Time to Fold : Wank Wednesday

Today's Wank Wednesday prompt word is #paper. To find out more about this writing challenge and to find the links to the other stories check out Ruby Kiddell's Erotic Notebook.

Time to Fold

Journal of Eccentric Sporting Tournaments (JEST), October 2011

An Interview with Sam Kensington, World Champion in the Art of Freestyle Erotogami (The Ancient Japanese Art of Sexually Explicit Paper Folding), 1970-75.

JEST : Paper folding isn't a physically demanding sport, so why retire in your mid-sixties?

Sam Kensington : That's where you'd be wrong. Sure it doesn't take strength, but it takes precision. And the truth is that I haven't folded paper publicly since I lost the championship to my future wife in Tokyo in 1975.

JEST : But you have continued to be active in the sport as tactical support for your wife.

Sam Kensington : Exactly. So my decision to bow out is really her decision to bow out. She's retiring to concentrate on composing boogie concertos for the theremin. And I have no interest in working with any other folders.

JEST : Tell us how you did end up losing your title.

Sam Kensington : It was by default actually. An injury took me out of the competition.

JEST : An injury?

Sam Kensington : Yes, a rather nasty paper cut. Mildred beat out the rest of the competition. But let it be known that I have no doubt she would have beaten me. It was her first year of competition and she was, and has always been, a genius when it comes to making paper penises. My specialty, of course, was vaginas. And it was a conflict on this very issue which constituted our first intercourse. Verbal intercourse, of course.

JEST : She was not keen on your vaginas?

Sam Kensington : Well she thought they were too easy. 'Sam,' she said to me, 'it just won't do. That's just a salt cellar with one of the corner's bent over.' 'That's the clitoris,' I explained, 'and the two sides are the labia.' 'But the clitoris is in the wrong place and the whole thing is split two ways,' she insisted. 'Vagina's aren't.' 'Well,' I replied. 'It looks more like a vagina than it looks like a salt cellar.' 'Well, they never really did look like salt cellars, did they?' she agreed. 'I'm not sure where that came from.'

JEST : She specialised in penises?

Sam Kensington : That's right. All kinds of penises - flaccid, erect, circumcised - she could make them out of a single piece of paper. 'Sam,' she insisted, 'my penises don't come easy. Sometimes I have to work on them all day long.' I had to admit that they did make my vaginas look kind of wet by comparison.

JEST : And out of this argument over the relative artistic value of masculine vs. feminine paper genitalia sprang true love?

Sam Kensington : If our story had been a Hollywood movie, they would have described it as a "meet cute" beginning.

JEST : But you had a secret up your sleeve, even if you were out of the competition.

Sam Kensington : That's right. Of course the sensible thing would have been to keep it to myself and use it to win the next year. My secret was that I was not planning on making a vagina in the competition. The year before I'd made a secret trip to Hokkaido to meet with a Zen monk who knew the secret of single sheet copulation. It seems impossible, but it isn't. If you know the secret you can create a couple fucking doggy-style from a single uncut sheet of paper. Not only that but, when you pull on the sides of the figure, the man's penis goes in and out of her vagina and her eyes open wide each time this happens.

JEST : We wouldn't believe it if we hadn't seen it ourselves. But what convinced you to team up with Mildred Hatrack and let her take the honour of presenting single sheet copulation at the 1976 competition in New York?

Sam Kensington : Well, I had to admire her folding ability. But it was my admiration for something else which really brought us together. Mildred was one hot potato back then. Hell, she still is. Dress is kind of conservative in the world of paper folding, but it was pretty obvious there were some serious curves hidden beneath all those clothes. I didn't think I'd get a chance to find out though as the organisers of these contests are very conservative and discourage any fraternisation in the hotel rooms. We were staying an a very old-fashioned hotel in the middle of Tokyo. It was so old-fashioned in fact that it had traditional paper walls between the guest's rooms. When I noticed Mildred going into the room next to mine, I decided to do something very reckless, something of which I would be very ashamed if it hadn't been for the fact that it was a part of the process which led to my marriage.

JEST : What was it that you did?

Sam Kensington : I cut a small hole in the paper wall so that I could watch Mildred getting undressed. What I didn't realise was that a bright blue staring eye is pretty obvious when it is all that is breaking up an expanse of white paper and some brown wooden slats. She was onto me from the very start. But she'd taken a shine to me and she was also a bit of an exhibitionist on the quiet. So she pretended not to notice me watching her as she slowly undressed. I myself was already naked. And as she shed her clothes, I had to push my penis back firmly between my legs so that I could continue to stand close to the wall as it stiffened. It wasn't comfortable, but drinking in every detail of Mildred's gorgeous pale and curvy body was my main concern. Soon she was completely starkers, her big round boobs swinging loosely, her pink nipples erect and the gentle curve of her belly and thighs perfectly framing her hairy snatch. But she was determined to put on a show I could never forget, so no sooner was she naked than she lay back on her futon and began vigorously masturbating. That was my undoing.

JEST : That's when you fell in love with her?

Sam Kensington : No, that's when my stiff prick shot from between my thighs and ripped a huge hole through the paper wall.

