuff the pair together.
"Hey, look," shouts the resourceful Pamela, "that chappie in the apartment opposite just lit up a reefer!"
The police run off to catch the dope fiend, and Richard and Pamela, still stark naked and handcuffed together run downstairs, steal the police car and drive off.
"Where shall we go?" asks Pamela.
"Let's head for Scotland," suggests Hannay.
But little do they know that Bertie was the head of a criminal organisation called The Thirty Nine Steps that will pursue them even more ruthlessly than the police.
I, CONFESS
Father Michael William Logan is a young Catholic priest working in Quebec. He is good friends with Otto Kellar, the church caretaker.
Each day Father Michael hears the confessions of his flock. The confessional is a very private place, and everything that Father Michael hears there must be held in the strictest confidence.
One day, Father Michael takes a confession which is every priest's worst nightmare.
His friend Otto Keller enters the confessional.
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned," he begins.
"What has been troubling your conscience, my son?" queries Father Michael.
"I'm not sure how to tell you this..." begins Otto hesitantly.
"You can tell me," Father Michael assures him. "We are all sinners in the eyes of the Lord, but he takes pity upon us."
"Are you sure it's O.K.?" Otto seems doubtful.
"Yes, I'm sure it's O.K. Just spit it out, there are others waiting," Father Michael tells him impatiently.
"Well," says Otto. And then follows that up with the four words that every priest fears more than any other. "I'm fucking your mom."
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