Woody Allen once said that sex was the most fun he'd ever had without laughing. But laughing and sex are not mutually exclusive. Horniness brings on undignified behaviour, and it is all the more fun if we are in on the joke. This blog is a celebration of the funny side of sex and the sexy side of humour. As an author of erotic stories I like to show that sex is more fun when it is playful and silly.

You can find my humorous erotic ebooks on I-Tunes, Kobo, Barnes & Noble and Smashwords. They are always free!!!

Monday, May 16, 2011


What is Pornetry? It is poetry which makes a pulse pound in your pussy or penis. And it is the subject of today's post.

Book Review

Living Libido Loco by Annie Player is a collection of 19 outrageously erotic poems. Often I'm impressed by a poet's creation of images and clever use of language, but it is only occasionally that I read a poem which makes me pop a boner. But Annie's poems slide so easily from the softly sensual and teasingly playful to the deliriously dirty that reading them is like being made love to, especially as she has a habit of addressing the reader directly. Now when she says something like "My lips sweep past your belly And curl over your dick," I'm not sure if it will have as much of an effect on a woman reader as a male reader, but, even when she writes about girl on girl action, I find the uninhibited sense of joy with which she celebrates the pleasures of the flesh intensely erotic. In fact, perhaps my favourite of all of the poems of hers which I've read is her Wank Wednesday contribution Default which is all girl on girl. In fact it is Annie on a hundred girls!

The book is divided into three sections : Sweetness, Choked and Food Play. Sweetness contains seductive descriptions of more conventional sexual encounters. Choked is a collection of very dark poems full of anger and blood. I wasn't as keen on these, but they are still a very exciting read because of the powerful imagery and emotional rawness. And the book is closed out with some of Annie's most deliciously playful poems all about smearing food all over one's lover and licking it off in Food Play.

Here is a sample from the Food Play section of the book :

The Circle of Love

The mess,
The stench
Wrenched deep up inside,
Suggests it's dinner time;
You savagely
Chomp at my bit,
I love it,
You rub it
In disgust round my clit
And you lick
And you lap,
Your lips noisily smack
You sever
The base and you hack
Through toppings
And pop in
Your tongue to lick out
The sauce
And enforce
My pussy to pout.

Annie also has a book out devoted to her darker poems called Gash. I'm looking forward to reading that, but I thought that Living Libido Loco being the more playful book would be the most appropriate to review here.

Whatever you do make sure to follow Annie on her blog where you will be able to read her latest ribald rhymes and keep up to all the other exciting things she is involved with.

A Poem

I should include something by myself here. While most of my erotic stories are very silly, for some reason, on the couple of occasions when I've tried writing a poem, I've been in serious mode. But, this is my blog, so I suppose I can post something which isn't funny if I want to.

Maxine writes erotic poetry and also posed for Girls Out West in 2006
Your Invisible Lover

I am with you when you masturbate
When your fingers tease your stiff nipples
They become my fingers
When your slick fingers slide over your stiff clit
That is the pre-cum-slippery head of my cock
The soft sheets of your bed that caress your back as you writhe
They are my arms and my hands sliding down your sweaty back to caress your bottom
I am your invisible lover

I am with you when you are naked
You are my stripper, my centrefold, my wank-fantasy
I love your body as it is
Your nude body is your gift of yourself to me
I will teach you to love every curve and crease
We will explore it together and learn the marvels of its ways
Feel my eyes caress your nudity, drinking in the pleasure of the real you
I am your invisible lover

I am with you in the bath
The warm embrace of the water against your skin
That is me holding you close
When you spread yourself wide with your soapy fingers
I am the warmth that flows into the depths of your sex
To ease away the pressures of a hard day, you tenderly caress yourself
But really it is me massaging the shampoo through your hair, stroking your slippery skin
I am your invisible lover

I am with you when you dress yourself
The softness of your panties as you draw them up your legs
Is the touch of my hands on your skin
As they encase the softness of your bottom and the warmth of your pussy
I feel the delights of your most intimate regions
All day long, it is not your bra but my hands that cup your breasts
The feel of your clothes against your skin as you go about your daily life is my caress
I am your invisible lover

I am closer to you than you are to yourself
There is nothing about you that I do not know
You can have no secrets from me
And yet you need none, for there is nothing about you that I do not love
I know the things you don't want anyone to know
But I also know many things about you that you do not know yourself
Beneath the humdrum struggle of your life, I see the fire that burns like the brightest star
I am your invisible lover

Blog Based Bards

Maxine likes to keep abreast of the erotic poetry scene
Here are some more purveyor's of poetic pleasure. I'm limiting myself to those whose blogs are mainly devoted to poetry. There are many others I know who write the occasional poem. I hope I haven't forgotten anyone. But, please, if you have any poetry on your blog or website, or you know someone else who does, please feel free to post a link in the comments.

Madame Sweetcheeks is a prolific creator of sweet, sassy, flirty poems. She knows how to put her readers in a naughty mood with saucy suggestions rather than all-out raunch.

Fridayam has two blogs. This is his poetry blog. Only a few of the poems are erotic ones, but in his other poems he expresses an original vision which is often very beautiful. For his exclusively erotic work, much of it prose, go to Fridayam's Erotica.

Pornetry creates poems entirely assembled from the subject lines of spam emails. William Burroughs would have been proud.

Getting more exposure for poets is what it is all about

I love a funny dirty limerick. Often the ones that make me laugh the most involving guys doing rude things with animals, but I'll show unaccustomed good taste and post here some I've found on the net which are not quite that perverse :

There was an old man of Dundee
Who came home as drunk as could be.
He wound up the clock
With the end of his cock,
And buggered his wife with the key

There was a young girl named McCall
Whose cunt was exceedingly small,
But the size of her anus
Was something quite heinous -
It could hold seven pricks and one ball.

There once was a man from Australia
Who painted his ass like a dahlia
The color was fine
And the likeness, sublime
But the aroma, now that was a failure.

A much nicer ass than that of the man from Australia
There once was a hooker named Sue,
Who filled her vagina with glue
When they paid to get in,
She said with a grin,
You must pay to get out of it too!

It's goodnight from me and it's goodnight from Maxine


  1. Ah Your Invisible Lover is beautiful!
    The imagery is so soft and sincere...
    "I am the warmth that flows into the depths of your sex"...
    This other side to the naughty Aussiescribbler has put a smile on my lips (both sets) and has left me with a feeling of calm contentment inside -x-

  2. I'm glad you liked it, Annie. I'll make sure to post some more some time. :o)