JEST : How did she react to that?

Sam Kensington : She leapt to her feet, ran across the room and grabbed hold of my dick with both hands. 'Now I've got you, you little pervert!' she cried, but she couldn't stop herself from giggling. At first I wasn't sure what to do. She wasn't going to let go of my dick. I pulled back, but she held on for dear life. Then it occurred to me that I might as well take advantage of the situation.

JEST : How did you do that?

Sam Kensington : After I'd pulled my dick back as far as I could, I pushed it forward again. The loose skin was held tightly in her warm soft hands, but I could push it in and out, and derive quite some pleasure from doing so. 'Are you trying to get me to wank you off?' she asked. 'As long as you keep hanging on to me like that,' I replied, 'I don't see that you have a choice.' The next thing I knew I felt something stiff and wet rubbing around the head of my dick while she tugged on it. 'What's that?' I asked. 'It's the folded over bit on my salt cellar,' she chuckled. Well, it wasn't long before my cum was hanging off her pubes like tinsel on a Christmas tree. I know because she showed me through the big cum soaked hole that now acted as a window between our rooms. So that is how our relationship began. After that we decided to team up. She would do the folding and I would travel the globe looking for the most arcane and remarkable of folding techniques.

The End

Bare-Assed Baywatch : Wank Wednesday

It's storytime once again. Today's Wank Wednesday prompt word is #buoy. For more information on this writing challenge, and to find the other stories, check out Ruby Kiddell's Erotic Notebook.

Bare-Assed Baywatch

"She can give me mouth-to-pussy resuscitation any time she wants," purred Sandy as she looked up at the tanned and busty lifeguard who was sitting at the top of a watch tower a few metres behind us wearing nothing but a bright red bathing cap and scanning the sea with a large pair of binoculars.

"Damn, did you have to say that," I complained.

We were at the nude beach, sunning ourselves beneath the lazily circling gulls, the sea gently caressing the sand in front of us and the wind softly teasing our pubes.

I'd had to learn a special kind of mental discipline for occasions like this. I'd had to learn to block all thoughts of sex from my mind, lest the sight of swinging boobs and wiggling bums and cute little pussies, some bare as a bald man's head and others as hairy as hamsters, cause my wee willie winky to transform into Bonerman. Sharks aren't the only kind of white pointers that strike panic into the hearts of nude beach patrons.

Looking over at Sandy, pushing back her long blonde hair, and grinning a grin that was the universal sign language for "Please fuck me" as she pointed down at the yellow cornsilk that surrounded her pink Percy-gobbler, there was no way the levee was not going to break, flooding my mind with images of fucking and sucking, bum-spanking and boob-squeezing, and causing my cock to swell and stiffen like an inflating balloon animal.

"Meat missile in the launching position," giggled Sandy when she had finished ogling the lifeguard and turned back to me. She gently placed her finger on the head of my cock and pushed it down. When she let go it sprang back to attention and quivered like a tuning fork.

"I'll be in trouble if anyone sees it," I told her. "I better get into the water and cool off."

"I'll join you," she replied.

As I ran down toward the water, with my cock swinging back and forth stiffly like a conductor's baton, a slim young redhead with firm breasts was rising from the water and coming in to the shore. Droplets of water ran down over her pink nipples, stiff from the cool water, over her firm belly with its cute little button, and ran in a river from the fiery forest of pubes that sprang from between her lithe and lean thighs. One look at me advancing upon her with my generative organ rampant and she screamed and ran off down the beach. I tried to tell her I was sorry as I watched her soft pink bottom jiggle away from me, but the sight was just not helping and what came out of my mouth was not intelligible.

"Scaring young women," Sandy scolded as she ran up beside me. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself."

"Me!?!" I cried. "You started it. It was your dirty fantasies about the lifesaver chick which turned Mr. Floppy into Mr. Stiffy."

By now the water was about our waists and the offending appendage was no longer on public display. It wasn't getting any softer though. The invigorating coldness of the water against its heat just made it all the more achingly rigid. Sandy pushed her soft body up against me and began stroking my cock with her right hand.

"It's not safe to bring you to the nude beach," she giggled. "You're too much of a perve."

"It's just not fair," I pointed out. "I'm sure you popped a little girl boner over that lust-inspiring lifesaver lass, but you can get away with it, because it isn't obvious." I reached down below the water and, sure enough, discovered that Sandy's clit was stiff too. It was no surprise that her pussy was wet, but it was slippery with more than water.

"Sounds like you're suffering from pussy-envy," she laughed.

"Very funny, Miss Freud," I replied, "but what are we going to do. I suppose we could have a wank here in the water before going back to the beach."

"No," she decided, looking out to sea. "Let's swim out to that buoy and fuck. With that to hang onto, I'm sure we can manage it."

I'm not all that fit, and it was a long swim, but the prospect of sliding my cock into Sandy's sweet juicy little pussy in such a public place was enough to drive me on as I dog-paddled for all I was worth.

