Woody Allen once said that sex was the most fun he'd ever had without laughing. But laughing and sex are not mutually exclusive. Horniness brings on undignified behaviour, and it is all the more fun if we are in on the joke. This blog is a celebration of the funny side of sex and the sexy side of humour. As an author of erotic stories I like to show that sex is more fun when it is playful and silly.

You can find my humorous erotic ebooks on I-Tunes, Kobo, Barnes & Noble and Smashwords. They are always free!!!

Showing posts with label peeping toms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label peeping toms. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Time to Fold : Wank Wednesday


Today's Wank Wednesday prompt word is #paper. To find out more about this writing challenge and to find the links to the other stories check out Ruby Kiddell's Erotic Notebook.

Time to Fold




Journal of Eccentric Sporting Tournaments (JEST), October 2011

An Interview with Sam Kensington, World Champion in the Art of Freestyle Erotogami (The Ancient Japanese Art of Sexually Explicit Paper Folding), 1970-75.

JEST : Paper folding isn't a physically demanding sport, so why retire in your mid-sixties?

Sam Kensington : That's where you'd be wrong. Sure it doesn't take strength, but it takes precision. And the truth is that I haven't folded paper publicly since I lost the championship to my future wife in Tokyo in 1975.

JEST : But you have continued to be active in the sport as tactical support for your wife.

Sam Kensington : Exactly. So my decision to bow out is really her decision to bow out. She's retiring to concentrate on composing boogie concertos for the theremin. And I have no interest in working with any other folders.

JEST : Tell us how you did end up losing your title.

Sam Kensington : It was by default actually. An injury took me out of the competition.

JEST : An injury?

Sam Kensington : Yes, a rather nasty paper cut. Mildred beat out the rest of the competition. But let it be known that I have no doubt she would have beaten me. It was her first year of competition and she was, and has always been, a genius when it comes to making paper penises. My specialty, of course, was vaginas. And it was a conflict on this very issue which constituted our first intercourse. Verbal intercourse, of course.

JEST : She was not keen on your vaginas?

Sam Kensington : Well she thought they were too easy. 'Sam,' she said to me, 'it just won't do. That's just a salt cellar with one of the corner's bent over.' 'That's the clitoris,' I explained, 'and the two sides are the labia.' 'But the clitoris is in the wrong place and the whole thing is split two ways,' she insisted. 'Vagina's aren't.' 'Well,' I replied. 'It looks more like a vagina than it looks like a salt cellar.' 'Well, they never really did look like salt cellars, did they?' she agreed. 'I'm not sure where that came from.'


JEST : She specialised in penises?

Sam Kensington : That's right. All kinds of penises - flaccid, erect, circumcised - she could make them out of a single piece of paper. 'Sam,' she insisted, 'my penises don't come easy. Sometimes I have to work on them all day long.' I had to admit that they did make my vaginas look kind of wet by comparison.

JEST : And out of this argument over the relative artistic value of masculine vs. feminine paper genitalia sprang true love?

Sam Kensington : If our story had been a Hollywood movie, they would have described it as a "meet cute" beginning.

JEST : But you had a secret up your sleeve, even if you were out of the competition.

Sam Kensington : That's right. Of course the sensible thing would have been to keep it to myself and use it to win the next year. My secret was that I was not planning on making a vagina in the competition. The year before I'd made a secret trip to Hokkaido to meet with a Zen monk who knew the secret of single sheet copulation. It seems impossible, but it isn't. If you know the secret you can create a couple fucking doggy-style from a single uncut sheet of paper. Not only that but, when you pull on the sides of the figure, the man's penis goes in and out of her vagina and her eyes open wide each time this happens.


JEST : We wouldn't believe it if we hadn't seen it ourselves. But what convinced you to team up with Mildred Hatrack and let her take the honour of presenting single sheet copulation at the 1976 competition in New York?

Sam Kensington : Well, I had to admire her folding ability. But it was my admiration for something else which really brought us together. Mildred was one hot potato back then. Hell, she still is. Dress is kind of conservative in the world of paper folding, but it was pretty obvious there were some serious curves hidden beneath all those clothes. I didn't think I'd get a chance to find out though as the organisers of these contests are very conservative and discourage any fraternisation in the hotel rooms. We were staying an a very old-fashioned hotel in the middle of Tokyo. It was so old-fashioned in fact that it had traditional paper walls between the guest's rooms. When I noticed Mildred going into the room next to mine, I decided to do something very reckless, something of which I would be very ashamed if it hadn't been for the fact that it was a part of the process which led to my marriage.


JEST : What was it that you did?

Sam Kensington : I cut a small hole in the paper wall so that I could watch Mildred getting undressed. What I didn't realise was that a bright blue staring eye is pretty obvious when it is all that is breaking up an expanse of white paper and some brown wooden slats. She was onto me from the very start. But she'd taken a shine to me and she was also a bit of an exhibitionist on the quiet. So she pretended not to notice me watching her as she slowly undressed. I myself was already naked. And as she shed her clothes, I had to push my penis back firmly between my legs so that I could continue to stand close to the wall as it stiffened. It wasn't comfortable, but drinking in every detail of Mildred's gorgeous pale and curvy body was my main concern. Soon she was completely starkers, her big round boobs swinging loosely, her pink nipples erect and the gentle curve of her belly and thighs perfectly framing her hairy snatch. But she was determined to put on a show I could never forget, so no sooner was she naked than she lay back on her futon and began vigorously masturbating. That was my undoing.

