Woody Allen once said that sex was the most fun he'd ever had without laughing. But laughing and sex are not mutually exclusive. Horniness brings on undignified behaviour, and it is all the more fun if we are in on the joke. This blog is a celebration of the funny side of sex and the sexy side of humour. As an author of erotic stories I like to show that sex is more fun when it is playful and silly.

You can find my humorous erotic ebooks on I-Tunes, Kobo, Barnes & Noble and Smashwords. They are always free!!!

Monday, July 24, 2017

The Arse Play's The Thing

This is the second of my stories inspired by a visit to the offices of legendary Australian porn site Girls Out West. Rosie is both a model and a photographer/videographer on the site, and she likes pegging, hence the story.

Rosie looking radiant

“It’s an incident which will go down in the annals (or should that be anals?) of the Melbourne University Dramatic Society,” Rosie declared decisively, as she gently stroked the soft and glorious globes of LuLu’s naked bottom.

“I was playing the male lead in a production of the ancient Greek classic Lysistrata…” she explained.

“The male lead?” asked LuLu.

“Yes, the male parts were all played by girls and the female parts by guys. And the best part was that I got to wear a huge cock. It’s traditional with this kind of play,” added Rosie with a cheeky smile.

Then she stuck her right index finger in her mouth and slobbered all over it. “The play is by a guy named Aristophanes,” she whispered conspiratorially in LuLu’s ear. “But I call him ARSE-STUFF-PHANES,” she giggled, as she slid her spit-slippery digit as deep as it would go into her lover’s tight but eagerly receptive rectum.

“Mmmm, I like Mr. Arse-Stuff-Phanes already,” moaned LuLu, wriggling around on Rosie’s finger in a way that just happened to cause her stiff clit to slide around deliciously on the silk sheets.

The glorious globes of LuLu's naked bottom
“We used modern costumes and realistic, but oversized cocks,” Rosie continued. “My phallus was attached strap-on style beneath my tight black jeans and it stuck out through the open fly.

“Lysistrata was played by Mark Phelps, captain of the University football team. A real spunk. Not your typical drama nerd. He wore a lovely flowery summer dress and a wig of luxuriant red hair. I can’t say he made a convincing woman, even with the fake boobs and the red lippy. But he lost none of his sex appeal.

“Now you have to understand that Mark was a bit of a  lady’s man. A cocky bastard. So the way he was acting around me while we were doing the play came as a bit of a surprise. I’d catch him giving me strange looks and when I did he’d blush as red as a beetroot. When we had cause to speak to each other backstage he seemed positively shy. You would have thought he was the campus virgin, not the Casanova of the football field.

“During the final performance, when we were sitting backstage at interval I noticed that he was staring at my cock, obviously lost in a dream of some kind.

“‘I like to call him Dick Dastardly,’ I chuckled, wrapping my hand around it and sliding it up and down in a wanking motion.’

“When I looked down at Mark’s lap he had a massive boner tenting his dress.

“‘Oh, ho!’ I cried, playfully. ‘I think you like girls with dicks.’

“He went bright red and started to stammer. Poor guy.

“‘It’s something we have in common,’ I confessed, sliding my hand up under his dress and onto the seven inches of rigid manhood which was sticking up through the fly of his boxers.

The frontispiece to Norman Lindsay's illustrated version of Lysistrata
“’What would you like a girl with a dick to do to you?’ I whispered the question seductively in his ear. ‘I bet you’d like to be Rosie’s bum slut, wouldn’t you?’ The way his cock twitched in my hand and the dribble of pre-cum over my fingers gave me my answer.

“‘You can’t go out on stage like that,’ I laughed. ‘We’ve got another ten minutes. Let’s go back in the flats where no-one can see us. It wouldn’t do for anyone to catch the leading man sucking the leading lady’s cock.’

“‘I’ll let you in on a little secret,’ I confided, as I knelt in front of Mark and pulled down his boxers while he held up his dress. ‘If I move my dick up and down like a lever the base of it rubs against me clit in the most delicious way. I can get off like that very easily.’ So that’s what I did while I slurped away on Mark’s hard prick. It wasn’t long before he filled my mouth with his salty jizz and I felt a warm quivery orgasm spread through my body.