Eventually we arrived at the buoy, a little yellow metal tower with some kind of warning sign on it that was floating on a round raft-like base and bobbing in the tide. From the beach we would have been almost invisible. I was sure we would be able to copulate without drawing attention to ourselves.

"We'll have to do it doggy-style," Sandy explained, throwing her arms around the buoy and pulling herself up higher in the water. "Or should we call it 'porpoise style'?"

"Sure beats patting the porpoise," I laughed as I pulled myself up behind her, feeling my sensitive stiff prick slide over the wet skin of her bottom.

"Don't put it in the wrong hole," she warned.

"I thought you loved it that way," I replied.

"I do," she explained. "But my bottom-hole is very tight, and if you get your willy stuck up there we won't be able to swim back to shore and we'll drown."

"Good point," I agreed, grabbing hold of the legs of the tower and lifting myself so that my cock slid smoothly into Sandy's slippery pussy.

"Nothing like feeling the Good Ship Lollycock sailing into Pussy Harbour," she sighed.

I pulled myself up and down and she pushed her arse back against me. It wasn't the most comfortable way to fuck, but it did the job.

"I just hope some shark doesn't come along," I panted as my hot stiffness slid in and out of Sandy's twitching cunt and the cool water swirled around us.

"At least he won't be able to bite off your dick," giggled Sandy.

Lifting myself up out of the water over and over again with Sandy's delectable bottom slapping wetly against my belly was giving me quite a workout. I was puffing and panting before too long. But I was as horny as a brass band and our unusual location brought on a tremendous adrenaline rush. The water was churning up around us like a scene from Piranha.

It came as quite a shock when we suddenly found we were not alone.

"You really shouldn't come out this far," yelled the lady lifesaver who had been the unknowing catalyst for the whole adventure. "But don't worry, I can save you. Just don't panic."

The next thing I knew her nude body was pressed up against my back. She had lovely big soft boobs with stiff little nipples like pencil erasers.

"I'll have to take you one at a time," she explained, pulling me back off of Sandy.

"Anything you say, Miss," I responded, deciding that it was best to cooperate lest she discover what we were really doing.

She had one arm under my right arm and across my chest. Her other hand came around the other side and collided with my rampant cock.

"Oh, I see," she said sternly. "You were too far out and not waving or drowning, but fucking."

"We were just looking for a bit of privacy," explained Sandy.

"Well, it's not allowed," pointed out our would-be rescuer. "My name is Hester. I'm the only lifeguard on  duty at the moment, so you'd better hope nobody drowns in the next twenty minutes or it will be all your fault."

"We could swim back by ourselves," I suggested.

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that," she insisted. "You might escape."

"Escape?" queried Sandy.

"That's right," Hester told her. "You are both under citizen's arrest for lewd and lascivious behaviour in a public place."

"It's not all that public," Sandy pleaded. "The only reason you could see us was because you had binoculars."

"I'm not the only one with binoculars," Hester responded. "There is a whole bunch of guys who hide up on the cliffs. They have binoculars too."

"Sounds like maybe you should be arresting them," I said.

"Outside my jurisdiction," she explained. "I deal only with what happens in the water."

"Well, I suppose we have no option but to surrender," I sighed.

"I won't be able to lead you up the beach in this state, though," she mused, stroking my submarine stiffy.

"Maybe we could finish what we were doing and then you could arrest us," suggested Sandy, hopefully.

"I can't let you do anything illegal," Hester declared.

"I could have a wank," I told her.

"Still illegal," she pointed out. "There is only one course of action open to me. Much as it disgusts me, I'm going to have to masturbate you myself."

"I beg your pardon!?!" I exclaimed.

"Then neither of you will be engaging in sexual activity," she explained. "Your role will be passive not active. And it won't be sexual activity for me, as I will take no pleasure in it. I hope that you will try not to also. Remember this is nothing personal."

"I'm sorry," I replied. "I'm only human. Having a sexy girl like yourself wank me off is something I'm incapable of not enjoying."

"Flattery will get you nowhere," she warned me. "I'm going to get you off, but I'm not going to let you off."

By now she had a firm grip on my cock and was sliding the loose skin up and down. I could still feel her  stiff-nippled boobs pressed into my back and every so often her wiry pubes brushed against my bum.

Sandy let go of the buoy and swam up behind Hester.

"Stop stroking my bottom!" Hester ordered. Sandy just giggled.

"I bet you didn't know you started all of this," Sandy informed her.

"What do you mean?" asked Hester as she continued to stroke my stiffness.

"Patrick only popped a boner because I told him I was fantasising about you giving the kiss of life to my cunt," she explained.

"I may have my hands full," Hester threatened. "But if you don't take your finger out of my bum, I'll fart on it."

"Please, Sandy," I pleaded. "Don't make things worse for us by sexually molesting an emergency worker."

"O.K. I'll stop playing with Hester's bottom," huffed Sandy. "But it's O.K. for you. At least your getting wanked off. I'm still horny."

"Ahhhhhhhhh!" I cried out as the jism spurted out of the end of my cock and floated to the surface like a Man-o-War jellyfish.

"You wait here," Hester told Sandy. "I'll be back shortly."