JEST : That's when you fell in love with her?

Sam Kensington : No, that's when my stiff prick shot from between my thighs and ripped a huge hole through the paper wall.

JEST : How did she react to that?

Sam Kensington : She leapt to her feet, ran across the room and grabbed hold of my dick with both hands. 'Now I've got you, you little pervert!' she cried, but she couldn't stop herself from giggling. At first I wasn't sure what to do. She wasn't going to let go of my dick. I pulled back, but she held on for dear life. Then it occurred to me that I might as well take advantage of the situation.

JEST : How did you do that?

Sam Kensington : After I'd pulled my dick back as far as I could, I pushed it forward again. The loose skin was held tightly in her warm soft hands, but I could push it in and out, and derive quite some pleasure from doing so. 'Are you trying to get me to wank you off?' she asked. 'As long as you keep hanging on to me like that,' I replied, 'I don't see that you have a choice.' The next thing I knew I felt something stiff and wet rubbing around the head of my dick while she tugged on it. 'What's that?' I asked. 'It's the folded over bit on my salt cellar,' she chuckled. Well, it wasn't long before my cum was hanging off her pubes like tinsel on a Christmas tree. I know because she showed me through the big cum soaked hole that now acted as a window between our rooms. So that is how our relationship began. After that we decided to team up. She would do the folding and I would travel the globe looking for the most arcane and remarkable of folding techniques.

The End


Friday, July 22, 2011

The Girl Who Played With Herself : Fuck Me Friday


The Aussiescribbler is back from an unwanted absence during which the word "fuck" has mainly been aimed at his broken down computer. Now it is time for another Fuck Me Friday tale of filthy fun. The prompt word is #peek. You can find out more and read the other entries at Aisling Weaver's site. And if you like what they've given you a peek at, make sure to let them know.

The Girl Who Played With Herself




Lisbeth Salamander never paid porn site subscriptions. That was one of the fringe benefits of being a professional computer hacker. She hacked into the billing company's computers and signed herself up using the names and identities of government ministers or members of the clergy.

Lisbeth had a boyfriend, a young investigative journalist named Michael Plumfist, but she was one horny goth. Being fucked twice a night just whetted her appetite, and if she couldn't sleep she would log onto the net and look for something to wank to.

She loved wanking, and she loved porn. She also liked to be comfortable. Sweden can be pretty cold, but Lisbeth had central heating so she was able to sit cross-legged on her computer chair wearing nothing but her spiky dog collar as she played with herself while gazing at sexy women and men doing all the naughtiest things. She had all sorts of toys, but she liked to use her fingers best. She knew just how to give herself pleasure - gently pulling on her nipple piercings, rubbing around and around on her clit and sometimes sticking a lubed finger up her butthole. She always laughed at Michael insisting on using his own keyboard when accessing information stored on her computer. He was such a tease. Hadn't he stuck his tongue up her butthole plenty of times?

Michael had been working hard on a big case involving government corruption and was sound asleep in their bed, which was up against the far wall. He might be asleep, but Lisbeth suspected he was dreaming of her. How else could she explain the fact that his cock had turned the bed sheet into a tent worthy of Barnum and Bailey? She was tempted to go have a peek, but she knew that, if she did, she wouldn't be able to resist the temptation to touch it, maybe kiss or lick it, perhaps wank it up and down with her fist, or even bounce her cunt on it. If she did that he would surely wake up, and she knew he couldn't get by without his rest. Much better to content herself with a bit of visually assisted wanking.

"Watch real people doing rude things while they look at porn! They don't know anyone is peeking!" screamed an ad for a website.

Lisbeth chuckled to herself. People were so gullible. They wanted to think they were seeing something illicit and the web masters would always promise it, but, of course, it was all fake. They would have a bunch of models sitting in front of webcams masturbating, but not acknowledging the screen, so that it looked like they were being spied on without their knowledge. The oldest trick in the book. But, what the hell, some of them might be cute, and she wasn't going to pay for it anyway.

Getting herself a membership was the work of but two minutes, her fingers dancing across the keyboard with lightning speed. One strange coincidence did impress itself upon the lust-filled landscape of her mind. The real name of the company behind the site was Phoenix, the same name as the manufacturer of her computer. Still, it was a common enough name in the world of business.

The blurb on the opening page claimed that the individuals depicted inside did not even know that their web cams were on. They were truly being filmed without their knowledge. "Ever wondered what girls really do when looking at porn or reading emails from their boyfriends?" it asked. Apparently there were guys on the site, too, but Lisbeth realised that no-one wondered what they did when looking at porn. Everyone knew.

There was a ranking for most popular cams. So Lisbeth went straight to the top of the list, already starting to rub pussy juice around her stiff clit as she double clicked on the link, anticipating some hot action.

What she saw was her own face leering back at her.


