Three in a Bed : A Sunday Snog

This week's Sunday Snog is another extract from my as yet unfinished novel Vanessa's Island. For more about the institution of the Sunday Snog and links to other contributions check out Victoria Blisse's blog.

Three in a Bed

"Time for bed, loverboy," Vanessa grinned.

"O.K.!" I yelled, grabbing her by the hand and dragging her towards the bedroom.

"Whoooh," Vanessa protested. "Hold your horses."

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"You haven't even kissed Nicole goodnight," she reminded me. "You really must learn to mind your manners."

"Oh yeah," I replied, running over to Nicole and pecking her on the cheek.

"That's not a kiss," Nicole protested. "THIS is a kiss." She threw her arms around my neck, pressed her soft boobs against my chest and kissed me long and hard and open-mouthed. As our tongues entwined, I rubbed my stiff cock against her firm belly in a desperate humping motion.

"All right all ready, that's enough!" cried Vanessa, pulling us apart. "I can't even trust you to give the girl a polite goodnight kiss."

"Poor David," Nicole sympathised, "I think you'd better take care of that cock of his right away before it explodes."

"Goodnight Nicole," Vanessa smiled, leading me into the bedroom.

"Goodnight, Vanessa. Goodnight, David," Nicole called after us, through the closing door.

Vesper and Lucie from Girls Out West

"So, David," said Vanessa, turning to me with an evil grin, "feel like a fuck?"

I threw my arms around her immediately and pulled her close. After all that frustration, the feel or her soft warm belly against my aching prick was too much. A wave of ecstasy shook my body and I coated the underside of her boobs with several jets of creamy hot jism.

"Oh, dear," Vanessa laughed, "I suppose I should have known that that would happen if I kept you waiting this long. I bet there's a hell of a lot more where that came from though." She grasped my still-stiff cock and slid her hand slowly up and down in its slick coating of cum.

"Oh, that's so good," I sighed.

"Now lie down on the bed," she instructed. "My pussy is almost as desperate as you are."

Following instructions, I lay down on the bed and watched as Vanessa lowered her auburn-haired pussy over my stiff cock.

"Oh God, yeah," I cried, reaching up to squeeze her bottom cheeks while she rode me like a horse.

Vanessa closed her eyes and pinched her nipples as she rode me and it wasn't long before a spasm rocked her body and she cried out in ecstasy as she collapsed on top of me in a sweaty heap.

"See," she said, with a slow sensuous smile, "some things are worth waiting for."

As she lay back on the bed beside me I began drawing slow circles around one of her sweaty nipples with my index finger. Then I leaned down and gently kissed the soft side of her throat.

"You really are the sexiest woman in the world," I told her.

"What about Nicole?" she asked.

"Oh, all right, you're the second sexiest woman in the world," I replied.

"You bastard!" she cried, slapping my face with a playful grin.

"Let's just say, that you are the sexiest woman in the world and Nicole is the sexiest girl," I replied diplomatically. "She is only half your age after all."

"You don't have to rub it in," Vanessa sulked.

"But I thought you liked it when I rubbed it in," I replied, rubbing my fingers in her cum-coated pussy.

"Well, when you put it that way... " Vanessa sighed, her evil grin once more manifesting itself.

"Oh, I'll put it anyway you like," I smiled, kissing her on the lips.

It didn't take much of this fooling around before my cock was stiff once more.

"Give it to me one more time," she said, giving me a slow, tired smile.

"Isn't that a song?" I asked, as I climbed between her legs and slid my cock deep into her welcoming pussy.

"If you start singing, I'll never forgive you," she replied. "Just shut your mouth and fuck me."

I was doing as ordered, slowly pumping my stiff prick in and out of Vanessa's hot pussy, when there was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" I asked, keeping up my rhythm.

"Idiot," Vanessa laughed, softly smacking the side of my head. "What do you want, Nicole?"

"I'm lonely," Nicole's voice replied sadly, from the other side of the door. "Can I sleep in your bed tonight?"

"Well, David and I are fucking at the moment," Vanessa replied.

"Oh, goody," cried Nicole, opening the door and running in to the room. "I hoped you might be. I love to watch."

"Well, David," said Vanessa, "I suppose we better make sure we put on a good show."

Vanessa squeezed her pussy around my cock to try to stop me from pulling it out, but I pulled hard and out it came with a wet plopping sound.

"See, Nicole," I said, putting on a teacherly voice, "this is David's cock, and this is Vanessa's hot horny pussy. And this is how David's stiff cock and Vanessa's hot horny pussy make friends with each other."

With that I spread Vanessa's legs even further apart with my hands and plunged my stiff prick back where it belonged.

"Oh, yeah," Vanessa sighed. "Teach her well, David, teach her well."

Nicole climbed onto the bed beside us and smiled happily as we fucked. She reached out with her right hand and slowly stroked the flexing musles in my left leg, as I plunged my cock again and again into Vanessa's insatiable pussy.

When Vanessa and I finally came simultaneously, a wave of ecstasy sweeping our bodies, Nicole celebrated the event by leaning down and planting a gentle kiss on left cheek of my sweat-soaked ass.

"I need a drink after all that exercise," I said, getting up off the bed. "You girls want anything?"

"Why don't you bring in what's left of the lemonade and three glasses," Vanessa suggested.

"Your wish is my command," I replied hammily, bowing my way o
ut the door.

The night was warm and humid. I could hear the heavy tropical rain beating a steady rhythm on the roof as I turned on the kitchen light. As I opened the refrigerator door the cool air felt good against my sweat-and-cum-soaked skin. I took out the pitcher of lemonade and placed it on a tray that was lying on the counter. I grabbed three glasses and put them next to the pitcher. Then  I carried the tray into the bedroom, switching off the kitchen light with my elbow as I went past.

Nicole and Vanessa were talking softly together about how wonderful life was on the island. As they talked Nicole ran a finger tentatively over the sweaty skin of Vanessa's hip.

"Vanessa?" Nicole asked, with a slightly troubled look on her face.

"Yes, Nicole," Vanessa replied.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Of course. But I didn't think you were interested in other women."