Then she got me to put my arms around her neck and we swam to shore with her bare bottom pressed tenderly against my belly.

My body felt heavy as we rose from the shallow water and trudged up the beach. Everyone was staring.

"I'm going to lock you in here," Hester told me, and she pushed me into a storage room in the lifesaving club. I sat down at the table in the middle of the room and waited.

About twenty minutes later the door opened and Hester came in leading Sandy.

"My replacement is here now," Hester explained. "So I'll be able to wait with you until the police arrive."

"Are you really going to hand us over to the police?" asked Sandy nervously.

"I might," Hester threatened. "If you aren't good to me."

"Good to you?" I wanted to know.

"Well, I have to do the right thing in public, and when I'm on duty," she explained. "Apart from wanking you off, Patrick. That was very naughty of me. And I did enjoy it. My cunt got all gooey feeling your stiff cock in my hand. And knowing that it was thinking about me that made it that way in the first place. That's true isn't it? You weren't just trying to get off lightly?... er... so to speak."

"No, that was true," smiled Sandy. "I saw you sitting up on your lifeguard tower all nude but for your cute little cap and I started fantasising that you would pull me out of the water and revive me by parting my thighs and applying your lips and tongue to my cream-dripping cunt." As she said this she reached down and began masturbating leisurely.

"Well," chuckled Hester, walking over to her. "CPR is the more conventional method for reviving people. I won a prize for my CPR."

"For your Cock Provoking Rear?" I suggested, coming up behind her and fondling the soft cheeks of her bottom.

"No, silly!" she smiled. "Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation. For getting people's hearts started."

"Your rear could get my heart started again," I told her. "I'm sure of it." And then I spanked that part of her anatomy with my newly stiffening cock.

"Well, I'm almost as good at pussy-sucking as I am at CPR," Hester bragged. "So I think I can make your dream come true. My only condition is that I get fucked while I do it."

"You drive a hard bargain," I said sternly as I pushed her head down between Sandy's spread legs and slid my cock deep into her cunt.

"She's not kidding," swooned Sandy. "I think my pussy's died and gone to heaven."

"I'm not there yet," I replied, as I watched Hester's soft brown butt-cheeks jiggle in time to my pussy-pounding, "but I can see it from here."

Some time later, Sandy started quivering and quaking and curling her toes. I slammed my cock one more time into Hester's pussy and coated it liberally with spunk as she squirted all over my cock and balls like she was pissing herself. Sandy cried out in ecstasy and fell off of her chair.

"You know it is a real hassle when people misbehave at the nude beach," Hester told us after we had regained our composure and were sitting at the table having a casual chat. "If you want to sunbathe nude, and you don't think you can trust yourselves, come over to my place and lay out in the backyard. If it's my day off that is."

"That's very kind of you," Sandy smiled.

"But I have to warn you," she explained seriously. "They don't call me Hester the Molester for nothing. Working here at the nude beach, seeing spunky guys with their cocks out and hot gals in the all-together makes me very frustrated. When I'm on my own I spend most of my time molesting myself. But if I have company, I don't take "no" for an answer. Cocks get sucked, pussies get licked, and faces get ridden by my salty wet cunt until they get bathed in a tsunami of twat-juice. But don't worry, I'm a lifesaver, I won't let you drown."

The End

The Girl Who Played With Herself : Fuck Me Friday

The Aussiescribbler is back from an unwanted absence during which the word "fuck" has mainly been aimed at his broken down computer. Now it is time for another Fuck Me Friday tale of filthy fun. The prompt word is #peek. You can find out more and read the other entries at Aisling Weaver's site. And if you like what they've given you a peek at, make sure to let them know.

The Girl Who Played With Herself

Lisbeth Salamander never paid porn site subscriptions. That was one of the fringe benefits of being a professional computer hacker. She hacked into the billing company's computers and signed herself up using the names and identities of government ministers or members of the clergy.

Lisbeth had a boyfriend, a young investigative journalist named Michael Plumfist, but she was one horny goth. Being fucked twice a night just whetted her appetite, and if she couldn't sleep she would log onto the net and look for something to wank to.

She loved wanking, and she loved porn. She also liked to be comfortable. Sweden can be pretty cold, but Lisbeth had central heating so she was able to sit cross-legged on her computer chair wearing nothing but her spiky dog collar as she played with herself while gazing at sexy women and men doing all the naughtiest things. She had all sorts of toys, but she liked to use her fingers best. She knew just how to give herself pleasure - gently pulling on her nipple piercings, rubbing around and around on her clit and sometimes sticking a lubed finger up her butthole. She always laughed at Michael insisting on using his own keyboard when accessing information stored on her computer. He was such a tease. Hadn't he stuck his tongue up her butthole plenty of times?

Michael had been working hard on a big case involving government corruption and was sound asleep in their bed, which was up against the far wall. He might be asleep, but Lisbeth suspected he was dreaming of her. How else could she explain the fact that his cock had turned the bed sheet into a tent worthy of Barnum and Bailey? She was tempted to go have a peek, but she knew that, if she did, she wouldn't be able to resist the temptation to touch it, maybe kiss or lick it, perhaps wank it up and down with her fist, or even bounce her cunt on it. If she did that he would surely wake up, and she knew he couldn't get by without his rest. Much better to content herself with a bit of visually assisted wanking.