“Now maybe I made a mistake by letting Mark in on my little secret, because, while we were on stage he kept finding excuses to grab my cock and pump it up and down. It didn’t fit with the action of the play and it made it very hard for me to remember my lines. In the end though, neither of us cared. We couldn’t stop giggling. I’m sure everyone thought we were on dope.

“This was the final performance. What did anything matter now? I’d already got a pretty bad review on opening night. Notorious critic Quentin Throsby gave the play overall a fair rating, but he said that my performance was an embarrassment. He said I seemed to be more interested in strutting around waving my phallus at the audience than I was in really trying to inhabit my role. O.K. He had a point. But I still think he would have gone easier on me if it weren’t for the fact that my cock was probably bigger than his.

“That evening Mark and I had a date in one of the upstairs bedrooms of the house where the end of season party was being held. Everyone was there, even Throsby had turned up to avail himself of the free booze.

“‘Not as realistic, but kinder on the sphincter,’ I explained to Mark as I strapped on a modestly-sized clear plastic dildo. Both of us were enjoying our first sight of the other completely naked. Out of his costume, Mark had the physique of a Greek statue, but with lots of hair on his chest and legs. From the stiffness of his cock, I could tell he liked the way I looked as well.

Rosie wearing a strap-on looks a little bit like Rosie holding a banana in front of her pussy
“‘First a little appetiser,” I declared, pushing him forcefully onto his hands and knees on the bed. Then I spread his butt cheeks and licked his wrinkled arse-hole. He wasn’t expecting that. But from his ecstatic sigh I could tell he loved it.

“‘Are you ready to be violated by a bottom-buggering little bitch?’” I asked. It was a rhetorical question.

“‘I want you in my arse, Rosie,’ he declared proudly. ‘Fuck me long and deep.’

“His bravery was impressive, but I eased him into this brave new world with a little lubed finger action. When I knew he was ready, I gave him the cock. Slowly his anus stretched over the lube-slippery plastic dick until all resistance was overcome. With a slurping sound it slid all the way in and my belly slapped against his hairy bottom.

“Mark really took to being buggered like a duck takes to water. An hour later we were back at it, only now, due to the heat we were out on the bedroom’s balcony with Mark leaning up against the railing, and me reaching around to wank his throbbing cock. What we didn’t notice was that many of the other party guests had also made their way outside into the garden to cool off. Our little anal orgy was not going unobserved.

“Quentin Throsby looked up at us dumbstruck. His mouth was open as it usually is. It was just like watching someone shoot a water pistol into a clown’s mouth at the carnival. Mark shot his load into the warm evening air and it arced through the twilight straight into Throsby’s gaping maw.”

“That’ll teach him for saying nasty things about you,” LuLu laughed.

“At first I felt sorry for him,” admitted Rosie. “But now I realise that his desire to be the centre of attention greatly outweighs any capacity he may have to feel humiliated.”

Rosie really has balls!!!!

“What happened to Mark?” asked LuLu.

“He was embarrassed that his peccadillo had been so publicly exposed,” she replied.

“His pecker?” LuLu queried.

“The fact that he was a bum slut,” Rosie explained.

“So it wasn’t a happy ending for him?”

“In the end it was. As is so often the way, embarrassment is but the rite of passage into an exciting new world. A significant number of the female guests at the party found themselves curiously aroused by what they had seen. As word spread, so did curiosity amongst the female student body about what it would be like to have a hunky guy bend over and take it from them. With a shortage of guys keen to take and a plethora of girls wanting to give, let’s just say that Mark’s “dance card” was full.”

“And so was his bum hole,” LuLu concluded the tale for her. “And now it’s my turn. Get your finger out. Give me a really big butt plug instead.”

Rosie likes a good yarn, especially if it is by Aussiescribbler

Friday, June 16, 2017

Darcy's Wet Dream

This is the first of two stories inspired by a visit to the offices of legendary Australian porn site Girls Out West, when I got to meet two of their staff/models, Darcy and Rosie.

Darcy from Girls Out West
“I wonder if I should bake her an apple pie?” wondered Darcy, as she luxuriated in the blue inflatable wading pool in her backyard. She was thinking about her neighbour Mrs. Jones, who had been watering the lemon tree in her front yard while Darcy was instructing the moving men where to put her furniture the day before. Mrs. Jones seemed very friendly, a warm smile lighting up her tanned face, strands of grey hair escaping the loosely formed bun.