"Neither did I, until just now. But I want to know what it feels like."

I set the tray of drinks down on the bedside table and watched as Nicole gently took Vanessa's face between her shaking hands and brought their lips together. After a moment she pulled back and looked deep into Vanessa's eyes. Then she pressed her lips back to Vanessa's, putting her arms around her and pulling her close. A tremor went through Nicole's body as she and Vanessa's mouths opened and their tongues began to play together.

"Oh, wow," Nicole sighed, when she finally pulled away. "That was fantastic! I never knew it would be like that."

"I've been wanting to do that ever since you arrived on the island," Vanessa confessed.

"Look," said Nicole, spreading her legs wide apart so that Vanessa and I could see the juice that was trickling from the crack of her pussy.

"Mmmmm," I replied, sitting down on the bed and leaning over to lick it up.

"Oh, that's wonderful, David," Nicole sighed. "But I want Vanessa to lick it."

"I thought you'd never ask," Vanessa smiled, as her face sank slowly between Nicole's legs.

"Geez," I complained, "I'm stuck with a pair of lesbians. I can see I won't e
ven get a look in from now on."

"Judging by the state of David's cock," Nicole pointed out, "I think he likes lesbian girls. Does David want a naughty lesbian girlie to suck his cock for him."

"I wouldn't say no," I replied.

While Vanessa slurped happily at Nicole's pussy, Nicole leaned across and grasped my hot hard cock in her soft hand and lowered her warm lips around its sensitive head. She sucked it hard into her mouth, and then pulled back so that the end slipped out from between her lips with wet popping sound. She repeated this action several times, obviously delighted by the sound that it made."

"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with your food," I complained.

By way of an answered Nicole just bared her teeth around my cock playfully.

"O.K., O.K.," I replied, quickly, "I get the point."

After that Nicole got down to some serious sucking and soon I was coating her tonsils with love juice.

"Oh, God," she cried, after she'd had a chance to swallow. "I'm cumming... "

When Vanessa finally came up for air, she was a mess. Her chin, mouth and nose were all drippng wet as she grinned at me. I leaned over and pulled a dark pubic hair from between her teeth.

Vanessa and Nicole were so excited by the joy that they had discovered together that they talked long into the night. Eventually I had to slap their bottoms playfully and tell them to shut up so I could get some sleep.

The next morning I was the first to wake. When a gentle kiss on each of their behinds failed to wake Vanessa and Nicole, I decided to let them sleep.

I fixed myself some breakfast and then set off to do some spear-fishing at the lagoon on the other side of the island, in hopes that I might catch a special lunchtime treat for my two weary bedmates.

"Aw, how romantic," I commented upon my return, when I found the two of them doing a naked slow dance to Tony Bennett.

Vanessa stuck her tongue out at me. "She dances better than you do, anyway," she commented.

I just sat down and watched them circle the floor, sometimes pressing their breasts together, sometimes pulling back so that their stiff nipples just barely touched and tickled each other. All the while grinding their hips together, Vanessa's auburn pubes intermingling with Nicole's black ones.

I had to admit that watching them dance like that was a major turn-on. As I watched them I slowly began to stroke my stiff cock.

"Just because you come home and find two nude lesbians slow dancing in your bedroom, doesn't mean you have to sit down and start masturbating," Nicole scolded me playfully.

"Oh, poor David," Vanessa replied. "I think he feels left out. Just because we like licking each others pussies doesn't mean we love him any less, does it."

With that they came over to where I was sitting and knelt down on either side of me. I continued to stroke my erection while they kissed each other over my lap, sucking on each others tongues sensuously. Then Nicole pulled my hand off of my cock and replaced it with her own. She pulled the head of my cock towards her mouth and gav
e it a tentative lick, then she offered it to Vanessa who did likewise. Then both bent down and began licking and sucking up and down either side of my cock, their lips and tongues occassionally brushing against each other around my shaft. Finally they were engaged in a wet open-mouthed kiss around my stiff cockshaft.

Eventually I surrendered myself totally to the rapturous pleasure they were giving me and spurted several jets of hot cum over both their faces.

As I sat there feeling totally satisfied, they
grinned up at me with my cum running in creamy rivulets down their foreheads and dripping from the ends of their noses. Then they turned towards each other and began licking each others faces clean.

When they had achieved this, Vanessa grabbed Nicole by the hand and led her over to the bed. Lying down in a 69 position, with Nicole on top, her round pink bottom pointed towards me, they proceeded to lick and suck each others pussies hungrily.

The sight was too much for me and my cock soon swelled back to full stiffness. Walking over to the bed to get a closer view of Vanessa's pink tongue flickering in and out of Nicole's dripping pussy, I proceeded to wank myself off and sprayed another load of cum over Nicole's back. When she and Vanessa had both reached quivering orgasms, she raised herself up and I watched my cum slowly run down her back and between the cheeks of her bottom.

That night Nicole, Vanessa and I again wore ourselves out with frenzied love-making.

The End (for now)

Sheepish Shakira : An Aussiescribbler VidCapToon

Here is another of the comic strips I created from caps of a video on the Girls Out West site.

Ode to a Bum

Vesper from Girls Out West

Being sat on all day does you no harm

It robs you of none of your cheeky charm

Though your owner thinks that you're too fat

You are what I most fervently long to pat

Even when you were sitting upon the crapper

You inspired a song from LL Cool Jay the rapper

Millions of guys dream of you while wanking

But what you most desire is a painful spanking

Hidden deep between your fleshy globes

Is a tight little hole that welcomes probes

Let me slide my hotdog between your buns

You inspirer of some of my cheesiest puns

I know you can't hear me as you have no ears

But you really are the queen of all the rears

You sublime and sensuous panty stretcher

Inspirer of unending lust in this dirty lecher

Meet Fabulous Faith (An Aussiescribbler VidCapToon)

For a while back in 2006/2007 I was doing Picture of the Day postings for Girls Out West, a top-quality female-run Aussie porn site. When promoting a video, I got sick of simply doing a single vidcap and, instead, started making up image mosaics. When that got dull I started to turn them into cartoon strips with captions and even, sometimes, voice bubbles. I've posted a few of these on Tumblr where they seem to have been popular. I was reluctant to post them here simply because some of the images are a little more explicit than those in the pictures I use to illustrate my stories. But, what the hell, they are still not as graphic as what is described in the stories. Let me know if you like the idea and I'll post more. You'll have to click on the image and see it at full size to be able to read it.

