Woody Allen once said that sex was the most fun he'd ever had without laughing. But laughing and sex are not mutually exclusive. Horniness brings on undignified behaviour, and it is all the more fun if we are in on the joke. This blog is a celebration of the funny side of sex and the sexy side of humour. As an author of erotic stories I like to show that sex is more fun when it is playful and silly.

You can find my humorous erotic ebooks on I-Tunes, Kobo, Barnes & Noble and Smashwords. They are always free!!!

Showing posts with label romance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label romance. Show all posts

Sunday, October 24, 2021

Hallowdream

Image by tverdohlib


They first met on Halloween. They were just kids then. She was dressed as a pirate, with an eye patch and a hook and a papier-mâché parrot which kept falling off of her shoulder. He was a ghost. His mother would be furious when she learned that he had cut holes in a perfectly good bedsheet.

She was coming down the path from the Hinkle place as he was was walking up.

“Hardly worth the bother,” she informed him. “You’ll only get an apple.”

Her parrot fell off once again and hit the ground.

He bent down and picked it up and handed it back.

“I think you should keep it,” she said. “I think it’s as dead as you are.”

Later in the evening they ran into each other again and spent some time comparing notes on their takings. He thought she was strange. He liked strange people.

That was the Halloween of 1968. They were ten years old.

On Halloween of 1978 they took each other’s virginity.

It was after a costume party. By two in the morning they had had their fill of dancing and laughing with their crazily costumed comrades. Laura was dressed as a zombie – mask with greenish skin and one dangling eyeball, tattered dress and body paint to indicate decaying flesh and exposed bones. Sam was The Wolfman – hairy mask with built-in fangs, thick chest wig under a leather jacket, and torn jeans with hirsute and clawed feet which slipped easily over his own bare feet.

Sam drove them to the top of the hill overlooking the old Shepherd place, a farm where they loved to walk, to hold each other and to kiss.

“People have always told me to beware of the Big Bad Wolf,” Laura smiled, reaching over and burying her ghoul fingers in his fake chest hair.

“You should be afraid, very afraid, Little Red Rotting Flesh,” he purred. “I get very hungry when the moon is full.”

“So do I, “ she replied. “I think we are just going to have to eat each other,”

He pulled the mask off over his head and set it aside. Then he pulled Laura’s off too. With her disheveled hair and pale sweaty skin she looked unspeakably ravishing to him.

“Do werewolves have hairy boners?” she asked, unzipping his jeans and fishing out his rock hard cock.

“You’re awful hot for a corpse,” he growled, reaching up under her torn dress and hooking his fingers into her panties. “This body paint tastes terrible though.”

“I don’t have any paint on my pussy,” she pointed out.

On Halloween ten years later they were married and they owned the Shepherd Place. For eight years they had been living there and growing corn. It wasn’t enough to live on, so she had an on-line clothing business and he was a part-time mechanic in the nearby town.

Now they celebrated Halloween on their own, cuddling in front of a scary movie, eating pumpkin pie and ending the night with some appropriately-themed role-play.

“This movie is scaring me stiff,” he would always say at some stage while watching the movie.

“Good. Stiff is the way I like you best,” she would reply.

“Are you enjoying the movie?” he would ask.

“It’s scaring my pants off,” she would answer.

“Good. That’s the way I like you best,” he would respond.

By the end of the evening the lounge room had become Camp Crystal Lake. The fire crackling and  popping in the fireplace provided campfire vibes.

Sam crouched behind a chair wearing a hockey mask and holding a plastic replica of Rambo’s knife.

Laura lay naked and masturbating in a pool of moonlight. A perfect, sexually uninhibited, victim for Jason on this Halloween Friday the 13th. With her left hand she fondled her full soft breasts. She licked her lips and moaned softly. The moonlight glistened on her slick wet fingers and as they slid in and out between the soft swollen lips of her pussy.

Sam thought he’d never seen a sight so beautiful.

“When are you going to attack me?” she whispered, between moans.

“All in good time,” Sam whispered back. “God, I love watching you.”

“You’re supposed to be angry about what a slut I am,” she scolded. “You’re supposed to be more interested in my intestines than my pussy. If you don’t jump on me soon, I’m gonna cum.”

And she did. She started to quiver all over and then she squirted all over the rug.