*          *          *

Barton Banger was the head of Phoenix Global, the world's fourth largest computer manufacturer. He prided himself that, while his company was only the fourth largest, it was the most unscrupulous. His latest dastardly scheme had been to install web cams in his computers which, when the user was connected to the internet, could be controlled from his central offices in Zurich. Most of the time, nothing of interest was revealed, but sometimes he was able to obtain pictures with which he could blackmail the computer users, and at other times he lucked onto hot individuals of either sex who spent a lot of time wanking to internet porn. These connections provided the basis for his Peek at the Peekers porn site.

The most popular girl on the whole site for the last month had been some super hot Goth chick named Salamander. Hell, Barton and rubbed a few out to her himself. She had enthusiasm. She wanked like a wild thing. And memberships were going up and up through word-of-mouth (or rather word-of-email) because of her.

"She's putting in quite a performance today," he commented to Miss Bergman, his officious secretary.

"Yes she is," she replied matter-of-factly, watching Lisbeth finger herself.

"Do you ever do that?" he asked her, trying to peek down the minimal cleavage revealed by her sensible business shirt.

"When you first asked me that question, Mr. Banger, my answer was that it was not an appropriate question for the head of a major computing firm to ask his secretary," she explained patiently. "The fact that you have persisted in asking me the same question another sixty seven times in no way alters my initial judgement."

"Prude..." he muttered under his breath.

*          *          *

Never had Lisbeth been so glad that she was an expert at one-handed typing. She wanted to find out how this scam operated, but she didn't want to attract attention, so she kept on wanking as she hacked. She didn't have to pretend. She'd never been so turned on in her life. The thought that thousands of guys and probably women too, all over the world were watching her finger herself was driving her crazy with lust. She was the most popular! Perhaps she had been stiffening cocks and clits for months without realising it. She wondered how many litres of hot cum had spurted out of guy's cocks while they watched her writhing around with her finger up her arse. But she mustn't let her excitement interfere with her hacking. She had to find out who was behind this.

"Hmmm... Barton Banger, hey?" she said to herself as she licked the juice of another cum off of her finger tips.


*          *          *

"Is she still masturbating?" asked Barton when he returned from his extended lunch.

Miss Bergman looked up at the screen.

"No, not at the moment," she replied. "She seems to be talking."

"Talking?" queried Banger. "What about?"

Miss Bergman turned up the sound.

"About you, sir," she answered.

"Me?!?!" he cried. "She shouldn't be talking about me! Why would she be talking about me? What is she saying?"

"She appears to be reading out your credit card details," Miss Bergman informed him, coolly.

"My what!!!???" he screamed, red in the face.

"Oh, and your home phone number..." she added.

*          *          *

Once Lisbeth had finished righting wrongs she began to consider the upside of this situation. It would take a while for Banger to close down the network. In the mean time Lisbeth wanted to keep together her fan base. Not everyone would be as happy about having been an unknowing porn star as she was, but she also hoped she could help anyone who did like the idea to keep in touch with their fans too.

It didn't take her long to collect an email list of all the customers and all the "performers". She wrote an email explaining what had happened and explaining that she would use one of the many under-utilized hard drives on a government computer network to keep the webcam switchboard going for any who still wanted to take part. She especially emphasised to her fans that she wanted them to keep watching her. She told them that, now she knew they were watching, she was determined to stick lots of things up her bottom. And she also said that she would love for it to be two-way. She couldn't watch all of her thousand or more fans jack off to her, but she intended to watch as many as she could.

She ended up staying up all night, and when Michael woke up the next day he found that his goth girlfriend was now the mistress of ceremonies of a world-wide web of wanking.



"Don't look! Don't look!" she insisted, as he came over to see what she was up to. "It's a surprise!"

He covered his eyes, but poked her impatiently in the shoulder with his erection. He was, however, careful to keep it away from her spiky dog collar.

"O.K. You can look now!" she said. "Meet my girlfriends!"

Michael opened his eyes to find the whole of Lisbeth's computer screen covered with small windows in which women of all shapes, ages and colours were shamelessly wanking, sucking on their nipples and sticking things up their bottoms.

"Well, say hi!" she insisted.

"They can see me?" he asked.

"Of course," she huffed impatiently, "now wave your lovely cock at them. They deserve encouragement."

A bunch of comments started appearing in a chat window down the bottom of the screen. "Nice cock!" "Don't I make you want to stroke it?" and "Wank that willy!"

Michael laughed and began stroking his hard cock as he looked at all those horny women.

"Why don't you show your girlfriends that you're a sucker for cock," he suggested, gently turning Lisbeth's head and pressing his hard-on against her lips, while taking care to rest, rather than skewer, his balls on the spikes of her dog collar.

She dropped down, opened her mouth and began licking his balls as a river of pre-cum ran down the side of his cock. Then she licked all the way up to the head, making sure to gather up all the glistening liquid as she went. Finally she planted a warm kiss on his sensitive head. But she didn't go on to give him what he really wanted.

"I'll show you how much of a sucker I am for cock!" she cried. "Look at my other friends!"

She hit a button and all of a sudden the screen was covered with images of guys jacking off.