Celebrity Taste Buddies : Fuck Me Friday

Hopefully a little filth is what you fancy as it is once more Fuck Me Friday. So pull up a bean bag and make yourself comfortable and I'll tell you a story. Don't forget to visit Aisling Weaver's site to find out all about this Twitterotica institution and to read the stories by all the other contributors. And always remember we can't see you when you read our stories, so let us know if they made you happy.

Celebrity Taste Buddies

You know how it is in dreams. How you aren't always yourself.

Well, last night I was Gordon Ramsay.

I was about to give the Kitchen Nightmares treatment to a lady chef. I already had my shirt off as I strode into her large kitchen, resplendent with metres and metres of sparkling aluminium surfaces. There she was washing vegetables at the sink. All she was wearing was an apron. And she had the most gorgeous arse I'd ever seen, round and pert and gloriously pink. She had the figure of a fifties sex goddess, from her broad shoulders to her womanly hips and fleshy legs which tapered down to exquisitely well-turned ankles. She slowly turned to face me.

It was Nigella Lawson.

"I've been dying to poke around your pantry, Nigella," I told her.

"You think you're such a rogue, don't you Gordon?" she scolded me playfully, a naughty twinkle in her eye. "But you're really just a boorish brute. Jamie is much nicer. And cuter. Even if I can really spank his bottom when it comes to cooking."

"What are you trying to make?" I asked, shaking my head as I came over to examine the contents of the sink, and, at the same time, shamelessly fondle Nigella's nude bottom.

"I'm making a tomato surprise," she explained.

"I don't see any tomatoes there," I pointed out.

"It doesn't have any," she said. "That's the surprise."

"What's the main dish?" I wanted to know.

"This is," she replied. "We're serving a vegetarian meal."

"Fuck me!" I cursed. "Why would you want to do that?"

"It's healthy," she maintained.

"Nothing wrong with the good old fashioned English meat and two veg!" I cried.

"Gordon! Gordon! Gordon!" she sighed, shaking her head.

"Here's one I prepared earlier," I told her, pulling down my chef's pants and waving my stiff cock and balls in her general direction.

"Unimaginative," she declared, raising an eyebrow as she stared at my cock. Then she gathered a droplet of pre-cum off the tip with her finger and placed it between her succulent lips. "But boldly delicious none the less."

The next thing I knew the kitchen staff arrived from out of nowhere. Twenty female cooking students between the ages of 18 and 25 of all different body types and hair colours, and all stark naked. They weren't even wearing aprons any more, and neither was Nigella. This was a dream. None of us were going to get burned by hot fat.

They were all doing a great job of preparing a gourmet meal, but I was Gordon Ramsay, and this was Kitchen Nightmares, so I just pretended they were incompetent, because it was more fun that way.

"You've got to be fuckin' kidding me!" I cried. "You call that chopping parsley!" The cute pink-cheeked little butter ball was actually doing an awesome job, but I wanted to tell her off and spank her big bottom. And that is just what I did.

They all knew I was just pretending. And they were determined to have fun at my expense as well.

"Now to slice up some salami for the pizza!" cried a skinny freckly redhead, grabbing my cock in one hand and a huge butcher knife in the other.

"Hey!" cried Nigella, rescuing me. "This is a vegetarian dish remember?"

"Oh, dear!" cried a short bespectacled brunette. "I've made a mess!"

She had spilled a creamy cheese sauce all down the front of her.

"I'll help you with that!" I cried, sinking to my knees and enthusiastically licking the delicious thick liquid off of her erect clit.

"Here comes more!" she cried, picking up the saucepan and deliberately pouring it all over her nipples and belly and my own head. The next thing I knew there were wet tongues lapping at my back as the sauce ran down towards my arse.

"How's this?" asked Nigella, walking up and deliberately sprinkling a herb and spice mix over her pussy. "I'm not sure if I've got the mix quite right?"

Soon all the girls were getting me to taste stuff off of their stiff clits.

"I'm getting a stiff back here," I complained. "Let's do things a little differently. I'm not the only one with taste buds you know."

So from that point on all of the tasting was done by the girls, off of the end of my erect cock. Those lasses were a lovely lot of lickers. And, this being a dream, I came and came and came, filling all of their mouths with my own special recipe sauce for afters.

The weirdest bit of the dream was when whipped cream started shooting out of the end of my cock and the girls took turns to use me to decorate cakes.

Finally the meal was prepared and we all sat down to eat it.

By this time Nigella had been hitting the cooking sherry and was happily plastered.

"We don't have glasses," she pointed out. "So everyone will have to drink wine out of my cunt."

"A red, I think, with this meal," I suggested.

"I don't care, as long as it's bubbly," she slurred. "I love the feel of bubbles up my boo boo."

So she stood on her head with her legs spread while I poured a sparkling red up to the brim of her cunt.

"Ooooooh, it tickles!" she cried. And we all lined up to drink the fizzy liquid and give her clit a friendly flick with our tongues.

Of course it all ended in a food fight. And we had to lick all of the food off of each others bodies.

Just as I was laying back feeling tongues lapping at my face and nipples and fingers and balls and cock and toes and.... everything, there was a loud knock a the door.

"We heard that there was a major culinary event underway, so we thought we'd drop in," explained a gruff voice.

It was the Hairy Bikers. Thank goodness at that moment I woke up.

The End

Aleese's Hot Buns (A Fragment from the Archives)

At one stage I experimented with the idea of writing sexy little serials inspired by the models at my favourite porn site Girls Out West and including some of the other fans from the message boards as characters. Here is an example. I never did get past episode one. So it is a bit like those annoying television shows which get cancelled while on a cliff hanger. But, who knows, maybe if someone lets me know what they think should happen next I'll write more. Or maybe you'd like to be a resident at Gow Manor.