"Watch real people doing rude things while they look at porn! They don't know anyone is peeking!" screamed an ad for a website.

Lisbeth chuckled to herself. People were so gullible. They wanted to think they were seeing something illicit and the web masters would always promise it, but, of course, it was all fake. They would have a bunch of models sitting in front of webcams masturbating, but not acknowledging the screen, so that it looked like they were being spied on without their knowledge. The oldest trick in the book. But, what the hell, some of them might be cute, and she wasn't going to pay for it anyway.

Getting herself a membership was the work of but two minutes, her fingers dancing across the keyboard with lightning speed. One strange coincidence did impress itself upon the lust-filled landscape of her mind. The real name of the company behind the site was Phoenix, the same name as the manufacturer of her computer. Still, it was a common enough name in the world of business.

The blurb on the opening page claimed that the individuals depicted inside did not even know that their web cams were on. They were truly being filmed without their knowledge. "Ever wondered what girls really do when looking at porn or reading emails from their boyfriends?" it asked. Apparently there were guys on the site, too, but Lisbeth realised that no-one wondered what they did when looking at porn. Everyone knew.

There was a ranking for most popular cams. So Lisbeth went straight to the top of the list, already starting to rub pussy juice around her stiff clit as she double clicked on the link, anticipating some hot action.

What she saw was her own face leering back at her.

*          *          *

Barton Banger was the head of Phoenix Global, the world's fourth largest computer manufacturer. He prided himself that, while his company was only the fourth largest, it was the most unscrupulous. His latest dastardly scheme had been to install web cams in his computers which, when the user was connected to the internet, could be controlled from his central offices in Zurich. Most of the time, nothing of interest was revealed, but sometimes he was able to obtain pictures with which he could blackmail the computer users, and at other times he lucked onto hot individuals of either sex who spent a lot of time wanking to internet porn. These connections provided the basis for his Peek at the Peekers porn site.

The most popular girl on the whole site for the last month had been some super hot Goth chick named Salamander. Hell, Barton and rubbed a few out to her himself. She had enthusiasm. She wanked like a wild thing. And memberships were going up and up through word-of-mouth (or rather word-of-email) because of her.

"She's putting in quite a performance today," he commented to Miss Bergman, his officious secretary.

"Yes she is," she replied matter-of-factly, watching Lisbeth finger herself.

"Do you ever do that?" he asked her, trying to peek down the minimal cleavage revealed by her sensible business shirt.

"When you first asked me that question, Mr. Banger, my answer was that it was not an appropriate question for the head of a major computing firm to ask his secretary," she explained patiently. "The fact that you have persisted in asking me the same question another sixty seven times in no way alters my initial judgement."

"Prude..." he muttered under his breath.

*          *          *

Never had Lisbeth been so glad that she was an expert at one-handed typing. She wanted to find out how this scam operated, but she didn't want to attract attention, so she kept on wanking as she hacked. She didn't have to pretend. She'd never been so turned on in her life. The thought that thousands of guys and probably women too, all over the world were watching her finger herself was driving her crazy with lust. She was the most popular! Perhaps she had been stiffening cocks and clits for months without realising it. She wondered how many litres of hot cum had spurted out of guy's cocks while they watched her writhing around with her finger up her arse. But she mustn't let her excitement interfere with her hacking. She had to find out who was behind this.

"Hmmm... Barton Banger, hey?" she said to herself as she licked the juice of another cum off of her finger tips.

*          *          *

"Is she still masturbating?" asked Barton when he returned from his extended lunch.

Miss Bergman looked up at the screen.

"No, not at the moment," she replied. "She seems to be talking."

"Talking?" queried Banger. "What about?"

Miss Bergman turned up the sound.

"About you, sir," she answered.

"Me?!?!" he cried. "She shouldn't be talking about me! Why would she be talking about me? What is she saying?"

"She appears to be reading out your credit card details," Miss Bergman informed him, coolly.

"My what!!!???" he screamed, red in the face.

"Oh, and your home phone number..." she added.

*          *          *

Once Lisbeth had finished righting wrongs she began to consider the upside of this situation. It would take a while for Banger to close down the network. In the mean time Lisbeth wanted to keep together her fan base. Not everyone would be as happy about having been an unknowing porn star as she was, but she also hoped she could help anyone who did like the idea to keep in touch with their fans too.

It didn't take her long to collect an email list of all the customers and all the "performers". She wrote an email explaining what had happened and explaining that she would use one of the many under-utilized hard drives on a government computer network to keep the webcam switchboard going for any who still wanted to take part. She especially emphasised to her fans that she wanted them to keep watching her. She told them that, now she knew they were watching, she was determined to stick lots of things up her bottom. And she also said that she would love for it to be two-way. She couldn't watch all of her thousand or more fans jack off to her, but she intended to watch as many as she could.

She ended up staying up all night, and when Michael woke up the next day he found that his goth girlfriend was now the mistress of ceremonies of a world-wide web of wanking.