Sam jumped out from behind the chair and straddled her, holding his knife aloft. He could feel her juices soaking into the seat of his pants.

“And so you fall into my trap, Jason,” she cried, swinging her right fist up to knock the knife out of Sam’s hands. Then she rolled him over onto his back and quickly tied his hands together with a piece of rope which had been lying near the fireplace.

“Let’s see what lies beneath the mask,” she mused, pulling it away and coming up close to look deep in his eyes. “Mmmmm. Kind of cute. Pity you are an unbelievably evil serial killer.”

Sam spat in her face, deciding he should play up to his characterisation and somewhat frustrated by his character’s inability to say anything.

“You cheeky sod!” she exclaimed. “I have a better use for your saliva.”

The soft silky globes of her bottom, glowing golden in the firelight, descended onto his face.

While Sam sucked the juices from her warm pussy lips, she unzipped his pants and pulled them down to free his stiff cock.

“This is the only thing I want to be stabbed with, Jason,” she purred, giving it a playful lick.

She stood up, turned around and then slowly lowered herself onto his manhood, carefully guiding it with one hand.

“Can you see now that there are some things which are even more fun than killing and disembowelling teenagers?” she asked.

Sam nodded vigorously and then they came together.

“Pity I can’t trust you,” Laura sighed. “I’m still going to have to keep you tied up in my cellar. But don’t worry. I’ll look after you well.”

Ten years later, Sam was dead and Laura was living in the farmhouse alone.

Strangely enough, it had happened on Halloween night three years previously.

For six months, Sam had been away working on an oil rig. They hated being apart, but the money was good. Halloween was their special time though and they were determined to spend it together.

It was a stormy afternoon as Sam drove home. All going well he should arrive in the early evening. The windshield wipers were barely up to the job of clearing the wall of water from in front of his eyes. The wind was shaking the trees. Every so often he had to drive around a fallen branch. There was the flash of lightning and the boom of thunder.

With a splintering crash a huge branch fell across the rode in front of his truck. There was no way he would be able to move it. But he was damned if he was going to spend Halloween night sitting in a truck in the rain.

It was only another half mile to get home. He would walk it. He thought about the warmth of the fire once he got there. That and the warmth of his wife’s love.

The rain drenched his clothes instantly. The rain blinded him. But he ploughed on.

He pictured his destination in his imagination. He pictured it on a sunny day. The blue sky, the green fields of wheat, the scarecrow Laura had dressed in some of his old clothes, the old-fashioned farm house, the old tree with the tire swing…

It happened just as he crested the hill and saw the light in the windows. It was just a blur to his rain sodden eyes but he knew were he was.

And then he was gone. He didn’t even see the flash of the lightning which took his life.

Laura had an anxious night. The following day was the worst of her life.

Now, three years later, she felt that the moments of joy in her life were respites from a larger sense of emptiness. And Halloween was hard to bear.

This year she went to bed early.

And she had a dream.

It began when she looked out the window of the farmhouse and saw something unusual. The scarecrow was waving at her. She waved back.

The next thing she knew, there was a knock on the front door. She opened it.

“Don’t be scared of me,” said the scarecrow.

“I’m not,” she replied. “I suppose you are just looking for directions to get to the yellow brick road.”

“I’ve been watching over you,” he explained.

“I’ve felt you,” she confessed, and now she didn’t feel like she was talking about the scarecrow.

“I came this way, because he was already wearing my clothes,” the straw man added.

“Sam…” she began, a tear falling from her eye. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I haven’t missed you at all, because I’ve never been away,” he told her. “I couldn’t let go. You’re supposed to let go. But you held me like a magnet. I flow in nature now, but I only flow in those places which are close to you. The frustration is that I can’t touch you. I can be the breeze that caresses your naked skin, but I can only be it, I can’t control it. I can’t make anything happen that would touch your life. Except this dream. Because it’s Halloween and Halloween is magic.”

And the more they talked the less he was a scarecrow and the more he was Sam. Eventually he was Sam as Sam had been and they were lying naked in each other’s arms. He made love to her with three solid years of hunger and she received it with three solid years of yearning.

In the morning, she awoke feeling satiated. No more did she long for Sam. To her it seemed that Sam was everywhere and always. She and Sam were one.