Aleese’s Hot Buns

The real Aleese

Aleese had been working at Gow Manor for about a month. She enjoyed it far more than working in the bread factory, where the famous writer Mr. Scribbler had first discovered her while doing research for an article on the multigrain scandal. Bread with dead weevils in it was being passed off as multigrain, and the Scribbler had been determined to get to the bottom of it. But the bottom he had got to was Aleese’s. He’d seen her bending over a hot oven in her tight white baker’s pants and had given her a playful pat on the rump. He’d then slid his hand between her butt-cheeks and gently tickled the cloth that was pulled tight over her hot hidden pussy.

“Wouldn’t you like to come and work for me?” he asked her with a warm and mischievous smile. “This factory is going down. I have the dirt on them.”

And so she had come to work at Scribbler’s country seat - a luxurious manor house at which he entertained all his friends from the aristocracy. Noone used their real name when staying at Gow Manor. Mr Scribbler was the pseudonym under which a prominent novelist wrote exposés for the gutter press.

Aleese’s job at the manor was to bake hot buns for the guests to enjoy as part of their continental breakfast. Not only would she bake them, but she had the job of delivering them to the guest’s rooms, a job for which she would slip out of her baker’s uniform and into a skimpy maid’s outfit, with a frilly skirt that stuck out and revealed her tighty-stretched silk panties when she bent down, and low cut neckline designed to display her soft pale breasts to the best advantage.

Delivering the hot buns to the guest’s rooms was the part of the job that Aleese loved. The guests at Gow Manor were a horny bunch, and Aleese loved being able to go into their bedrooms each morning. Most of the guests enjoyed taking breakfast in bed. Aleese loved to tease them by bending over more than she needed to to place a plate of buns on the bedspread next to them. She particularly loved it when she could see a gentleman’s cock grow long and stand up tall beneath the sheets in appreciation of the show. And thankfully the guests of Gow Manor were not ones to keep their hands to themselves. Aleese loved to have her bottom and boobs fondled and a good deal of fondling went on each morning as she did her rounds.

Some of her favourite guests were : old Mr. Fancier, who would entertain her with funny dirty poems which made her laugh ; Mr. Hulk, an old school chum of Mr. Scribbler’s and the only guest who was not an aristocrat, working as he did as a salesman for a particular new style of leisure footwear designed especially for visits to the beach; Mr. Anubis, an Egyptologist who showed his affection for Aleese by goosing her right between her panty-clad bottom cheeks in the most exciting manner; and Mr. and Mrs. Roops, the only married couple amongst the guests.

Mrs. Roops was a very heavy sleeper, and once Mr. Roops showed Aleese his patented way of waking her from her slumbers. The lovely auburn-haired Mrs. Roops was asleep on her belly. Mr. Roops put a finger to his lips to indicated that Aleese should not say a word. He then pulled down the bedclothes and lifted Mrs. Roop’s lace-trimmed silk nightie to display her firm naked bottom. Gently prying apart the cheeks of his wife’s bottom, Mr. Roops bent  down and gently licked her hairy butt-hole until she began to moan softly. Aleese was greatly aroused by seeming Mr. Roops do this. She wished he would lick her butt-hole too. But she knew she mustn’t linger over her deliveries or Annie would tell her off, and maybe even spank her.

Annie was the chief downstairs maid, and Aleese considered her something of a tyrant. She was an attractive woman with a particularly lovely pair of legs, with softly dimpled knees, something she was, to Aleese’s mind, quite vain about. It seemed she was always lifting her skirt and admiring her own legs in the mirror when Aleese reported for duty. So  far Aleese had never been spanked by Miss Annie, but she had heard from other servant girls that Annie’s right hand could leave quite an impression on a naughty girl’s bottom.

Aleese's buns

Apart from Mr. Scribbler’s friends, the Manor was also frequented by a constant stream of gorgeous courtesans. Aleese would often find them in bed with the guests or wandering the halls clad in the skimpiest and sexiest of outfits, or even nothing at all. “My house is Liberty Hall,” Mr. Scribbler was in the habit of declaring loudly, and he meant it.

Delivering buns to Mr. Scribbler’s room was another favourite part of the morning for Aleese. Mr. Scribbler was an eccentric gentleman and was always up and out of bed when Aleese entered his room. “Inspiration has crept in with the dawn,” he would inform her when she came in to put a plate of toasty buns down on the desk at which he was writing stark naked. “Ah, my love, what would I do without your buns!” he would sighed, throwing his arm around her waist to pull her close and plant a kiss upon the exposed flesh of her bosom. And sometimes he would reach around and slide his hand right down inside the seat of her panties to fondle her warm cheeks. All the time Aleese’s eyes were fixed on his cock which was invariably stiffly erect and dribbling copious amounts of pre-cum. Aleese always wondered if he had been wanking just before she entered his room.

By the time Aleese had finished her delivery round she was always really horny. So far she hadn’t had sex with Mr. Scribbler or any of his guests. Annie timed her on her delivery round and so, though many a guest had proposed some hanky panky, she hadn’t taken them up on the offer for fear of receiving a spanking from Miss Annie.

But once she had reported her delivery round completed, she found she could sneak back into the pantry for a wank. She would take off her panties and throw herself down on the big sacks of flour. There she would gently finger her warm wet pussy and tickle herself on her stiff little clit as she fantasied about pulling down the sheets of one of the guest’s beds and taking his hard cock  into the soft, warm wetness of her mouth. She loved sucking cock and it was ages since she had had the opportunity. Other times she would fantasise about being gangbanged by all her favourite guests. And if she was really feeling naughty she would imagine that Miss Annie was watching the orgy through a keyhole and wanking her wet pussy. At other times she fantasised about the gorgeous courtesans with names like Dandy, Miranda and Page, and what their experienced hands and tongues could do to her tender body.

Miranda

Most of all though, she loved to fantasise about being fucked by Big Kev. Big Kev was the delivery man who brought the flour each day, heaving it into the pantry over his big muscly shoulder. Aleese could tell he had a really big cock, because she had seen it swinging around inside his overalls. Obviously he never wore any underpants.