But with the warm sun caressing her damp skin, it wasn’t long before Darcy’s mind wandered off in a different direction. She began thinking about a girl she really fancied at her work. Rosie was always getting up to mischief.

“If I were the boss, I’d give her a spanking,” Darcy grinned.

The thought of pulling Rosie over her knee and taking down her panties was all it took to drive Darcy over the edge.

“No-one’s around,” she told herself as she slid her right hand down the front of her full blue bikini bottoms and began rubbing her stiff clit.

Suddenly she was transported from the inflatable wading pool to a full-sized indoor swimming pool. And guess who was the lifesaver? None other than Rosie.

“Help! Help!” cried Darcy, pretending to drown. A very hammy performance, but it did the trick. Rosie, dressed in a tight blue one-piece with candy pink board shorts over the top, dived into the water and swam to her. The next thing she knew she was being dragged from the water. Rosie was stronger than she looked.

As soon as Rosie’s lips came down on hers to give her the kiss of life, Darcy slipped her tongue into her rescuer’s mouth.

“I don’t think you were drowning at all,” Rosie scolded her playfully. “I think you’re a horny little slut trying to take advantage of me.”

“No, really, I’m feeling faint,” Darcy insisted.

“Yes, you do look a little blue,” Rosie played along. “I think I better get you out of those tight restricting clothes.”

Back in the wading pool, Darcy untied her red bikini top and took it off. Then she slid off her bottoms and sat her nude bum down carefully on the plastic bottom of the pool. In her mind it was Rosie who had undressed her.

“What you need for your full recovery is pussy pleasure,” she declared, sucking on Darcy’s stiff pink nipples as she began running her finger lightly and teasingly across the little pink clit which stood up so proudly amongst Darcy’s curly red pubes. It wasn’t only pool water flowing from Darcy’s pussy.

Darcy wondered if they should be alone. Maybe not. What if there were a bunch of other hot girls there who couldn’t believe their luck to be witnessing such a sexy scene. Fifteen girls with their hands down their bikini bottoms - whimpering, wanting and wanking. Yes. Perfect. Darcy loved being watched.

Now Rosie needed to be naked. But how? Oh, let’s change the scenario. Now it’s a nudist swimming pool. Darcy’s been nude from the beginning and so has Rosie. And now all the wanking girls are nude too. Darcy can see their slim fingers sliding in and out of their juicy pussies. A definite improvement.

Rosie being silly
Darcy’s fantasies always began with a certain concern for realism, but the hornier she got and the faster she slid her fingers in and out of her quivering cunt, the more plot development and verisimilitude was washed away on a tide of nipple sucking, bum fingering and pussy juice showers all over her face.

By now Rosie had her bum pressed into Darcy’s face as she alternated between sucking on her clit and fucking her pussy with her tongue. With her mouth full of pussy, Rosie had to breath through her nose. It was a warm breeze that evaporated the wetness around Darcy’s sensitive arsehole. For her part, Darcy was licking Rosie’s hairy arsehole like it was a pink lollipop.

“I wonder if Rosie really does have a hairy arsehole that she likes having licked?” wondered Darcy. “Of course she does.”

Something about surrendering to the oncoming rush of orgasmic pleasure made Darcy feel like she was clairvoyant. She knew everybody’s secrets. And, by some strange coincidence, all of their secrets were really, really dirty.

Rosie brought Darcy to orgasm with her fingers and her tongue. As she quivered in an extended orgasm, each of the watching girls came over and squirted all over her face.

Back in the real world, Darcy opened her eyes and found herself looking into the eyes of another.

Apparently, when she’d shouted out “Help! Help!” in her dream, she had also done so in reality. And Mr. Jones, being a caring soul had leapt the fence to come to her aid. Instead he had spent the last ten minutes standing looking on in stunned silence, as his stark naked new neighbour played with her stiff pink nipples and fingered her juicy pussy. Understandably, he now had a very very hard cock.

“Oh, dear,” muttered Darcy, standing up and covering herself with a towel.