"Billy's my favourite!" she exclaimed, clicking on one frame so that it expanded to fill the screen. On it a fit young man who looked like a surfer was gyrating around while stroking the biggest cock Michael had ever seen. After a minute he cried out, "Oh, Lisbeth!" and spurt after spurt of creamy cum shot out of the end and splattered all over his nut-brown muscular chest.

"I didn't really need to see that!" insisted Michael.

"Oh, but I did!" she teased, slapping him on the arse.

She brought back the bank of women.

"So who's your favourite wanker woman?" she asked.

"You," he insisted, kissing her on the head and inserting a finger up her dripping wet pussy.

"I know that, stupid!" she replied. "I mean from my fan club."

Michael thought a moment and then pointed at a redhead in her mid-forties who had really lovely big soft pale boobs and a cheeky smile on her face as she sat with one leg pulled up so that the foot was on her office chair and the other stretched out along the ground. "She looks like an older version of my gym teacher from when I was in college," he explained. "And I always did want to see Mrs. Stokes masturbate."

Lisbeth made the web cam image go full screen.

"Michael thinks you look like his old gym teacher," she informed the woman.

"I don't believe it!" cried the woman. "I thought it looked like you, Michael. I always wondered what the schlong that flopped around in your gym shorts would look like angry!"

"It's a class reunion!" laughed Lisbeth.

"Now you be good to that boy!" insisted Mrs. Stokes. "He deserves to have his cock sucked. I just wish I could do it! Yum!"

And so that is how Michael Plumfist ended up filling his girlfriend's mouth with cum while his sexy ex-gym mistress looked on and wanked off.

"This could be a great tool for networking in other ways," he told Lisbeth later as they chatted with their fans. "I have to fly to Helsinki the day after tomorrow to research my new story. Maybe we have a fan who lives there who would be willing to put me up."

"There's a girl named Katti who lives in Helsinki. She's only eighteen, but she has her own flat. Here she is," she added, calling up the image of a blonde girl with her hand down her pink panties. "I'll see what she thinks of the idea."

"Very nice," declared Michael looking her over.

"She seems to like the idea," Lisbeth told him. "I'll just turn up the sound again."

"I put him up," said the smiling girl in broken English. "I put him up my bum!"

"There won't be much time for extra-curricular activities," Michael declared. "If I'm going to break the story of price fixing in the pharmaceutical industry of Finland I'm going to need to do some deep probing."

"And if you want free accommodation while you're there I think you are definitely going to have to do some deep probing," Lisbeth pointed out. Then she laughed so hard she fell off her chair.

The End

Friday, May 20, 2011

The Cat Who Shot the Cream : Fuck Me Friday


Fuck me! It's Friday already, and time for another of Aisling Weaver's Fuck Me Friday writing challenges. By now most of you know how it works and those who don't can read all the whys and how tos on her site. Today's prompt is #Cream. Make sure to check out the other entries from the links on Aisling's site.

The Cat Who Shot the Cream




"I can't give you any more for it," explained Gerard Steele to the figure lurking in the dark shadows of his large office. He puffed on his cigar sending clouds of smoke drifting through the cone of light that illuminated his desk. All he could see of his visitor was her amber eyes which burned in the darkness like glowing coals. "We get them hooked on the Cream and then we milk them for all that they've got. Your share stays the same - 25%. I take the risks. You're not really in a position to distribute."

"Not yet," Emma Blaine agreed. "But don't feel too complacent. My posse gets bigger every day."

"If you want to make some more money," Steele began thoughtfully, "there is another task that you and your posse are well positioned to perform."

"And what might that be?" she asked, her voice full of barely suppressed contempt.

"You know Professor Basingstoke?" he queried.

"Sure. Physicist. Most intelligent man in the word, if you believe the hype. I.Q. of 365," she informed him.

"Someone wants his spunk," explained Steele, tapping ash into an ashtray carved from the shell of a recently extinct species of tortoise.

"Breeding purposes, I presume," mused Blaine. "Of course there is no solid evidence that I.Q. is hereditary."

"I don't care about the rationality of my client's demands," Steele pointed out. "All I care about is their credit rating. This lady's loaded."

"The girls and I can do the job," she assured him. "What's our cut?"

"A cool million," declared Steele.

Now she was interested.

*          *          *

"Damn!" cursed Calvin Selfridge, as the bathroom window of the Alpha Sigma Sigma Sorority steamed up, obscuring his view of Rita Goodbody's soapy nude buttocks.

Image courtesy of Girls Out West
Perhaps he should have felt ashamed of himself. But he didn't. If something was his duty, did it make any difference that it was pleasant?

By day, Selfridge was the pride of the Delta Delta Tango Fraternity. Everyone believed that he lived for toga parties, keggers and the humiliation of pledges. But as soon as night fell he became Fratman, courageous curber of campus crime. And one of his principle duties was to watch over the sorority sisters, lest they fall under the seductive sway of his arch nemesis The Panther.