When she went out into the cornfield she saw that the scarecrow was gone. Where it had been was a newly sprouted pumpkin vine.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Sleeping Beauty and Prince Pervert : A Sunday Snog



The Sunday Snog is an institution created by Victoria Blisse. The idea is to post a snogging scene from one of your books (or create a new one). For more information check out her blog. Today's snog is an original.


Sleeping Beauty and Prince Pervert




Once upon a time, Prince Pervert was riding his mighty black steed through the magic forest, when he came to a large clearing. There, in the middle of the open space, dappled by the golden rays of sunlight which filtered down through the leaves, lay the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She lay upon a bed of stone which was carved to support each curve of her very curvy body. And she was dressed in the opulent gown of a princess.


This was Sleeping Beauty. Many years before a witch had put a curse on her that she would sleep for eternity, unless a prince should kiss her upon the lips.


"Wake up, Miss," said the Prince, shaking Beauty's shoulder. She made no response. The Prince could feel that she was alive. He could feel her pulse. But she seemed to be in some kind of coma.


"This is a situation I can turn to my advantage," the evil Prince said to himself. His nickname had not come to him for no reason. He had earned it by his many depraved actions.


Much as he admired Beauty's dress, he was more keen to admire what lay beneath it, and so he slowly stripped her naked, lovingly fondling each newly revealed expanse of soft, pale flesh. She had the most gorgeous breasts, like big scoops of vanilla ice-cream topped with strawberries. She had a gently curving belly with a cute little button in the middle. And her pussy lips were fat and pink, decorated by a forest of pubes which shone in the sun like spun gold. And her sleep must have been accompanied by sexy dreams, because a creamy juice leaked from between them. The Prince gently turned her over to admire the peachy cheeks of her snow white bottom. And he kissed it gently. There was nothing of roughness in his behaviour, shameless pervert that he was. He would spy on women when they thought they were fucking or masturbating unobserved, he would expose himself to nuns,  he would masturbate into old lady's panties and then put them back on the clothesline, but physical violence was abhorrent to him.


"If she's in a coma," surmised the Prince, "she's not going to know anything about it if I fuck her. It'll do her no harm and me a lot of good, since seeing her naked body has made my cock quite painfully stiff."


And so he stripped naked and mounted Sleeping Beauty. Her slippery pussy seemed to welcome his hot and throbbing prick as he slid it home with a sigh of satisfaction.


The fact that she made no response, but lay limply beneath him, would have been off-putting to a lesser man. But when something felt sick or wrong, to Prince Pervert that just added to the appeal. And soon he was arching his back and shooting his load deep within Beauty's warm and wet, if unresponsive, pussy.



"Thank you, Miss, for giving me such pleasure on this fine morning," said the Prince, rhetorically.


Then he made a big mistake. Looking down at Beauty's plump ruby red lips, he decided that he should top off his pleasures by pressing his own lips against them. Still naked, he bent down, slid his hand gently beneath her flaxen hair and brought his moustachioed lips down upon hers. The feel of those sweet lips against his was a pleasure which eclipsed that of her other lips against his cock. There was magic in that kiss.


And then the Prince's heart nearly stopped in shock, when Beauty's sapphire blue eyes shot opened, and her lips also opened, allowing her soft wet tongue to invade his mouth. Beauty was quite the snogger.


But then, as they pulled away from each other, she looked down at the Prince's body with some shock.


"Why are you naked!?!" she cried. "And why is your cock dripping with cum?" And then she looked down her own body. "And why am I naked!?! And why is there cum all over my pussy?"


"It's not what it looks like," replied the Prince desperately.


"You fucked me, didn't you!?!" screamed Beauty. "You prick!!! You fucked a girl in a coma!!!!" Then she grabbed the Prince by his ornate collar and slapped his face hard. And then she used her other hand and slapped him equally hard with that one.


The Prince leapt to his feet and ran off into the forest with the naked Beauty in hot pursuit. Since she had been asleep for 20 years, she was well-rested, while the Prince was all worn out from fucking her. So quite quickly he collapsed against a tree and she caught up with him. She kicked his shins, she punched him in the face, and she even slapped his cock.


"Oh, yeah," moaned the Prince. "Hit me more. Hit me more. I love it." And sure enough his cock was growing really stiff once more. He really was an all around pervert.