“Don’t worry, my dear,” he assured her. “We’re a very open-minded neighbourhood.”

“You must be Mr. Jones,” replied Darcy, remembering her manners and extending her hand.

Mr. Jones was too polite to mention that the hand Darcy had extend for him to shake was still wet with her pussy juice. By now he was so stiff that it was a wonder his cock wasn’t poking out over the top of his trousers.

That night, when Mr. Jones climbed into bed with his wife, she was in for quite a surprise. How long had it been? Seemed like ages. But now, as she felt her knickers come down, she wasn’t going to waste time wondering why. As her husband’s hands grasped the soft cheeks of her bottom and she felt the hardness of his cock slide home into her hot and hungry pussy, she was a happy woman.

Turns out Darcy had given her new neighbour something better than an apple pie.

Darcy thinks the story is funny

Friday, June 19, 2015

Getting to the Bottom of It All


If there is a cause worth standing for it is that of liberating the bottom. It has been sat upon for too long. Is it any wonder that the word "bum" is used to describe both the gluteus maximus and also those who have fallen to the lowest level of our society.

There are those who would try to excuse the lowly position of the bottom on biological determinism. After all, they will tell you, the bottom inherited the shitty end of  the digestive tract. One could only wish that the minds of such individuals were as broad as their backsides.

Bottoms are wearied neither by oppression nor derision. No matter how much abuse they may be subjected to, they cannot help but remain their cheeky selves.

The spanking of bottoms has long been a traditional punishment, which is somewhat peculiar when it is considered that it is rarely the bottom that has committed the offence. The brain is most often the source of evil doings, but the other end of the anatomy become the scapegoat.

Soft and warm and joyously wobbly, like love itself, the bottom will have its day. As it has borne, so shall it be bared. As the tides of the ocean are subject to the power of the moon, so shall the tides of social change by pushed by another kind of moon. If someone would oppress you, bare to them your nether cheeks.

Scribbler's Muse

Enid's bottom deserves to be showered with praise. You can see much more of here at Girls Out West.

Tinto Brass

Tinto Brass is the auteur of the derriere. While his most famous movie is Caligula (1979), the films which truly express his unique personality are his lower-budgeted erotic films, in which he fetishises women's bottoms to the same degree that Russ Meyer celebrated bosoms.

He is famous for saying that, while women often lie, their bottoms always tell the truth.

Frivolous Lola (1998) (aka Monella)

The gorgeous Anna Ammirati stars in this romp set in the countryside of 1950's Italy. Young baker Masetto (Max Parodi) is having trouble persuading his flirtatious fiancé that they should wait until marriage to have sex. If he won't give her what she wants, she just may find it elsewhere. Maybe even with her mother's debauched lover André (Patrick Mower), if only she could be sure he isn't her real father.

This film is full of life and colour. Whether bicycling madly, skirt flying and panties flashing at passing priests, causing Masetto to burn his loaves, or jiving with soldiers to juke box records, Lola is the very personification of joy de vivre. And much comedy comes from watching everyone else have to deal with the anarchy she spreads. But watch out for the theme song. You'll never get it out of your head.
Anna Ammirati

Looks like Cupid has scored a direct hit on one of actress, pinup model and singer Jolee Blon's most attractive features. Check out her website for more.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The Prurient Pickles of Penelope : Episode Three

Episode Three

Tramp on a Trampoline

What should Penelope do first? Rod Stroker was so far completely ignorant of the fact that he was living next door to a sexy woman who wanted to pander to his every forbidden desire, not to mention several he wouldn't even have until she suggested them.

She had to attract his attention.

Perhaps if he looked over the fence and saw her sunbathing in her back yard.

She looked at her fleshy naked body in the mirror and gave it a wiggle. If only she could sunbathe nude. It was so unfair that that wasn't allowed in suburbia. Hell, she wished she could just walk around the neighbourhood nude on a warm day. Being an exhibitionist it would make her feel so yummy. It would make her pussy really wet. And lots of guys would get stiff cocks which they could have so much fun playing with when they got home. If Penelope ruled the world it would be a happier place.

But she didn't, so she had to settle on a bikini. She dug one out of her bottom drawer which she hadn't worn in ten years. Black and white zebra stripes. She'd put on a few kilos since then, but she thought she could squeeze into it.