The Panther. Real name - Emma Blaine. In 1966 she'd been a student at Blake College herself. This was the age of government-sanctioned psychedelic drug research. Blaine was the first and only individual to ever ingest a particularly powerful form of LSD known as Black Moonlight. It sent her on a trip from which she had never returned. She came to believe that she was a wild beast stalking the urban jungle. But beyond that it caused a bizarre form of instantaneous genetic mutation. She was able to slow down the ageing process if she consumed a certain minimum dose of semen. Most significantly, however, the process of orgasm caused her to ejaculate large quantities of an addictive drug. It's scientific name was Purrroine. Street name : Cream. It was a powerful aphrodisiac. It could be taken orally, but most addict's took it intravenously. Psychologically it induced euphoria and a loss of sexual inhibitions. On men it also had a powerful physical effect, causing the testicles to swell up to the size of mangoes until such time as the individual ejaculated gallons of jism which would shoot out of the penis with all the force of a fire hose. Side-effects included dehydration and protein deficiency. It was a price that addicts were willing to pay.



Blaine only came out after dark. She wore a bodysuit of soft black velvet with cat's ears. It zipped up the back. There were eighteen holes in the suit - two each for her eyes, two each for her ears, one for her mouth, ten for her long claw-like fingernails, one each to bare her permanently erect nipples, and one to allow access to her cunt. When she stood, her jet black pubes disguised the fact that her genitals were open to the air, but when she crouched with feline grace the glistening wet pinkness of her pussy was on proud display.

Conventional wisdom was that the feline scourge of Scrotum City was insane. But, as Selfridge knew, insanity was a relative concept. There were even those who would consider an individual who took on a new identity at night, stalking villains while dressed in a turtleneck Fraternity jumper pulled up over his face with mouth and eye holes cut out, insane. What mattered wasn't intentions, but outcomes. And the outcome with The Panther was the efficient accumulation of wealth through the enslavement of men to a testicle-swelling addictive substance. She wasn't some old woman rambling on at the bus stop about the United Nations being infiltrate by lizard creatures from Alpha Centauri. Labelling her as insane was just not helpful.

Selfridge took up a new position outside the window of the sorority's main dormitory. These girls were shameless. Patty Cake was sitting cross-legged at a computer screen. She was wearing a see-through nightie and no panties. She was looking at a picture of a rather handsome nude man with a large stiff cock. And she was masturbating.

"Barry Townsend's sent us another nude photo of himself," she informed the other four girls who were lazing on their beds in various states of undress, either watching television or reading. "I think it's about time we paid him back by sneaking him into our room and giving his lovely big cock a friendly sucking."

"I wonder if he'd like to bugger my bottom with his beautiful boner," mused red-headed Molly Ringworm, sitting down hard on her bright blue butt plug.

The Panther had been recruiting girls from the sorority for what she called her Pussy Posse. Selfridge could see how innocent and helpless the girls were, and this stiffened his resolve. His resolve wasn't the only thing that it stiffened though.

My mind must be alert, and my body ready to respond to any danger, Selfridge told himself, as he pulled down his pants and began stroking his hot hard cock. It was simply a matter of dealing with a physical liability and clearing his mind of distracting fantasies about Patty and Molly kissing each other wetly around his cock while he slid a lubricated finger right up into each of their assholes as the other two girls spanked his arse and accused him of assassinating President Kennedy. He groaned and squirmed, squeezing his fist hard around his prick as he played with his balls with his other hand.

"What's that?" asked Molly, looking over Patty's shoulder.

"Something seems to be happening on the security camera," she replied. "I'll zoom in."

"Jeez, not again!" exclaimed Molly. "It's Pratman spanking his monkey outside the window."

*          *          *

Professor Basingstoke was a dignified gentleman in his early fifties with a bushy head of grey hair and a Mark Twain moustache. He was sitting in his study smoking a pipe and leafing through the latest copy of Nude Scientist, a girlie magazine which only featured young women scientists. This month's centrefold was a 27 year old chemist who lay back with her lab coat open to reveal her generous pale breasts. Her pubic region was coyly concealed by a beaker full of copper sulphate.

Basingstoke was a leading expert in the field of quantum particle physics. It is well known that certain subatomic particles behave differently depending on how they are being observed. Basingstoke had deepened understanding of this phenomenon. He had discovered that these particles act nervous when being observed by Republicans. Now he was working on the theory that they held wild parties when nobody at all was observing them. Unfortunately, so far, he'd been unable to find a conclusive way to test this hypothesis.



Of course this work was familiar only to other academics, but he was known to the general public as the author of the humorous bestseller 101 Uses for Schrödinger's Cat.

"What's that?" he asked himself, looking up from Miss January's pert nipples, as a grappling iron clanked loudly over the metal railing of his balcony.

*          *          *

"Wank off to our porn site like everyone else, you cheapskate!" yelled the Alpha Sigma Sigma girls as they chased Selfridge across the campus. He'd pulled up his pants so that he could run, but his cock was still poking out of his fly bouncing around in the chilly night air. The girls were a warm-blooded lot and didn't seem to be too trouble by the fact that their asses and pussies were bare and their tits were falling out of their flimsy nighties.

Selfridge had a lucky escape when the college gridiron team jogged past on their way to the showers and greeted the girls with a chorus of wolf whistles.

"Want some company in the showers?" Patty asked. "After all those cocks aren't going to suck themselves."

The football players looked a bit nervous, especially when the girls stripped them of all of their clothes before they'd even reached the cover of the change rooms, but they knew they were in for a good time.