"It's very, very wrong to fuck a girl while she is asleep," Beauty insisted. "A gentleman always wakes a girl up first so that she can enjoy it too."


"I didn't know I could wake you up," pleaded the Prince.


"Ignorance is no excuse," Beauty told him, smacking the head of his cock so that it waved back and forth like a metronome.


"I'm truly sorry," replied the Prince, and he meant it.


"You know that I could tell your Fairy Godmother," warned Beauty. "And she would probably turn you into a pumpkin."


"How did you know I have a Fairy Godmother?" asked the Prince.


"Don't be silly," she responded. "Everyone has a Fairy Godmother."


"Well, mine is already pissed at me," the Prince confessed. "So please don't tell her."


"I think you can make things up to me," replied Beauty with an evil smile. "There are three things I really love - having my titties sucked and my clit licked ; perving at gorgeous men like yourself in the nude ; and being gangbanged. So, if you promise to orally pleasure me at least five times a day, never wear any clothes and invite your friends over every Friday night for a gangbang, you can marry me and take me back to live in your palace. If you don't your Fairy Godmother will have the whole story."


The Prince pretended that Beauty was striking a hard bargain. But, really, the only thing that was hard was his cock as he anticipated their life together.


And so they lived sleazily ever after.


The End

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Romance Language : Wank Wednesday


In the beginning was the Word, and the word was #word.  That's right, today's Wank Wednesday prompt word is, in fact, #word. It comes from Ruby Kiddell at The Erotic Notebook. Go there to find out more about this writing challenge and to find links to other participant's stories.

Romance Language : Wank Wednesday




You may know her as Celeste Harrington, author of Rodeo Romeo, Infidelity in Istanbul and Passion in Paraguay. I know that her real name is Ida Scraggs and she's lived all of her forty-two years in Melbourne. She's my ex-wife.

We lived together for twelve years. We were good together too, but when she caught me with another woman it ended. I didn't blame her. Everyone has to chose what they want in life, and what she wanted was no longer me.

I moved to the U.S. and started up a men's magazine. That was ten years ago. It wasn't the right time for it. The internet had already eaten up most of the wank mag business. So I went bust. Ended up scraping a meagre existence writing porn paperbacks for Viscount Press. They'd been around since the fifties. Now they were releasing their range in ebooks as well as print so they were managing to stay afloat. There wasn't much money in it, but it paid for my burgers and beer.


Then my dad died and left me $5,000. I was homesick for Melbourne, so I decided to use the money to return there and look for a place to live. I could write smut anywhere. It might as well be somewhere I could get a decent beer.

At first I was hesitant about contacting Celeste. But she wasn't one to hold a grudge. It wasn't anything personal anymore. I'm sure she had someone new and my misdeeds of the past would be the least of her concerns. And she was the only person I could think of who might put me up while I looked for a flat.

I emailed her. She was happy to catch up. I was right and wrong about her having someone new. She'd had plenty of guys, but at the moment she was on her own.

She met me at the airport. To me it didn't seem like she had changed at all. She was wearing a light floral summer dress. Her brown hair was kind of a mess, pulled back behind her head but with strands hanging down the sides. I suppose there was a tinge of grey to it now, and maybe deeper laugh lines around her eyes, but I still wouldn't have kicked her out of bed for farting even after all these years.

"God," she said. "You look terrible. You obviously haven't been eating properly."

"You wouldn't know a real man if you tripped over him," I replied. "You live in romance land, populated by blokes in whose ripped muscular bodies beat hearts as soft as poofters."

"I don't know how a lady of my refinement ever ended up marrying such a Neanderthal," she scowled.

"I bet you haven't had a decent root since I left," I smiled.

"I never found out what a decent one was until I dumped you," she responded.

"So seriously, how is the old romance lark?" I asked her once we had got to her house and stowed my luggage in the guest bedroom.

"I'm doing well enough," she told me. "It's hard work though. No matter how good the writing is, you really need the quantity to make a living at it. What about you? What are you up to these days?"

"Thinking about getting into a new line of work," I admitted. "I've been writing porno novels. There's very little money in it. And hardly anyone is buying the stuff I write. The readers are just so jaded and only the kinkiest and sickest books sell. Nobody wants good clean wholesome smut anymore. I mean look at some of the other titles that Viscount are publishing," I said, calling up a list on the computer. "Tamed by the Torturer, Incest and Peppermints, Loving Lassie..."