Sure enough she made it, though she had to tug hard. It didn't cover much. It pushed her big boobs up into a soft deep valley of cleavage. Her belly and hips bulged over the tight string that held the brief bottoms in place. And when she turned around, she could see that a couple of centimetres of butt-crack showed in the back. It looked obscene. Gloriously obscene. So obscene that she could just imagine Rod Stroker's hard cock bursting through a knothole in the fence at the sight of her.

She picked up her mobile phone and quickly took a couple of snaps of herself and sent them to Ahmed. She hoped he would share them with all his friends. She loved the idea of being the lust-object of licentious Libyans.

Next she picked up her portable speakers and her I-Pod and a tube of sunscreen, then she skipped out into her back yard. She set up her speakers and I-Pod, but didn't turn them on. There was plenty of time for that. Penelope had a trampoline in her backyard. It had been there when she moved in. Now she climbed up onto it and started covering herself with sunscreen.

The sun was soothing on her body and she soon fell asleep.

"...up to here with that fucking show," a man's voice came from across the fence. "I want a co-star that doesn't pee on me... Breath? Well, yes, he has better breath than Samantha. Eucalyptus. He eats nothing but gum leaves after all. But I had to kiss Samantha. I don't have to kiss Claude the koala... Mouth to mouth? You're fucking kidding me! Next episode? That's the final straw!"

It was Rod Stroker! Penelope went into action. She turned her I-Pod to "The Bad Touch" by Bloodhound Gang. Then she jumped up onto the trampoline and began bouncing and gyrating while singing along to the lyrics :

"You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel."

"Do you mind turning down that unholy racket?1?" Stroker cried, poking his head over the fence, his eyes shooting fire from above his sandy well-trimmed beard.

"Sorry, sir!" she apologised and turned off the music. "I'm such a big..." But his face was gone.

"Sorry about that," she heard him talking on the phone once more. "Some deranged bimbo next door..." His voice faded away as he went back into the house.

"Rod Stroker called me a 'bimbo'," Penelope sighed as she came in her bikini bottoms.

Where will Penelope's infatuation take her now? Find out next time!

Friday, April 18, 2014

The Prurient Pickles of Penelope : Episode Two

The idea for this serial was to come up with something I could write easily and quickly so that I could keep it going regularly. It's taken me more than a year to get to a second episode. Oh, well.

Episode Two

Hornier Consciousness

If Penelope was going to take full advantage of having her television idol Rod Stroker as a next door neighbour she was going to have to have a focussed mind.

She took her fluffy towel into her bedroom and placed it on the floor. As she sat down she loved the soft feeling of it against her bare bottom and the gentle caress of the warm breeze through her bedroom window as it caressed her widely spread wet pussy.

For several years now, she had been a student of a mystical practise called Horniyana Meditation. The aim was to connect with the universal erotic vibration of the universe.

First she picked up a moderate sized pink vibrator. Turning it on high she inserted it into her vagina. She was so wet that normally it would have popped right out again. To prevent this from happening, and in order to properly align her chakras, she crossed her legs into the lotus position, pressing the heal of one bare foot over the bottom of her buzzing toy.

She cleared her mind and let the light of creation illuminate her consciousness, as the waves of divine pleasure radiated out from her yoni to all parts of her physical being.

At first she would experience a series of orgasms, but as she learned to sit with her pleasure the cycle would become a constant. Orgasm was no longer a thing which happened. It was a place to be.

In this state the worldly boundaries, inhibitions and attachments would melt away. Sexual preferences were first perceived as limitations and then transcended. Penelope came to perceive that everyone was a point on the erotic matrix, and so the inherent sexiness of all her fellow humans was revealed to her as something irrespective of gender, physical appearance or age.

Through this spiritual practice, she became the earthly embodiment of the eternal sacred slut. She longed to bring enlightenment to all. She was not a woman of words or languages, but she knew that her tongue could speak the universal language of sexual pleasure. The problems of the world could be licked by licking. And there would be less men in the world who would act like pricks if she anointed their pricks with the love liquor leaking from between her labia.