“Fuck my juicy cunt with your rock hard cock, Big Kev!” Aleese was yelling at the top of her voice as she slid the middle finger of her left hand in and out of her juicy wet pussy and fingered her tight warm little bottom-hole with the index finger or her right.

It was just at that moment that the pantry door opened and a figure was silhouetted in the doorway.

To be continued...

The legendary Dandy

Licentious Limericks

In the wake of my post about saucy poetry and lewd limericks I've been having a go myself.

I wrote these two to accompany pictures of girls from my favourite porn site Girls Out West on my Tumblr account. They might raise a smile, and, if nothing else, they give an excuse to post a couple of sexy photos.

There once was a nude girl with a bucket

Who stuck out her clit and said "Suck it!"

I gave it a lick

And pulled out my prick

In hopes that she might want to fuck it

There once was a gardener named Bella

Whose nudity aroused every fella

The rose has a thorn

And I have the horn

Something something something umbrella

Life, The Universe & Chocolate Bunnies!

Although the most important holiday for the Christian religion, celebrating its central figure's alleged return from the grave, Easter derives its name from a pagan goddess named Éostre. The concept of a new beginning and life's triumph over death are represented in the symbols of eggs and the notoriously fertile rabbit.

Whether one is a believer, or an unbeliever like myself, there is something to be celebrated at Easter time.

Some of my atheist friends act a little embarrassed by religious holidays and try to distance themselves, for instance renaming Christmas as Newtonmas (since December 25th was Isaac Newton's birthday.) To me this has always seemed kind of silly. Christmas and Easter, while specifically Christian holidays, are also about the celebration of things which are not limited to one form of belief, but are, in fact, universal. Christmas is a celebration of love, community and generosity. And Easter is a celebration of life's persistence and of fertility.

In recent times we've seen some terrible natural disasters as well as man-made conflicts troubling various parts of the world. The wonderful thing about life in general and humans in particular is that such things do not defeat us. In the wake of each disaster, the survivors reestablish their communities, homes are rebuilt, babies are born and life goes on. For me, this is what Easter celebrates. Death doesn't win.

But also it celebrates fertility. This is not just biological fertility. If I wished fertility on you, many of you would probably scream, "No, that's the last thing I need!" But fertility is not just about producing babies. It is about the fecundity of the soil in which we plant a seed, be that seed an idea, a monetary investment or a literal seed that we plant in our garden. To toast fertility is to wish that those seeds bear fruit. Unless they are vegetable seeds, in which case it would just be weird for them to bear fruit.

One need not believe in Heaven or Hell to believe that life is not limited to our physical bodies, finite as they are in time and space. Our deeds and our ideas sow seeds which can have a life of their own, bearing fruit in places we will never visit and also long after we cease to exist as individuals.


The internet is the perfect example of this. The inventors of Facebook, Twitter or Google could die tomorrow, but that which they created would continue to have a life of its own, providing a conduit for social interactions the outcome of which noone can possibly predict.

Recently I've been taking part in the Twitterotica challenges created by Ruby Kiddell and Aisling Weaver. Here is another example of seeds which bare fruit. A seed word is sown over Twitter and lands in the fertile minds of sundry degenerates who set to work to create some prime filth. Nobody could predict the fruity tales of debauchery they produce. These in turn are disseminated over the net where they themselves perhaps inspire much stiffness and wetness of generative organs. And what happens after that is anybody's guess. But the point is that a simple idea in one person's mind ended up effecting the lives of many in ways that they will never fully know.

So what can make us more fertile in this broader sense? Well, just as the fertility of a woman is unlikely to bear fruit if she doesn't open her legs, so an open mind is most conducive to the success of productive endeavours of all kinds. And nothing stands in the way of such success like a closed mind. The most wonderful of creations are those which could never have been predicted. And the belief that we can predict the future closes us off to the seeds of such creations. Few of us would claim to be psychic, but we think we can predict the future when we say such things as : "I'll never get that job promotion!" ; "No member of the opposite sex could find me attractive!" ; or "All my problems will be solved when I win the lottery!" It is welcoming the unknowability of the future with open arms and following ideas to see what they lead to, rather than presupposing that they are worthless, which allows us to make the most of life's creative principle.

But let us also not forget that Easter is a time for perving at scantily clad girls in bunny ears and eating lots of chocolate!

Also not a bad time for catching up with a movie or two or some reading. Here are some suggestions :


MOVIES


The Religious Aspects of the Holiday


Jesus Christ Superstar (1973)


Ted Neeley makes for a whiny, annoying Christ, but it is all about Carl Anderson's dynamic Judas, Yvonne Elliman singing "I Don't Know How to Love Him", and Josh Mostel in his bathing trunks asking Jesus to walk across his swimming pool. Andrew Lloyd Webber's finest moment if you ask me.


The Gospel According to St. Matthew (1964)


Who would have guessed that a movie by an atheistic communist homosexual would come in at number two on Pope John Paul II's recommended movies list. A starkly beautiful film in the Italian neo-realist style. A counterpoint to Pasolini's last film Salo, the watching of which is a bit like being crucified.


Ben-Hur (1959)


One of my all-time favourites, this has it all. A crucifixion scene which can even ring tears from a devoted heathen such as myself, the splendiferous spectacle of the naval battle and chariot scenes, and lashings of homo-erotic chest-baring and muscle flexing.

Life of Brian (1979)


Look on the bright side of life with a comic masterpiece which, contrary to the views of some of its critics, is not disrespectful to Jesus or his believers, poking fun, instead, at those who are less discriminate in their faith-placing as well as at bureaucracies and misguided forms of rebellion.


Chocolate

Chocolat (2000)


Chocolate as a source of romance and eroticism. A charming film from the director of Abba : The Movie.


Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (1971)


Tim Burton is a genius, but Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was not his finest moment. Go back to the original film starring Gene Wilder. And it has a classic song in "The Candy Man".

Rabbits

Harvey (1950)


Films don't come any funnier or more charming than this tale in which Jimmy Stewart's relationship with an imaginary giant rabbit causes consternation to all around him.