"'Loving Lassie'?" she queried. "That sounds like a Scottish period romance."

I showed her the cover.

"Oh..." she said, looking a little pale.

"There must be something else I can write," I sighed.

One thing I'd always loved about Celeste was her cooking. That evening she made lasagne.

As she was preparing the ingredients, with an red and white checkered apron over her dress, I came up behind her and began fondling her buttocks. They were incredibly soft, but still shapely.

"Why don't I sleep in your bed tonight," I suggested. "We could both do with a bit of a clean out of the old pipes."

"You've really lost none of your debonair charm, have you?" she laughed, pushing my hands away.

I wasn't able to persuade her, so that night I slept in the guest bedroom.

"Why don't you try writing romance?" she asked the next morning at breakfast. She was sitting there drinking her coffee in a baggy pink tracksuit which had seen better days.

"You really think I could write that kind of stuff?" I queried.

"Well, it ends up with sex scenes," she pointed out. "You just have to be more subtle and long-winded about how you get there. More time describing the sea and the sky and less time describing the body parts."

"I've never thought of myself as a romantic," I pointed out.

"It's not up to you to supply the romance," she explained. "That's for the reader. You only have to learn to provide a framework for them to hang their dreams on."

So I decided to give it a go. Celeste agreed that I could stay on for a bit while she attempted to show me the ropes.

"How's this?" I asked later that day, showing her what I had written :

The sheikh swept her up in his arms beneath the desert moon. He made her his own with a passionate kiss on the lips, much as he might brand one of his camels with a hot iron. Her tender heart twitched liked a newborn rabbit, as he bore her to his tent. As the wind whipped the sand into eddies around their fragile shelter, he lay her down upon a pile of silken cushions and, with great relish, unwrapped the sweet delights of her soft form. Then he proudly threw off his robes, grasped his jizz-filled fuck stick in his hand and shoved it up her twat. 


"It's starts well," Celeste conceded. "But, you see, it's all a matter of the words you use. What's happening is just the same. It's all about fucking, but you have to make it sound like it is something different from what you see the animals doing at the zoo."


Half an hour later I showed her something new :

There in the woods, with the glittering gowns and whirling waltzes of the Grand Ball still swirling in our heads, we embraced with a heated passion that burned like the furnaces in the dark satanic mills. We transported each other to a rare etherial realm where fairy folk serenaded us on the pan pipes as we lost our raiments and our inhibitions. Our love was like a mighty wave that reached a foaming crescendo as my body melded to hers. And, then, when our ecstasy could reach no higher peak I bathed her visage in the excess of my adoration.

"What does that last bit even fucking mean?" asked Celeste.

"I came in her face," I said.

"Maybe I'm wrong," she sighed, shaking her head. "Maybe you really don't have it in you."

"Don't you ever want the real thing?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" she wanted to know.

"Well, you write about people making passionate love in glamorous places, but here you sit in a suburban home in Melbourne in a pair of trackie dacks that would give Casanova a soft-on," I explained.

"Sure, I'd love to sip champagne in Paris in a Yves St. Laurent dress while an Archduke kisses my hand," she admitted. "But it just isn't going to happen."

"But that isn't what romance is really all about," I told her. "It isn't about places or clothes or even good looks. It's about how you can make a person feel. Smile in the right way, open your heart to the one in your arms, show them that you treasure them for all that they are, and you can make them feel like a million dollars. You used to be able to do that to me. The last few years I've felt like a piece of shit, because that is all anyone took me for. But when I saw you there at the airport, I remembered that with you it was different."

"But I wasn't enough for you, was I?" she asked.

"No, you weren't," I admitted. "And I'm sure I wasn't enough for you. But romance is not about sufficiency, it's about electricity. And you can't keep lightning in a bottle."

"If you're a genius at anything," she said, "it's making excuses. But you're right. Having you around has put a spark back in my life too. I can laugh with you. And I can be myself. That counts for a lot, and I don't intend to take it for granted."

"He enveloped her in his manly arms," I began, fitting actions to words. "And pressed the hardness of his lips against the softness of hers."

Her mouth opened and I felt her tongue slide into my own.