Returning to this earthly realm she stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. It wasn't narcissism that made her gaze longingly at her bountiful breasts with their pert pink nipples, the soft curve of her pale belly, the neatly trimmed auburn curls which adorned the area above her large pink and puffy labia ("all the better to be sucked into your mouth and played with with your tongue" she would have told any prospective lover), or that made her wink at herself and smile in a cheeky way that wrinkled up her freckled nose. She was a part of the erotic matrix too, and this is what she was appreciating as she thought about how she would totally fuck herself if she had a cock. Even without one she would lick that lovely pussy of hers. But she wasn't a contortionist, so her self-love would have to be satisfied with masturbation.

The sad truth, of course, was that Penelope was ahead of the curve on this whole universal erotic consciousness stuff. She was a pleasantly plump thirty-year-old, more plain than pretty. Her main attractions were her warm heart and her curves. But few would give her a second look if they saw her walking down the street in jeans and t-shirt.

In her own mind though she was doing a slow striptease for an audience of 300 naked men. They were all stroking their stiff cocks. How could they not? And as she lay naked, legs spread wide, quivering in a self-induced orgasm, they took turns to shower her in the seminal tribute of their lust. And she giggled to herself as she thought what a good thing it was that the world was full of cum sluts like herself who would now come to lick her body clean with their tender pink tongues.

There was a whole world in need of succour and enlightenment. But the need was not equal. There were some who lived troubled stressful lives in the public eye with nothing to comfort them but empty materialism. People, for instance, who worked in the television industry, having to churn out episode after episode of a koala-themed family adventure series when deep down they longed to play Hamlet. Charity begins at home. Or if not at home then, at the very least, next door.

How will Penelope try to lure her lust-object Rod Stoker into an act of karmic copulation? Find out next time!

Sunday, February 3, 2013

The Prurient Pickles of Penelope - Episode One

I've decided to have a go at a flash fiction serial. Let me know what you think.

Episode One

Greeced Lightning

Penelope loved all kinds of porno movies, but gay porno movies were her favourites. There was a simple reason for this. They had more hunky guys in them. More hunky guys with big stiff pricks. In Penelope's mind the only reason they were fucking each other is because she wasn't there to be gang-banged by them.

On this balmy summer evening she lay back naked on her fake leather couch, some fluffy bath towels under her to soak up her sweat. And the sweat was dripping freely down her plump thirty-year-old body as she lazily stroked her sensitive clit. She'd lost count of how many times she had cum already. The DVD she was watching was erotic and educational. The Anals of History.

After a segment on prehistory – Erect Homos – the story jumped to ancient Egypt – Queens of the Nile. Now it was time for ancient Greece. The title came up : The Gloryhole That Was Greece.

"Ooooh, the Olympic Games!" enthused Penelope lubing up a massive dildo.

She wondered briefly whether the producers of the film really paid for the rights to use Vangelis' theme from Chariots of Fire, but it did fit perfectly with the sight of naked men running in slow motion with their erect cocks bouncing around before them.

After the 200 metres sprint came the relay race.

"But they don't have any batons. How can you have a relay race without batons?" Penelope wondered. The first runners sped down the track, all sweaty and stiff. In front of them their teammates crouched on their starting blocks ready for a fast take off.

"Oh!" Penelope exclaimed. "So that's how it works." She imagined herself all greased and naked and bent over on the race track all ready to receive a flesh baton. Then she slid her fat slippery dildo deep into her butthole. It felt so good. On a sudden impulse she grabbed her mobile phone and photographed herself. Then she threw down the phone, looked back to the television screen and rubbed her twat until she twitched all over. She always came harder if she knew her 18-year old internet boyfriend Ahmed would see the evidence and stroke his dusky dick.

She was exhausted. She'd have to watch the rest of the DVD another time.

When she turned it off a gossip show came up on the television. The screen filled with the face of her favourite television star – Rod Stroker, star of The Koala Whisperer. Her tired clit gave one more little twitch.

"Tired of the empty glitter of living in a penthouse on the Gold Coast, Rod has decided to give up the trappings of his success and move into a small unpretentious home in suburban Adelaide," the host of the show explained. A moving van pulled up to an ordinary looking house. A house which looked strangely familiar to Penelope.

"Oh, my God," she cried. "Rod Stroker's my new next door neighbour!"