The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie (1979)


Everybody's favourite rabbit - trickster, anarchist and inveterate cross-dresser. There's no-one like Bugs and this movie was a showcase for some of his funniest cartoons.

Night of the Lepus (1972)


If you are truly perverse (and if you're not, what are you doing on my blog?), you'll want to check out this mind-numbing horror misfire, supposedly based on a novel called The Year of the Angry Rabbit by distinguished Aussie author Russell Braddon. It's all about giant mutant bunny rabbits that eat people! The original title of the movie was going to be Rabbits, but they were afraid people wouldn't take a horror movie with that name seriously. Needless to say, they still didn't take it seriously.

EROTICA


Chocolate

Heidi Klum...yum!

Lavender and Chocolate by Dalide (Lady Laid Bare)


Read this mouthwatering story and then break out the chocolate bodypaint with your partner!


Hot Cross Buns

Emily Winters and Tender-Bottomed Girl always have buns which are hot and cross from having received the spankings that naughty girls such as themselves so richly deserve. So why not go sample the sweetness of their just desserts?


My Favourite Easter Bunny

Rosie, model and photographer for Girls Out West.

Tilt : A Weird Science Tale for Wank Wednesday

It's Wank Wednesday again as hosted by Ruby Kiddell at The Erotic Notebook. Here is how she explains it :

Welcome to week eight of Wank Wednesday, your weekly festival of smut. 

With so many great writers of smut and erotica on Twitter and the web I thought it would be a nice idea to get a smutty blog carnival going. For writers or would be writers a weekly prompt will get you writing and as a reader well you’ll be able to get your fix of sexy stories all in one go.

To join in all you need to do is write a story with the weekly prompt as a title. This week’s prompt is #Bolt. Then:

• Blog it – post it on your blog then come back here and add it to the link list.

• Tweet it – write it on twitter using the prompt hashtag and the #wankwednesday hashtag

• Add it – if you don’t want to blog or tweet it then please do add it as comment to my post

• WE it – if you are a member at Word Ejaculation you can submit with them too, just remember to link back to me here and to add your entry to the link list.

Please link back to this page in your post and please also do take the time to read and comment on the other contributors, we’ll all keep on writing but it is so much nicer to do so with feedback.

Thank you for writing and reading.

Tilt : A Weird Science Tale for Wank Wednesday

"If this ain't Nowheresville you can sure see it from here," growled Billy "The Kid" Kincaid as he pulled up to the only truckstop in Monkey Spank, New Mexico, his fire-engine red hotrod spewing steam from its radiator.

"Well, I need to powder my nose, Billy," whined Enola Gay Makepiece as she cleaned under her fingernails with her switchblade. "You wouldn't want me to powder my nose all over your fancy leather upholstery now would you?"

The time was 3.55 P.M. The date - Wednesday the 10th of June 1959. Unbeknownst to Billy and Enola, all hell was about to break lose.

Three years, six months and five days earlier, on the cave-riddled desert landscape three miles to the north a medium-sized nuclear device had been detonated for research purposes. Today Professor Roentgen had begun his research project to investigate the impact of radiation on the local animal and plant life. He was being assisted by two of his best pupils, Tommy Trumpet and his girlfriend Cherry Wilde.

"Just listen to that!" exclaimed Tommy as he ran the geiger counter over the surface of a boulder. It ticked like crazy. "We must be right at the epicentre of the explosion."

"I'm scared, Tommy," replied Cherry. "It might not be healthy to be this close to radiation."

"Don't be silly," Tommy chided her. "The government did this. They wouldn't do anything that might harm us."

"If you say so," she responded. "But I think we should go and see how the Professor is getting on in the cave."

Just at that moment, Tommy looked over her shoulder towards the cave entrance.

"Jumpin' Jimminy!" he cried.

Cherry knew it was serious as she had never heard Tommy use such strong language before. When she turned towards the cave entrance what she saw there made her eyes pop and almost caused her to soil her baby pink Cottontails. It was a prairie dog. But it was no ordinary prairie dog. It differed from ordinary prairie dogs in two key ways. 1. It was the size of a bus. 2. It had the mangled corpse of Dr. Roentgen dangling from between its teeth.

"Prairie dogs are usually not carnivorous," panted Tommy as they ran for their lives across the desert. "Oh, sure they sometimes eat insects."

"But not biology teachers?" asked Cherry.

"Never biology teachers," replied Tommy. "Until now."

"Why is it so big?" Cherry wanted to know.

"The radiation," Tommy responded. "Clearly Dr. Roentgen was right. It has effected the local wildlife."

"I thought you said it wouldn't be harmful," complained Cherry.

"Well, growing big isn't necessarily a bad thing," Tommy pointed out. "The only problem would be finding enough food."

"Which would explain why it is following us," deducted Cherry.

"Precisely," agreed Tommy. "Thank goodness its muscle development has not yet caught up with the demands of gravity on an animal of its size. It can only waddle, so we have a chance of outrunning it, as long as we can find somewhere to take shelter."

Just at that point they crested a hill and caught site of the Monkey Spank Truck Stop and Burger Bar.

When they burst breathlessly through the door, Billy was hunched over the pinball machine, his fingers a blur over the buttons as he kept the siver ball bouncing around the table. Enola was leaning up against the wall watching him and sucking on a Coke.

"You look like the devil's after you," said old Frank Gaines, the proprietor as he flipped a burger.

"Not the devil," panted Tommy. "A prairie dog!"

"I've heard of guy's bein' yella," Enola sneered, "but you take the cake. A prairie dog!"

Tommy looked over at Enola, taking in her short black hair, her red leather jacket and her skin-tight black jeans.

"This isn't a normal prairie dog," Tommy pointed out. "It's the size of a bus and it ate the professor."

"I think this boy's been hitting the peyote," suggested Billy, leaving the pinball table and striding over to examine the two new comers. The bright desert sun shining through the truckstop window lit up his shocking white duck tail. He unzipped his black leather jacket and stuck his thumbs into the waistband of his blue Levis. "What's your name, honey?" he asked Cherry. He was standing a little too close.