Image courtesy of Girls Out West
And Selfridge felt relieved. He could stop running.

But then he noticed some dark shapes moving around on one of the balconies of the staff living quarters. The Panther and her Pussy Posse. It could be noone else. He began to run once more, this time in the direction of that building's lift.

*          *          *

The windows crashed open and in strode a maleficent and magnificent figure. Her eyes spat fire and her body moved like a dark tide in its covering of inky velvet. This covering did nothing to hide the sway of her flesh. Her deep pink nipples stood out stiff with arousal through the holes cut in the cloth. And her sexual juices were flowing so freely that it looked as if she had just pissed down her leg.

"Get a whiff of your prey, girls," she purred to her companions. She was accompanied by five young women, who now dropped the long black cloaks which had provided them with camouflage as they slid through the night to reveal the skimpiest of leopard skin bikinis.

"What do you l-l-l-l-adies want?" Makepiece wanted to know.

"Just relax, honey," The Panther suggested soothingly. "Think of yourself as a cow, and these charming ladies as milk maids."

"A c-c-c-cow?" stammered the professor. "What kind of bull is this?"

"Yes, you're right," she smiled, reaching out and stroking the crotch of his pants, "you are a bull, aren't you? You are a one man sperm bank and we are about to make a withdrawal. Get him girls!"

"I'll take his left leg!" said Duchess.

"I'll take the right!" said Marie.

"His right arm will be my responsibility," said Frou-Frou.

"Let me take the left," said Abigail.

"And I," declared Amelia, "shall sit on his face."

"Not yet, Amelia," ordered The Panther. "For now your duty is to supervise the removal of his clothes."

The next thing the professor knew he was pinned to the floor and his shirt buttons were being undone. The girl's g-strings didn't do much to cover their pussies. In their horniness Frou-Frou and Abigail were rubbing the bare damp flesh of their aroused cunts against  the palms of his hands as they rested their virtually bare bottoms on his wrists.

"Just expose the relevant parts," insisted The Panther. "We don't have time to strip him completely.

Amelia pulled open his shirt and lifted the t-shirt beneath. Then she smiled wickedly and began licking his nipples.

"Duchess. Marie. You get his pants down," The Panther ordered.

The professor felt his pants being unzipped and pulled down, and then down came his underpants allowing his now rock hard cock to slap up against this belly.

Then a wet mouth engulfed his prick. He didn't know if it was Duchess's or Marie's.



At that moment the door burst open with a loud crunching sound. Fratman had kicked it open.

"Don't worry, Professor," he shouted. "Fratman has arrived just in the nick of time to rescue you!"

"That's very kind of you," said the professor. "But I don't think I'm going to need rescuing for the next few minutes. Perhaps give me ten minutes and then come back, hey?"

"You don't realise how dangerous these vermin are," insisted Fratman.

"Well," said the professor philosophically, "some dangers are best faced head on."

"So we meet again, my fine furry feline friend," declared Fratman, addressing the Panther.

"So now I'm your friend am I?" she wanted to know.

"Well, actually I meant that ironically," he qualified.

"Fuck off, Fratman!" she spat contemptuously.

"I can't allow you to rape this poor defenceless old man," Fratman insisted.

"It's only rape if I don't give my consent," pointed out the professor.

"Perhaps, Professor, you won't mind waiting while we take care of this ill-mannered interloper," The Panther suggested.

"Not at all," replied the professor. "Do what you must."

The girls grabbed Fratman and threw him to the ground. Amelia held his mouth open while The Panther squatted down over his face and began wanking. Frou-Frou and Abigail, who were holding down his arms, leant forward and began sucking on their mistress's stiff nipples.

"Oh, yeah-h-h," she moaned and her belly spasmed as a powerful stream of liquid shot out of her cunt, filling Fratman's mouth and splashing all over his face and hair and chest. It felt like he was being pissed on, but the clear liquid had a slightly creamy taste like coconut milk.

"Now, Fratman, we are more than friends. You have joined the brotherhood of those who have drunk my cunt juice!" she declared triumphantly.

Fratman felt a warm sensation spreading throughout his body. He noticed for the first time how stiff his cock was and he felt an overwhelming desire to lick the Pussy Posse all over. He wanted to stick his tongue up their noses and in their ears and lick out their assholes. He wanted to perform hours and hours of acupressure massage on their soft young bodies using only the head of his cock. He wanted to perform uninhibited nude dance routines for their grandmothers while they pleasured their own withered flesh. Permutations of polymorphous perversity pervaded every part of his being, and meanwhile his balls grew ever larger.

Meanwhile, the Panther and the Pussy Posse had returned their attentions to the professor. He was drinking down the Cream shooting out of the Panther's pussy like a man who'd just spent a week in the desert. And the girls were taking turns sucking and wanking his cock. And, like Fratman, he now had prodigiously large balls.

"Grab the bucket!" cried The Panther, and soon Frou-Frou was pointing the professor's cock into the receptacle as it erupted in a torrent of thick juicy jism. Soon the bucket was full to overflowing, and the professor was lying back on the floor exhausted and pale.