Monday, January 21, 2013

The Erotic Office : Episode Two

By popular demand... well, demand from one person anyway... here is the second episode of this serial I started on my old Yahoo erotic story group. Since this is as far as I got with it, the chance of me posting any more is quite small. It would take major pressure... like two people asking me to.

The Erotic Office : Episode Two

Leah from Girls Out West
When  I opened my eyes they were looking straight into hers. It was Nicole.

There was no way I could stop. Waves of delirious pleasure coursed through me as I shot stream after stream of cum all over the front of Nicole's blouse and mini-skirt, and onto her long bare legs.

"You naughty boy! Look what a mess you've made!" she exclaimed.

As I cleaned myself up, I heard her run back into the main office.

"David was masturbating in the toilet and shot his stuff all over me!" she told all of the other women in the office. "Look what a mess he made of me!"

"You had better rinse that out right away," came a knowledgeable voice from across the room. "Cum stains."

When I came out of the cubicle, Nicole was standing at one of the basins wearing only her bra and panties. Her panties were so brief that they revealed a full inch of cleavage in the back as she bent down and sponged away at her clothes.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to."

"That's O.K., Honey," she said. "I should have knocked."

"I thought this was the men's," I explained.

"Well, there weren't any men until today," she said. "And it's closer than the other one."

"Which explains the pictures on the walls," I responded.

"Exactly. You're not the first one to play with yourself in there you know," she winked. "Oh, dear. It looks like I'll have to work like this for the rest of the day," she added, hanging her clothes over the radiator to dry.

"I don't mind," I smiled.

"I bet you don't," she replied.

Leah from Girls Out West
My face was burning when I came back out into the main office. All of the women were laughing at me. 
Deb, the food and wine columnist, was making a crude wanking gesture. "Maybe you'd like a little help next time. I'm sure I'm a better aim than you are. Or were you planning on hitting poor little Nicole?"

I slunk away to my desk and tried to look inconspicuous.

From then on the women in the office felt they could take liberties with my person. As I went about doing my work, which required consulting with each about her work, I was groped, stroked and pinched.

But that was O.K. They could hardly complain if I did likewise. And so, by the end of the afternoon, there would not be a soft plump breast or rounded firm bottom in the room that I hadn't squeezed or stroked or patted to my heart's content.

Though my heart may have been content, however, my cock was not. I made no attempt to hide its state of stiffness, and, indeed, several of the ladies could not resist squeezing the front of my pants to test it's firmness.

The main visual treat of the afternoon, of course, was watching Nicole flit about the office in her skimpy little bra and panties. I was tempted to accidentally spill coffee on them to see if I could get her nude, but I decided that that was sport for another day.

Sometime in the middle of the afternoon she had a long giggling conversation on the phone after which she knocked on Cheryl's door and informed her that "Wolfie" would be coming in tomorrow afternoon to talk about an idea he had for a story in which he would "go undercover" in a nudist colony.

"I don't know how you can go 'undercover' in a nudist colony," Nicole finished, "I thought the whole idea was to go 'uncovered'."

"Never mind, I'm sure 'Wolfie' will explain everything," Cheryl assured her. "By the way, why are you undressed?"

"David wanked all over my clothes," she explained.

"Did he indeed?" Cheryl asked rhetorically. "You'd better send him in."

"Cheryl wants to see you David," she told me as she came back out.

"What's this I hear about you wanking all over Nicole's clothes?" Cheryl asked as I entered her office and closed the door behind me.

Savannah from Girls Out West
"It was an accident," I replied, nervously.

"You were just accidentally masturbating?" she asked.

"Well, no. I was doing that on purpose."


"Well, to tell you the truth it was you."


"You got me so turned on I just had to get some relief," I explained.

"Well, flattering as that may be," she replied, "I don't take kindly to anything which disrupts work in the office. You'll need to be punished. Come over here and drop your pants."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me. Come over here and drop them."

I approached her desk, undid my belt and unzipped my pants and let them drop to the floor.

"Don't tell me I've got you all excited again?" she asked when she saw how my stiff cock jutted out within my underpants.

"I'm sorry," I replied. "It has a mind of it's own."

"Here, wank off into this," she ordered, throwing me a lacy handkerchief which she pulled out of her pocket. "I don't want you making a mess of my desk when I spank you."