"Ch-ch-ch-cherry," she responded.

"And very sweet you are too," Billy told her.

Just at that moment, there was a massive crash which caused the whole building to shake. They looked around and there was a giant eye staring in the window.

"See, I told you," pointed out Billy. "Big as a bus."

"The End of Days!" cried Frank forlornly, half an hour later. "That's what it is. All predicted in the Bible it was!"

"I remember locusts... I remember frogs..." huffed Enola. "I don't remember anything about a plague of giant prairie dogs."

"Nevertheless," wailed Frank, pointing a prophetic finger. "We have brought it upon ourselves by our sinful ways. We have interfered with the natural order of things..."

"I'll interfere with the natural order of your innards, if you don't leave off," warned Enola, pulling out her switchblade.

It was just at this moment that a loud "Zap!" sounded outside, coinciding with a flash like green lightning. The prairie dog was gone, in its place a smouldering skeleton.

Then the door opened and in walked two brains. They weren't just brains. They did have small skinny bodies propelling them around the place. But they were mostly brains. Big, throbbing, green and yellow brains with a pair of bloodshot eyeballs staring out from underneath them.

"Your race is nearly run, earthlings!" one of them cried in a voice like an electric pencil sharpener.

"The end! The end!" cried Frank, banging his head against the lunch counter, perhaps feeling that mortification of the flesh was called for.

"Your technology has advanced more quickly than your capacity for making wise choices in how you use it," explained the alien being. "So, for the greater good of the galaxy, we have come here to eliminate your species."

"Can't you give us another chance?" pleaded Tommy. "It is true that some of the older generation try to settle their differences with nuclear weapons. But there is no need to eliminate all of us. Some of us are able to find peaceful ways of settling our disputes."

"Yes, that's right!" agreed Enola, quickly hiding her switchblade.

"And we can work together for the common good, too," added Cherry, playing nervously with her blonde ponytail.

"Get rid of the old fogies," suggested Billy looking pointedly at Frank. "But let the rest of us have a chance to prove ourselves."

"We have noticed that you are skilled at that game in the corner there," replied Brain No. 1.

"Enola and I are great at pinball," agreed Billy. "What about you two?"

"Cherry is better than I am," Tommy admitted. "But we can both play."

"The test must be to reach a common goal," the brain explained. "Let us say that you must score, between you, 200,000 points within two hours."

"That's a lot!" replied Billy. "But we'll give it a go."

"But you must also demonstrate your willingness for self sacrifice," the brain added. "It has come to our notice in studying your species that it causes you much distress when your modesty insurance devices are publicly removed."

"Our what?" asked Enola.

"Your clothes," replied the brain. "And we have found that it causes even more distress when the modesty... the clothes of your prospective reproductive vehicle are removed in front of others who might find the prospect of reproducing with them not undesirable."

"Am I your 'prospective reproductive vehicle'?" asked Cherry of Tommy, looking confused.

"I would hope so," he replied.

"Strip pinball?" enquired Enola. "I'm up for it."

"I don't know," admitted Tommy nervously. "Cherry you don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"The fate of the human race is at stake," Cherry replied bravely. "This is no time to be worried about our own personal modesty."

"I have a feeling you have nothing to be modest about," leered Billy, before Enola elbowed him hard in the belly.

"The rules," the brain explained, "are that anyone who fails to reach 2,000 points on their turn must remove an article of clothing of their choice."

The four took a moment to exchange names and shake hands.

"Are you sure you have the balls for this?" asked Billy of Tommy.

"Are the balls not in the machine?" the brain queried, looking confused.

"I'll do what's necessary to save the world," Tommy replied with a square jaw.

Enola was the first to play, striding confidently up to the machine, pulling out the plunger and letting to go. The ball shot into action and Enola began flipping. But her confidence was greater than her playing ability. She scored 1,800 and removed one of her boots.

Cherry was up next. Tommy was confident. He knew she was good. And, sure enough, she made 4,750. She span around in celebration, her dress rising so that her knees were revealed. "Go me!" she cried.

Now it was Tommy's turn. It was a while since he'd played and he was a bit rusty. He only made 950. It was with a profound sense of shame that he removed one of his shoes.

Billy scored 3,960. "Not bad," he said, "but I've got more than that in me. This is just the beginning."

Billy and Cherry were the champions. Half an hour later, Billy had only lost his shoes and socks. Cherry had lost both shoes and one sock.

Tommy on the other hand, was not doing well. He was down to his boxer shorts.

Enola was down to her shirt, bra and panties and was enjoying the opportunity to show off her long luscious legs. Tommy was trying not to look.

"No need to be modest, Tommy Boy," she teased. "I know you want to peek at a bad girl's panties. You can bet that, when your next turn leaves you a nudist, I'm not going to be averting my eyes."

"Don't tease the poor guy," laughed Billy. "We can all see that you've given little Tommy Trumpet the horn."

"Don't let them get to you," Cherry said, putting her arm around his shoulders.

But, predictably, on his next turn Billy lost his shorts. Enola grinned, Billy laughed, and Cherry blushed as he slowly slid them down and stood naked before the others. The combination of Enola's teasing and the fact that Cherry was seeing him naked for the first time made it an erotic as well as humiliating experience, and so his cock was semi-erect.

"You've got nothing to be ashamed of there, Tommy Boy," Enola reassured him, squatting down to get a close look.

"Don't you go blowing that Trumpet!" Billy warned. "Your lips are mine."

"My lips are free agents, Billy," she teased. "Now you get back to the table. We've only got another hour and fifteen minutes to get 150,000 points."

But Billy's concentration was off now. He only made 1,750. He unzipped his jeans and dropped them to the floor.

Then Cherry failed to reach the target and removed her other sock.

When Enola also fell short, Billy sighed and said, "Oh, well, there goes your shirt."

"Not necessarily," replied Enola. "'An article of clothing of their choice.' Remember? I think I'll express my solidarity with Tommy No Trousers and take off my panties."

"You don't have to do that!" cried Billy.