Through his erotic haze, Fratman realised he had to act quickly if he were going to do his duty as a superhero. He jumped up and started to run towards The Panther and her cohorts. But it isn't easy to run with balls the size of mangos. And it is very painful when the attempt causes you to fall over and land on those massive balls.

"Fuck!" cried Fratman. "That smarts."

Then he had an idea. He started to masturbate. He grabbed his stiff cock and began stroking forcefully.

The girls put the professor to bed and redonned their cloaks. Then they and The Panther turned toward the window.

"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!" moaned Fratman as he came, shooting a massive slick of cum all over the study floor.

"Woah!" cried The Panther as she slipped in all the cum.

"Woah!" cried the Pussy Posse as they did likewise.

Trying to right themselves they leaned towards the open window, their feet pedalling but finding no steady purchase. And so it was that they slid out onto the balcony and fell over the railing, plummeting to the ground below.

The girls all ended up in hospital. Once mended they would all take up residence in The Big House.

The next day Fratman read the headlines in the Scrotum City Herald. They read :

WANKER ACCIDENTALLY HELPS POLICE IN ARREST OF THE PANTHER.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Peeping Movie 1 : Just Looking (1995)


The other night I sat down to watch a movie. It wasn't this movie. It was another peeping related movie. But about 15 minutes into the movie it stopped. (Don't worry, I now have a copy that works, so I'll get to writing about that one soon. On the other hand, given that it was directed by Doris Wishman, the woman responsible for such notorious cinematic atrocities as Deadly Weapons and Nude on the Moon, maybe you should worry.)

So I started watching this movie instead. The only problem was that it was not the movie I thought it was. In 1999 Jason Alexander (George from Seinfeld) directed a movie called Just Looking which was about a fourteen year old boy who vows that, before the end of the summer, he will witness a man and a woman in the "act of love". The trailer looks great, it's set in the fifties, Gretchen Moll is in it and it has been praised for its nostalgic charm.

That's the movie I thought I was watching. So I was a bit taken aback when the first fifteen minutes were all about this nerdy guy in his thirties living in what, in the 1990s, passed for the present day. He was obsessed with watching the lady next door get undressed, but otherwise I couldn't see how this was going to turn into a story about a boy coming of age in the 50s. Surely, I thought, this is just a prelude and at some stage he will start reminiscing about when he was a boy back in the fifties. The fact that a 33 year old in the 90s would not have even been born yet in 1955 never occurred to me. I'm just not that good at maths.

It was about the 25 minute mark that I realised that this just couldn't be the Jason Alexander movie. So I looked on IMDB and discovered that the 90s produced two movies called Just Looking. The one I was watching was the earlier of the two. A chick flick of no particular reputation.

Ah, well. It was about peeping. It had some boobies. All was not lost.

This Just Looking is the work of one Tyler Bensinger. He wrote and directed it. He never directed anything else. But he did write (and sometimes co-produce) episodes of television series like Beverley Hill 90210, Cold Case and Parenthood. Which probably explains why this movie comes across like a tele-movie. Maybe it was a tele-movie, but IMBD doesn't list it that way.


Jim (James LeGros) is an architect married to Mary (Michelle Forbes). They have a young daughter. Everything is fine, except that Mary seems more interested in her work for a travel agency than in making love with Jim. When she praises the youthful looks of her best friend and coworker Sherrie (Ally Walker), Jim says the Mary herself has a great figure. She laughingly calls him a liar, and politely rebuffs his offer to take her mind off her study with a little hanky panky.

"If only it was taboo for a man to have sex with his wife I think we'd all do it more often out of the sheer perversion of it," he tells himself as he pours a glass of milk in the kitchen. He can't stop thinking about the girl who lives across the way. Earlier that day, while playing on the balcony with his daughter and his neighbour's kids, he'd seen her undressing through her bedroom window.

The next day Mary and Sherrie are studying in a cafe. Sherrie is reading Mary's notes because she spent the class reading a dirty book.


She tells Mary that she spent the previous night making love on her boyfriend Craig's boat.

"It's amazing," she gushes. "I mean you don't even have to move, you know what I mean. The waves just kind of rock you back and forth. I had one of those exploding orgasms. You know the kind that just rocks you down to your toes."

Mary tells her she might want to speak up as the people at the next table might not have heard her.



"I don't care who hears me," she says. "I'm in lust."


When Mary gets home in the evening Jim suggests they rent a movie. She says she wants a scary one, but Jim admits he was thinking of something more "exotic". "Don't you think of anything else?" she chides him.


Later that evening he sees the couple across the way making mad passionate love.



He is holding his daughter's rag doll Tiffany in his hands, and his excitement is such that, without realising it, he tears it apart.

Aroused by what he has just watched, Jim crawls into bed with his wife. He tries to wake her, but she just rolls over and goes back to sleep.

In his imagination the woman he has been watching through the window turns over, looks him in the eye and calls his name.

When a colleague leaves, Jim has a chance at promotion. He tells Mary, but they are interrupted by their daughter complaining that her doll Tiffany is missing. Jim insists that he will buy her a new one. Mary thinks it is time she learned to look after her toys, but Jim says it might not have been her fault. Perhaps a squirrel stole it. 