My mind swam at the strangeness of it all, but I did as I was told. I pulled down my underpants, grasped my cock and began wanking while Cheryl looked on intently. She was standing up behind her desk now and I looked deep into her green eyes as I stroked my stiffness. As I masturbated I imagined grabbing her and ripping off her dress. I saw myself taking her across the desk, sliding my cock in and out of her dripping wet pussy as she screamed for more. Finally, I moaned and filled the silk hankie with my seed.

"You look like you enjoyed that," Cheryl commented, handing me a half dozen tissues to clean myself up with.

"Thank you," I replied. "I did."

"I'll tell you a little secret," she said, conspiratorially. "So did I. But now discipline must be served. Bend over the desk."

Leaving my now wilted cock nestled within a pile of tissues, I bent down over the desk.

Cheryl stroked my bottom tenderly one time and then began giving it a series of hard spanks. I was surprised by her strength, and soon I was smarting from the pain.

"There. Let that be a lesson to you," she said.

I readjusted by clothing and went back out into the main office where the women were laughing at me once again. Oh, well.

I had to consult with Alexandra, who was the lay-out designer for the magazine, so I pulled a chair up next to hers and asked to look at what she had been working on.

Cleo from Girls Out West
Alexandra was a strikingly attractive woman with long black hair piled up in a bun on the top of her head. She wore very fashionable looking red glasses, the frames of which matched the cherry colour of her lipstick.

As she showed me the layout for the new issue, I gently caressed the back of her neck. Then she turned towards me to explain a particular detail, and I found myself looking deep into her bright blue eyes and not hearing a word she was saying. I imagined those soft tender red lips kissing their way down my chest.

Finally, I felt myself drawn by some kind of sexual magnetism to press my lips to hers. She responded passionately, opening her mouth and locking tongues with me. I was lost in another world, until the sound of cheers and applause from the other women brought me back to reality.

"I just had to do that," I told her. "I couldn't concentrate on work until I got that out of my system."

"Oh, I wouldn't want anything to get in the way of your ability to concentrate," she replied, breathily.

Eventually, I had to move on to dealing with some other matters, and returned to my own desk. A number of the women had, at various times, to come and consult me on something, and this would also entail a little mutual fondling, and, just to make sure I could concentrate on what they were saying, each would give me a passionate kiss before going on to consult with me.

I was on my way back from making myself a cup of tea when Alexandra stopped me.

"I've dropped my pen under my desk," she explained, "and I can't seem to find it. Do you think you could have a look for it?"

"Of course," I replied helpfully, and crawled under her desk.

As soon as I was there I realised that she had pulled her full skirt up around her waist. She wasn't wearing any panties, and she was playing with herself. Her fingers were twiddling with her stiff clit amidst a forest of jet-black pubes.

With a sigh I buried my face between her warm soft thighs. I pressed my lips against her wet pussy, and lapped at it with my tongue. My lips kissed her pussy and her still playing fingers.

I stayed under Alexandra's desk for half-an-hour, the two of us engaged in a cosy conspiracy centred on her orgasmic pleasure.

Finally, however, she came, wetting my face with her juices, and I crawled out from under her desk, staggering a little until the blood came back into my legs.

All of a sudden, it seemed, it was 5. 30 and time to go home. But the women explained that they wanted to have a little party to welcome me to the office, so computers were turned off and alcohol was brought out.

Victor and Annabel from Girls Out West
Cheryl came out of her office, too, and joined in the fun. And soon we were all a bit tipsy.
"You've been a very naughty boy, today," Deb pointed out, taking a swig of red wine straight from the bottle. "I think you should make up for it by taking off all of your clothes."

"Yes," agreed Cheryl. "What's a party without a nude man to serve us our drinks and nibblies."

I didn't need any further prompting. The ladies all helped me to get out of my clothes, and from then on I wandered amongst them with a glass in one hand and a bottle in the other, and my stiff cock wagging in front of me.

"It's initiation time!" cried Alexandra, who'd let her hair down now, so that it fell down around her shoulders.

"Yes, initiation time," they all agreed, including Nicole, who had her hand down her panties and was happily playing with herself....

Rosie from Girls Out West
To be continued (when Hell freezes over)...