"You're tracksuit may be of the finest silk, milady," I told her, "but it is no match for the silkiness of your pure white skin."

I unzipped her tracksuit top and pulled it off of her shoulders. Then I crouched in front of her and yanked  down the bottoms. She was wearing a sensible support bra and white cottontails.

"I, also, will divest myself of my vestments," I declared. "If we are bound for paradise then let us be clad as Adam and Eve before us."

I tore my t-shirt over my head, pulled off my shoes and socks, unzipped my jeans and pulled them down. I stood in just my underpants.

"My love for sweet Celeste grows inside my codpiece like a mighty oak," I soliloquized.

"You might be overselling it a bit there," she told me.

"Romantic hyperbole, my dear," I assured her. "Nothing more."

Then I slid off my last garment and twisted my hips so that my stiff cock swung proudly before her.

"I must feast my eyes upon my fair lady's bosom," I declared, "and upon the juicy cunt that soaketh through her panties."

"It's not exactly 'You had me at hello'," she laughed. "But I'll give you points for trying."

I unclipped her bra and set her soft pale boobs free to swing above her belly. Then I pulled down her panties and slapped her playfully on the bum.

"Let us away to the fuck chamber!" I cried, picking her up in my arms and carrying her to her bed.

I pulled her tight in my arms, her legs wrapped around my waist and my cock slid happily home into her warm wet pussy.

"You're my home, you know that, don't you?" I told her. "In your arms, and in your pussy, is the only place in this whole crazy fucked-up world where anything makes any sense."

"I know," she said, "I can tell. And I'd rather be here with you than with some hunky cowboy in Texas or some oil sheik in Bahrain."


And so, as the sun sank slowly over the western suburbs of Melbourne, glinting off of the chrome bumpers of half-dismantelled Holden cars in many a back yard, and as the blow-flys floated over the piles of canine excrement set like jewels in the green cloak of the kikuyu grass, Celeste and I drifted off into an erotic wonderland of pussy-twitching and jism-spurting exultation, and all was right with the world.

The End

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Rules of the Island : A Sunday Snog



Victoria Blisse has created a new institution know as the Sunday Snog. You can find out more about it (and find links to other contributions) at her blog. Basically, the idea is to post a kissing extract from one of your stories (or perhaps write a new one for the occasion.) Mine comes from my unfinished novel Vanessa's Island. If you hunt around you can find more of it posted on this blog.


Rules of the Island




Vanessa started the water running in the bath, while I looked around her bedroom. She had a big, double bed in the middle with a large floral quilt thrown over it. I examined the titles on her small bookshelf. Literary classics, reference books, romances by herself and a few competitors, The Joy of Sex...I looked at the few photos of family, friends, herself as a child and at college.

Then a piece of paper on her bedside table caught my eye. It was some kind of hand-written notes.

“Oh, don’t look at that,” said Vanessa anxiously, as she came out of the bathroom. She tried to snatch it out of my hand but I hid it behind me.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Oh, all right,” conceded Vanessa. “When I was thinking about asking you to move in, I started to think up some rules of the household. Then I got a bit carried away and dreamed that we would be establishing a new sexy utopia. So I came up with my Rules of the Island. It was just a bit of fun.”

“Let’s see,” I said, reading her notes: 

“’Rule 1: No clothing to be warn at any time, except sexy lingerie.’

“But I don’t look very good in lingerie,” I commented.

“That’s for me, silly,” she explained. “All the better to tease you with. Anyway, I like the slippery, silky feeling against my skin. But don’t worry, you can pull my panties down anytime you like.”

My prick, which had been only half-erect up until now, became rock-hard at this thought.

“Here ye, here ye, here ye,” proclaimed Vanessa in a deep voice, “all gentlemen present who wish to adopt motion one please raise your cocks.” Smiling down at my rampant stiffy, Vanessa’s voice changed back to normal. “Oh, goody! Motion carried unanimously.”

“Moving right along,” I continued.

“’Rule 2. All indoor bathing is to be communal, in the interested of water conservation.’

“I think we’ve already decided on that one,” I said. “Which reminds me, one of us had better turn that water off before it overflows.”

“Woops. Almost forgot,” cried Vanessa, her juicy bottom jiggling deliciously as she ran back into the bathroom. “Water’s ready,” she said, when she emerged. “Let’s read the rest in the tub. It doesn’t matter if the paper gets wet. I have it commited to memory.”