"Don't look! Don't look!" she insisted, as he came over to see what she was up to. "It's a surprise!"

He covered his eyes, but poked her impatiently in the shoulder with his erection. He was, however, careful to keep it away from her spiky dog collar.

"O.K. You can look now!" she said. "Meet my girlfriends!"

Michael opened his eyes to find the whole of Lisbeth's computer screen covered with small windows in which women of all shapes, ages and colours were shamelessly wanking, sucking on their nipples and sticking things up their bottoms.

"Well, say hi!" she insisted.

"They can see me?" he asked.

"Of course," she huffed impatiently, "now wave your lovely cock at them. They deserve encouragement."

A bunch of comments started appearing in a chat window down the bottom of the screen. "Nice cock!" "Don't I make you want to stroke it?" and "Wank that willy!"

Michael laughed and began stroking his hard cock as he looked at all those horny women.

"Why don't you show your girlfriends that you're a sucker for cock," he suggested, gently turning Lisbeth's head and pressing his hard-on against her lips, while taking care to rest, rather than skewer, his balls on the spikes of her dog collar.

She dropped down, opened her mouth and began licking his balls as a river of pre-cum ran down the side of his cock. Then she licked all the way up to the head, making sure to gather up all the glistening liquid as she went. Finally she planted a warm kiss on his sensitive head. But she didn't go on to give him what he really wanted.

"I'll show you how much of a sucker I am for cock!" she cried. "Look at my other friends!"

She hit a button and all of a sudden the screen was covered with images of guys jacking off.

"Billy's my favourite!" she exclaimed, clicking on one frame so that it expanded to fill the screen. On it a fit young man who looked like a surfer was gyrating around while stroking the biggest cock Michael had ever seen. After a minute he cried out, "Oh, Lisbeth!" and spurt after spurt of creamy cum shot out of the end and splattered all over his nut-brown muscular chest.

"I didn't really need to see that!" insisted Michael.

"Oh, but I did!" she teased, slapping him on the arse.

She brought back the bank of women.

"So who's your favourite wanker woman?" she asked.

"You," he insisted, kissing her on the head and inserting a finger up her dripping wet pussy.

"I know that, stupid!" she replied. "I mean from my fan club."

Michael thought a moment and then pointed at a redhead in her mid-forties who had really lovely big soft pale boobs and a cheeky smile on her face as she sat with one leg pulled up so that the foot was on her office chair and the other stretched out along the ground. "She looks like an older version of my gym teacher from when I was in college," he explained. "And I always did want to see Mrs. Stokes masturbate."

Lisbeth made the web cam image go full screen.

"Michael thinks you look like his old gym teacher," she informed the woman.

"I don't believe it!" cried the woman. "I thought it looked like you, Michael. I always wondered what the schlong that flopped around in your gym shorts would look like angry!"

"It's a class reunion!" laughed Lisbeth.

"Now you be good to that boy!" insisted Mrs. Stokes. "He deserves to have his cock sucked. I just wish I could do it! Yum!"

And so that is how Michael Plumfist ended up filling his girlfriend's mouth with cum while his sexy ex-gym mistress looked on and wanked off.

"This could be a great tool for networking in other ways," he told Lisbeth later as they chatted with their fans. "I have to fly to Helsinki the day after tomorrow to research my new story. Maybe we have a fan who lives there who would be willing to put me up."

"There's a girl named Katti who lives in Helsinki. She's only eighteen, but she has her own flat. Here she is," she added, calling up the image of a blonde girl with her hand down her pink panties. "I'll see what she thinks of the idea."

"Very nice," declared Michael looking her over.

"She seems to like the idea," Lisbeth told him. "I'll just turn up the sound again."

"I put him up," said the smiling girl in broken English. "I put him up my bum!"

"There won't be much time for extra-curricular activities," Michael declared. "If I'm going to break the story of price fixing in the pharmaceutical industry of Finland I'm going to need to do some deep probing."

"And if you want free accommodation while you're there I think you are definitely going to have to do some deep probing," Lisbeth pointed out. Then she laughed so hard she fell off her chair.

The End

TwitUnErotica

Inspired by a book I once read called A Dark and Stormy Night : A Collection of the Worst Fiction Ever Written compiled by Scott Rice, for which authors competed to write the worst opening line for a novel, I thought I would do something similar using recent Wank Wednesday and Fuck Me Friday prompt words. The initiators of these writing challenges post these prompts on Twitter and various erotica authors write stories inspired by them, post them on their blogs and then link back to the host page and Twitter. The contributions have all been of a very high quality. So I thought it was time to lower the tone.

Tide

The angry red vaginal rash told Laura the laundrette attendant that it had been a mistake to use Tide washing liquid as an impromptu lubricant.

Tide Laundry Liquid

Rush


"Just relax. There's no rush," said the sex therapist. But, once again, Nigel came before he'd even got his pants down.


Bolt

"This will teach you to get fresh," said Dorothy, as she unscrewed the bolt that held on the Tin Man's penis.