"No. I don't. But I want to," she replied. "Maybe the sight of my bare bum and pretty pussy will inspired Tommy to pull really hard on his plunger."

Her eyes smouldered as she met Tommy's glance. Then she slowly slid her thumbs into the sides of her panties and pulled them down revealing a tangle of thick black pubic hair.

Tommy's cock swelled and stiffened until it was curving up at an angle. Enola moved across the floor with cat-like grace and hung her panties over his erection. They were damp.

"I thought I was the one you want to have babies with," whimpered Cherry, a tear rolling down from her eye.

"I do," replied Tommy. "I love you. This is just a matter of biology. The male animal responds to all mating opportunities on a purely physical level. It means nothing about who we love."

"He is right on this point," agreed the brain. "We have observed these things."

"I've observed rather too many of those things," grumbled his companion, who up until this point had been silent.

Cherry tried to be reassured. But worry put her off on her next turn.

"I'll follow Enola's example and take off my panties," she decided. My dress is a reasonable length, so I won't be baring any more skin that way." She did, however, have to expose a good deal of leg actually getting her panties down. Something that inspired a wolf whistle from Billy. Tommy noticed, as she lay her panties down on a chair, that they had a large damp patch on the gusset.

Tommy had nothing more to lose. That cleared his head. What gave him a problem is that he kept hitting the machine painfully with the head of his stiff cock. So he only made 800 points.

"We can't afford any more poor performances like that," Enola told Tommy while Billy was playing. "Much as I love looking at this thing," she added, grabbing hold of Tommy's cock. "You're going to have to get off so we can get on with the game. There's no need to be shy now. Just beat off. Or I'll suck you off if you want. Billy will be livid, but saving the world is what counts."

"He's my boyfriend," replied Cherry, pushing her away. "If anyone is going to put his penis in their mouth it's going to be me!"

"But, Cherry," responded Tommy, "you're a virgin."

"Only because of the old fogies," she said.

"What?" asked Tommy.

"It's like Billy said," she explained. "We know how things should be, but the old fogies make the rules. Whether it is nuclear war or sex, it's all the same. It's their rules. Well, not anymore. You know what I do every night while I'm thinking about you Tommy? I do this." She lifted up her dress, parted her legs and began fingering her wet, pink, golden-haired pussy.

"You do?" asked the astounded Tommy.

"Of course she does," replied Enola. "And, right now, I think I'll join her. We all need to get off if we are going to clear our heads and give this game our all." With that she too spread her legs, stuck her fingers into her pussy to gather up some juices and then began moving them around wetly over her erect clit.

"I'll lick your penis for you  until it goes down," Cherry suggested matter-of-factly. With that she sank to her knees and slid her soft wet lips and tongue down over his length.

"It's your turn, Enola," announced Billy, pulling his t-shirt over his head as he turned to take in the astounding activities that were going on behind him. "Oh, what the hell!" he cried and pulled down his boxers, too, freeing his own erection.

"Damn," muttered Enola, "just when I was about to cum."

"You play the machine," ordered Billy. "And I'll make sure you cum."

Enola shook her bare ass at him as she walked up to the machine. As she pulled the plunger, Billy moved up behind her. She bent forward to begin play and he slid his stiff cock deep into her juicy cunt and began pounding her from behind while she played. She played like she'd never played before. Sexual energy flowing through her and sharpening her every reflex. She'd scored 6,570 by the time Billy arched his back and filled her with his hot seed.

"Damn, look at the time!" cried Billy. "Only ten more minutes to go and another 10,350 points to win."

Cherry let Tommy's cock plop out of her mouth. She stood up and ripped her dress from her body, followed by her bra. She was now stark naked.

"I can't do this alone," she cried, grabbing Tommy by the cock and pulling him towards the pinball machine.

Somehow, in this one remote truck stop in New Mexico, all of the sexual repression characteristic of the 1950s had ended for these four characters in an erotic explosion of thermonuclear dimensions. And they were determined to use this force that they had unwittingly unleashed for good and not for evil. To save the world from extermination by the aliens.

Cherry had a deliciously pale and juicy ass which jiggled in the cutest possible way as she moved into place in front of the pinball machine.

"Spank me while I play," she breathed. "Spank me and then fuck me."

"O.K.," replied Tommy. "Whatever will help you."

As she pulled out the plunger, Tommy brought his palm down hard on her right butt cheek with a loud crack. Simultaneously she loosed the plunger and the ball shot into play. Again and again Tommy slapped her bum, turning it a bright pink. And as he did she kept the ball in play, lights flashing, spinners spinning, bells going off... The score piled up - 2 thousand, 3 thousand, 4 thousand. On and on she went, her fingers moving with almost supernatural accuracy, as her bum grew warmer and a creamy juice began to dribble down the inside of her leg.

"Fuck me!" she cried. "Fuck me now!"

"The End Days! The End Days!" cried Frank, his hand moving up and down suspiciously inside his pants.

"Most remarkable!" declared Brain No. 1.

"Most repulsive!" remarked Brain No. 2.

Enola and Billy didn't say anything. They were too busy wanking each other off as they watched.

Tommy spread his girlfriend's legs, pressed his belly up against her sore bum and slid his cock, slippery with her saliva as well as his pre-cum, deep into her twitching pussy.

The score continued to rise as the ball shot around the table. And all the while Tommy continued to slap his belly against Cherry's ass and piston his cock back and forth within her embracing wetness.

It was going to be close. They had another 2,000 points to get and there was only 30 seconds left. As the countdown continued Tommy began thrusting harder and harder, slamming Cherry's belly up against the cold hard machine. Thrust! Thrust! Thump! Thump! They were almost there... and then...

"TILT!" screamed the light on the top of the machine. And it was all over. They had failed.

"Let's go out and set the Obliterator Device," said Brain 1.

"Not before time," replied Brain 2.

They opened the door and walked out of the truck stop straight into the mouth of a giant prairie dog that had come to find out what happened to his mate.

"Well, it looks like the human race has a reprieve," said Enola, giving Billy a cuddle.

"Yes," replied Cherry. "But for how long?"

THE END (....OR IS IT?)