“I bet you do, you naughty girl,” I laughed, giving her a playful slap on the butt.

“You get in first,” she said, pouring in some aromatic bath oils.

I lowered myself slowly into the water, relishing the warm wetness as it engulfed me. A delicious languidness swept through my being.

“Come on in,” I said to Vanessa, “the water’s wonderful.”

She stept over the side of the bath and gently placed her right foot next to my left thigh. With her other foot positioned in a similar position on the other side, and her hands on the sides of the bath, she slowly lowered herself into the water. I loved the way her legs spread casually in front of me as she squatted down revealing her sweet pussy lips for a moment before they sank beneath the water. At last her soft bottom came to rest on my feet.

“Is that all right?” she asked. “My bum on your feet doesn’t bother you, does it?”

“No,” I said. “I love it, because I can do this.”

I pulled my right foot out from under her bum and used my big toe to tickle her pussy.

“Mmmmmmmmm,” she said. “Motion two was definitely a good idea.”

“Let’s have a look at Rule 3,” I suggested, reading from the piece of paper which I had propped up in the soap tray.

“’Rule 3: A daily tax is to be paid by the subjects of the island (David and Vanessa) to the rulers of the island (David and Vanessa) in the form of kisses, which can be deposited on any part of the body that either subject or ruler should request. Amount not to fall below 50 kisses per day. And no fair kissing yourself.’

“Sounds good to me,” I said. “Let’s see how it works in practise. Loyal subject David requests to deliver his first payment to Queen Vanessa’s lovely bottom."



“You would ask for something difficult,” complained Queen Vanessa, as she stood up, giving me a scrumptious view of her wet nakedness. Turning around carefully, she bent down slightly. I knelt up, pushing my stiffness against the back of her leg, as I buried my face in the soft, milkiness of her left butt cheek and planted a kiss there.

“Now it’s your turn,” I said, as she lowered herself back into the water facing me.

“All right,” she said. “Loyal subject Vanessa requests to kiss King David on the lips.”

“Sounds good to me,” I replied.

“You don’t get a say in it,” Vanessa explained. “All requests, from subjects or royalty have to be obeyed regardless. We may have a king and queen, but this is a utopia, which means that everybody has the same rights. Now if I’m going to kiss you on the lips you are going to have to come closer.”

I slid my bum down the bath, pulling Vanessa towards me as I did so. This led to her sitting right in my lap, straddling my hard cock, with her soft, slippery, soapy boobs sliding all over my chest. For the first time, my cock slid deep into the warm wetness of her pussy, as her soft lips met mine. I was in heaven, but only for a moment.

“That was delicious,” said Vanessa as she slid back down the bath. “But there’s no room to fuck properly in a bath. That will have to wait. Now for royal decrees. Queen Vanessa requests that loyal subject David kiss her left nipple.”

I knelt up and placed my lips on Vanessa nipple. I sucked it gently between them and played with it with my tongue.

“Mmmm,” said Queen Vanessa, “I might just have to knight you for that one. Now it’s your turn.”

“Ummmm,” I said. “I don’t know what place to pick.”

“Where do you want it most, David?” asked Vanessa, with a smile. “I think you’re thinking of somewhere, but you’re embarrassed to say it. Now be honest. I’ll know if you’re not. What was the first thought that crossed your mind.”

“All right,” I said, resignedly. “King David requests that loyal subject Nessa kiss the end of his dick.”

“I knew it,” said Vanessa, “there’s no sense trying to hide anything from me. That was the first thing you thought about when you read rule 3 wasn’t it?”

“Well,” I pleaded, “a guy’s only human. And you really don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”

“Don’t be silly,” said Vanessa, “I love kissing dicks. It’s only your lack of imagination I’m poking fun at. There’s loads of other lovely places to be kissed, too. Now we better stick him under the tap and wash the soap suds off, so I can kiss him properly.”

Once this had been done, I knelt up, while Vanessa, holding my prick loosely with her right hand, bent down and wrapped her tender lips around my glans, at the same time lapping the tip gently with her tongue.

“Oh, yeah,” I sighed.

“So I take it Motion 3 is carried,” Vanessa asked as we sat down again.

“Definitely,” I agreed.