Jim has brought home a spicy movie to watch with Mary, but she finds it laughable.


He then hands her a present.


It's sexy lingerie.

"Oh, the things I do for you," she says. Clearly she feels it is more of a present for himself than for her.



When he tries to bite through her suspender, he gets his teeth stuck.


Much to her amusement.


Jim goes back to peeking at the girl across the way through toy binoculars.


One evening he is caught by his neighbour Chuck (Kurt Fuller), who thinks he is playing at soldiers. "We're all fuckin' crazy as hell, you know that," he says, and tells the story of his brother who used to blow up cats by sticking explosives up their bums.


Jim's boss Darlene Carpenter (Marg Helgenberger) interviews him for the new job. But he can't put out of his mind his work colleague's advice to not look at her tits.


He looks.

And Darlene says she doesn't think he is ruthless enough for the position.



Meanwhile Sherrie persuades Mary to consider a new look.


When Jim gets home Mary tries to console him about not getting the job. But he is trying hard to pretend he likes her new short haircut.


Sherrie tells Mary she doesn't want to live without passion in her life. Mary says that just because she doesn't break out into a sweat when she sees Jim it doesn't mean their marriage has no passion.


Mary finally meets Sherrie's hot boyfriend Craig (Steve Weber).


When Mary gets home she decides to put some passion into her marriage. But unfortunately Jim has just been having a wank.


So even though she uses the ice cube trick from Sherrie's dirty book, Jim experiences "technical difficulties."


Jim has more bad luck when his wife's friend Alicia (Mary Mara) walks into the video store just as he is about to rent a porno video. He hides it behind his back, but...


...the manager loudly praises his choice of film. "Good choice," he says. "Very popular. Some Like it Hot and Juicy!" Alicia smiles as she goes out the door.

This leads to a heated argument between Jim and Mary.

Jim says that the only reason he rented a porn film was because he was feeling horny and didn't want to be rejected by Mary. She accuses him of acting like a child.

"Well, I guess I'm just not ready for middle age yet," he replies.

"Did you just call me middle aged?" she asks. "Because, if recall correctly I'm not the one who experienced technical difficulties last night."

That night Jim walks in on Mary watching the porno. She asks him if he wants her to be like the porn stars. He tells her he doesn't.

"If that's what you want I'd do it," she says bitterly. "I'd probably have to get a boob job though, and some lyposuction. Definitely a brain reduction."

"If you want one of those girls so badly, why don't you go out and find yourself one?" she asks.

"Maybe I will," he says sadly.

"Well, maybe I will too," she replies.

Mary goes to Craig's place with Sherrie.

Craig nudes up and goes in for a swim. Sherrie points out the tattoo over his butt to an embarrassed Mary.


Mary is even more shocked when Sherrie tells her than she told Craig that she and Mary had "fooled around" with each other.


She says it turned him on so much it was "almost scary." She also decides to go skinny-dipping.

Meanwhile, Jim is back watching the couple across the way make love.


Mary strips to her underwear and goes in for a swim with Sherrie and Craig. But she gets uncomfortable when Craig puts his arm around her.

Things are getting hot and heavy in the apartment Jim's spying on. He decides to use his daughter's monitor toy to listen in on what the couple are saying.


It works for a while, though he discovers the pair are foreigners who don't speak English. But when a squirrel knocks it off the ledge into the couple's apartment, he has to try to retrieve it.

Mary returns unexpectedly with Craig, who starts trying to kiss her. Jim runs over from his position at the window and yells, "Stop kissing my wife." He asks Mary why she was kissing another man.

She explains that she wasn't kissing him. He was kissing her. Then she asks him why he was hanging around that window.


And then she sees why.


And Jim sees what she sees.

And the sexy neighbour sees that she's been seen.

Sherrie is kind of pissed off, because Craig told her that Mary came on to him. She doesn't believe it though. She knows he is no good.



But for Mary and Jim things work out.

"I think sex is terribly overrated," says Mary. "It just kind of gets in the way."

"I personally can take it or leave it," admits Jim.

"I mean who could expect to have good sex after ten years anyway," she adds.


Then she give him that look.


And drags him into the bath with her.

The film is nothing terribly special, but it did make me laugh a few times and the women were sexy. And James LeGros is a talented comic actor. He reminded me of a young Robert Morse.

It's ultimately a very conservative film. Marriage is held up as the ideal. Poor Sherrie is looking for ground-shaking orgasms rather than wedlock, and so she is bound for heartbreak. Our married couple may be tempted to stray, but they never really do. But this is pretty much the standard formula for marital melodramas, which, in spite of all the comedy, is what this is.

If I were going to write a story along these lines I'd have Mary catch Jim perving at the neighbours, grab the binoculars away from him to have a look herself and find herself mesmerised by the guy's naked bod. And so Jim and Mary would be reunited by a shared love of voyeurism, fucking and wanking each other happily while perpetually peeping. But that sort of thing doesn't happen in Hollywood.

Another Great Voyeurism Story

Surf on the Beach by Cherry Sweets

Since I did my main posting on peepers I discovered this wonderful story about a bird watcher who gets more than he bargained for when he spys a woman sunbathing topless.