The Tin Man

Wind

Mad Mick laughed hysterically as a gob of his spunk flew out of Filthy Philomena's cunt and hit the bedpost with a splat, blown there by the wild wind of one of her famous fanny farts.

Tilt

Niagaras of nauseating puke ran down over Pervy Pete's hair and face. He loved to stand underneath the Tilt-o-Whirl to look up girl's skirts, but his current predicament was one he had failed to foresee.

A Tilt-o-Whirl

Seat

Gladys wished that her husband would put down the toilet seat after he'd been in there having a wank.

Shield

Old Mrs. Grindle tried to shield the eyes of her niece from the sight of the flasher's tiny wizened penis and massive pendulous balls.

A Flasher

Dusk

"If Hollywood can do reboots then why shouldn't I?" asked Stephenie Meyer as she sat at her computer dressed only in a skimpy negligee and typed out the title of her new novel - D...U...S...K.

Skate

Noreen had hygiene problems. Nobody would go down on her because her pussy smelled like a three week old skate.

A Skate

Peeping Movie 1 : Just Looking (1995)

The other night I sat down to watch a movie. It wasn't this movie. It was another peeping related movie. But about 15 minutes into the movie it stopped. (Don't worry, I now have a copy that works, so I'll get to writing about that one soon. On the other hand, given that it was directed by Doris Wishman, the woman responsible for such notorious cinematic atrocities as Deadly Weapons and Nude on the Moon, maybe you should worry.)

So I started watching this movie instead. The only problem was that it was not the movie I thought it was. In 1999 Jason Alexander (George from Seinfeld) directed a movie called Just Looking which was about a fourteen year old boy who vows that, before the end of the summer, he will witness a man and a woman in the "act of love". The trailer looks great, it's set in the fifties, Gretchen Moll is in it and it has been praised for its nostalgic charm.

That's the movie I thought I was watching. So I was a bit taken aback when the first fifteen minutes were all about this nerdy guy in his thirties living in what, in the 1990s, passed for the present day. He was obsessed with watching the lady next door get undressed, but otherwise I couldn't see how this was going to turn into a story about a boy coming of age in the 50s. Surely, I thought, this is just a prelude and at some stage he will start reminiscing about when he was a boy back in the fifties. The fact that a 33 year old in the 90s would not have even been born yet in 1955 never occurred to me. I'm just not that good at maths.

It was about the 25 minute mark that I realised that this just couldn't be the Jason Alexander movie. So I looked on IMDB and discovered that the 90s produced two movies called Just Looking. The one I was watching was the earlier of the two. A chick flick of no particular reputation.

Ah, well. It was about peeping. It had some boobies. All was not lost.

This Just Looking is the work of one Tyler Bensinger. He wrote and directed it. He never directed anything else. But he did write (and sometimes co-produce) episodes of television series like Beverley Hill 90210, Cold Case and Parenthood. Which probably explains why this movie comes across like a tele-movie. Maybe it was a tele-movie, but IMBD doesn't list it that way.

Jim (James LeGros) is an architect married to Mary (Michelle Forbes). They have a young daughter. Everything is fine, except that Mary seems more interested in her work for a travel agency than in making love with Jim. When she praises the youthful looks of her best friend and coworker Sherrie (Ally Walker), Jim says the Mary herself has a great figure. She laughingly calls him a liar, and politely rebuffs his offer to take her mind off her study with a little hanky panky.

"If only it was taboo for a man to have sex with his wife I think we'd all do it more often out of the sheer perversion of it," he tells himself as he pours a glass of milk in the kitchen. He can't stop thinking about the girl who lives across the way. Earlier that day, while playing on the balcony with his daughter and his neighbour's kids, he'd seen her undressing through her bedroom window.

The next day Mary and Sherrie are studying in a cafe. Sherrie is reading Mary's notes because she spent the class reading a dirty book.

She tells Mary that she spent the previous night making love on her boyfriend Craig's boat.

"It's amazing," she gushes. "I mean you don't even have to move, you know what I mean. The waves just kind of rock you back and forth. I had one of those exploding orgasms. You know the kind that just rocks you down to your toes."

Mary tells her she might want to speak up as the people at the next table might not have heard her.

"I don't care who hears me," she says. "I'm in lust."

When Mary gets home in the evening Jim suggests they rent a movie. She says she wants a scary one, but Jim admits he was thinking of something more "exotic". "Don't you think of anything else?" she chides him.

Later that evening he sees the couple across the way making mad passionate love.

He is holding his daughter's rag doll Tiffany in his hands, and his excitement is such that, without realising it, he tears it apart.

Aroused by what he has just watched, Jim crawls into bed with his wife. He tries to wake her, but she just rolls over and goes back to sleep.

In his imagination the woman he has been watching through the window turns over, looks him in the eye and calls his name.

When a colleague leaves, Jim has a chance at promotion. He tells Mary, but they are interrupted by their daughter complaining that her doll Tiffany is missing. Jim insists that he will buy her a new one. Mary thinks it is time she learned to look after her toys, but Jim says it might not have been her fault. Perhaps a squirrel stole it. 

Jim has brought home a spicy movie to watch with Mary, but she finds it laughable.

He then hands her a present.

It's sexy lingerie.

"Oh, the things I do for you," she says. Clearly she feels it is more of a present for himself than for her.

When he tries to bite through her suspender, he gets his teeth stuck.

Much to her amusement.

Jim goes back to peeking at the girl across the way through toy binoculars.

One evening he is caught by his neighbour Chuck (Kurt Fuller), who thinks he is playing at soldiers. "We're all fuckin' crazy as hell, you know that," he says, and tells the story of his brother who used to blow up cats by sticking explosives up their bums.

Jim's boss Darlene Carpenter (Marg Helgenberger) interviews him for the new job. But he can't put out of his mind his work colleague's advice to not look at her tits.

He looks.

And Darlene says she doesn't think he is ruthless enough for the position.

Meanwhile Sherrie persuades Mary to consider a new look.

When Jim gets home Mary tries to console him about not getting the job. But he is trying hard to pretend he likes her new short haircut.

Sherrie tells Mary she doesn't want to live without passion in her life. Mary says that just because she doesn't break out into a sweat when she sees Jim it doesn't mean their marriage has no passion.

Mary finally meets Sherrie's hot boyfriend Craig (Steve Weber).

When Mary gets home she decides to put some passion into her marriage. But unfortunately Jim has just been having a wank.

So even though she uses the ice cube trick from Sherrie's dirty book, Jim experiences "technical difficulties."

Jim has more bad luck when his wife's friend Alicia (Mary Mara) walks into the video store just as he is about to rent a porno video. He hides it behind his back, but...

...the manager loudly praises his choice of film. "Good choice," he says. "Very popular. Some Like it Hot and Juicy!" Alicia smiles as she goes out the door.

This leads to a heated argument between Jim and Mary.

Jim says that the only reason he rented a porn film was because he was feeling horny and didn't want to be rejected by Mary. She accuses him of acting like a child.

"Well, I guess I'm just not ready for middle age yet," he replies.

"Did you just call me middle aged?" she asks. "Because, if recall correctly I'm not the one who experienced technical difficulties last night."

That night Jim walks in on Mary watching the porno. She asks him if he wants her to be like the porn stars. He tells her he doesn't.

"If that's what you want I'd do it," she says bitterly. "I'd probably have to get a boob job though, and some lyposuction. Definitely a brain reduction."

"If you want one of those girls so badly, why don't you go out and find yourself one?" she asks.

"Maybe I will," he says sadly.

"Well, maybe I will too," she replies.

Mary goes to Craig's place with Sherrie.

Craig nudes up and goes in for a swim. Sherrie points out the tattoo over his butt to an embarrassed Mary.

Mary is even more shocked when Sherrie tells her than she told Craig that she and Mary had "fooled around" with each other.

She says it turned him on so much it was "almost scary." She also decides to go skinny-dipping.

Meanwhile, Jim is back watching the couple across the way make love.

Mary strips to her underwear and goes in for a swim with Sherrie and Craig. But she gets uncomfortable when Craig puts his arm around her.

Things are getting hot and heavy in the apartment Jim's spying on. He decides to use his daughter's monitor toy to listen in on what the couple are saying.

It works for a while, though he discovers the pair are foreigners who don't speak English. But when a squirrel knocks it off the ledge into the couple's apartment, he has to try to retrieve it.

Mary returns unexpectedly with Craig, who starts trying to kiss her. Jim runs over from his position at the window and yells, "Stop kissing my wife." He asks Mary why she was kissing another man.

She explains that she wasn't kissing him. He was kissing her. Then she asks him why he was hanging around that window.

And then she sees why.

And Jim sees what she sees.

And the sexy neighbour sees that she's been seen.

Sherrie is kind of pissed off, because Craig told her that Mary came on to him. She doesn't believe it though. She knows he is no good.

But for Mary and Jim things work out.

"I think sex is terribly overrated," says Mary. "It just kind of gets in the way."

"I personally can take it or leave it," admits Jim.

"I mean who could expect to have good sex after ten years anyway," she adds.

Then she give him that look.

And drags him into the bath with her.

The film is nothing terribly special, but it did make me laugh a few times and the women were sexy. And James LeGros is a talented comic actor. He reminded me of a young Robert Morse.

It's ultimately a very conservative film. Marriage is held up as the ideal. Poor Sherrie is looking for ground-shaking orgasms rather than wedlock, and so she is bound for heartbreak. Our married couple may be tempted to stray, but they never really do. But this is pretty much the standard formula for marital melodramas, which, in spite of all the comedy, is what this is.

If I were going to write a story along these lines I'd have Mary catch Jim perving at the neighbours, grab the binoculars away from him to have a look herself and find herself mesmerised by the guy's naked bod. And so Jim and Mary would be reunited by a shared love of voyeurism, fucking and wanking each other happily while perpetually peeping. But that sort of thing doesn't happen in Hollywood.

Another Great Voyeurism Story

Surf on the Beach by Cherry Sweets

Since I did my main posting on peepers I discovered this wonderful story about a bird watcher who gets more than he bargained for when he spys a woman sunbathing topless.