Woody Allen once said that sex was the most fun he'd ever had without laughing. But laughing and sex are not mutually exclusive. Horniness brings on undignified behaviour, and it is all the more fun if we are in on the joke. This blog is a celebration of the funny side of sex and the sexy side of humour. As an author of erotic stories I like to show that sex is more fun when it is playful and silly.

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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Henrietta Gets Hen-Pecked : Wank Wednesday


Today's Wank Wednesday prompt word is #magician. For more info on the writing challenge and for links to the other contributions check out the Word Ejaculation page.

Henrietta Gets Hen-Pecked


"I don't think you realise how degrading these gigs are for a serious magician," Henrietta complained. "I could pull a rabbit out of my cunt and those chicks wouldn't be impressed. All they want is your cock."

"It pays the bills though, doesn't it?" I pointed out. "Everyone has to have a gimmick."

"But the magician's assistant is supposed to be the window dressing," she explained. "When the magician is the window-dressing to her hot assistant something is wrong."

"So you admit I'm hot?" I teased her.

"I admit nothing of the kind," she griped. "I'm speaking from the point of view of the audience."

Henrietta is a lesbian. I'm a male stripper. We do the hen party circuit as a novelty act. She comes out as the archetypal magician in top hat and tails. I come out in tight white flares and a bright purple jacket open to reveal my hairy chest and my six pack. I'm the magician's assistant, helping her to do the usual kind of tricks involving flowers and doves, then, gradually, in a series of puffs of smoke, she makes my clothes disappear until I'm down to a skin-tight pair of gold lame hot pants. Then she makes them disappear too and I spend the rest of the evening wandering amongst the horny guests, getting my cock wanked and sucked, and usually ending up fucking at least two of the bride-to-be's friends, or even the lady herself, while all the others watch and cheer.

"At least tonight there's a chance you might pick up," I pointed out. "The party consists of the staff from Rug-Munchers Are Us porn site."


"Don't be naive," she sneered. "They're not real lesbians. It's just a job."

"Some of the photographers might be," I suggested.

"Well, they didn't hire a female stripper, now did they?" she asked, perspicaciously.

"This is true," I admitted.

"Anyway," she bemoaned, "it's hard for a dom like myself to find a girl who knows how to take orders."

"There are those who want a woman who takes the upper-hand in the bedroom," I smiled. "There are rather less who are looking for fucking Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS."

"Just 'cause you're such a wimp," she grumbled. "Letting women push you around."

"It's kind of part of the job," I replied.

We were going to start the show in about ten minutes. While Henrietta unpacked her gear in the dressing room I went to speak to the woman who had hired us. Sharon Sappho (clearly not the name she was born with) was a gorgeous, full-figured black woman in a leopard skin mini-dress with a low-cut top which showed off a huge expanse of breast.

"I run the site and I'm the principle photographer," she explained. "Don't be fooled by my last name. I'm no lesbian, but I have an image to support. I like photographing women. I have an eye for a sexy shot of two girls enjoying each other, but when I'm at home I like a nice hairy man between my legs." She brushed her hand across my deliberately cultivated five o'clock shadow.


"So, who's the lucky lady?" I asked, looking around at the room full of gorgeous young women.

"Lucky?" she asked. "Oh, you mean the one who's getting hitched. That's Maureen. She's the skinny blonde in the pink dress."

"So is anyone here a lesbian?" I asked.

"Gertrude and Keiko are," she explained. "So don't expect them to go drooling on your cock. The rest of them are pretty much into anything. I'm the only one who doesn't eat out at the Y."

When I got back to the dressing room and began getting into my costume - I already had my gold shorts on under my jeans - Henrietta was still in a bad mood.

"For ten years I've been studying Houdini's escape routines," she told me, for the umpteenth time. "I know how to re-enact every one of them. But does anyone want me to do that? No. They just want me to make your clothes disappear."

"I'm sure we can find some way for you to do that kind of act," I tried to reassure her. "But not in front of a bunch of horny women."

She just grunted as she put on her hat.

"Wow! You really keep everything in here!" I exclaimed, looking through her massive bag of tricks, once I had my coat on. There was a big fake saw, a giant sized pack of cards, a straight-jacket...

"That's one of my Houdini props," she explained, her mood lifting with the opportunity to talk about her main obsession. "See. If you tie the knots this way, someone from the audience can pull on them and they seem tight, but they can easily be undone by rubbing against the back of the chair."


"Ingenious," I declared.

Soon we were on stage and going through the boring magic part of the show. For me the fun began as my clothes came off. Unfortunately I can't tell you how we do that part of the act. It's a trade secret.

Once I was down to my shorts, the audience were going wild. Sharon in particular was whooping and hollering.

"Let's see your dick, you dirty boy!" she shouted, pulling down the front of her little dress on one side and shaking one of her massive mammaries at me. Even at that distance I could see that the nipple was stiff.

Finally, my shorts were gone in a puff of smoke. I grabbed the base of my ten-inches and swung it around like a plane propellor as I strode out into the audience. I knew that Sharon was going to get the bulk of my attention, but I had to make sure all the girls, except Gertrude and Keiko, got their share, especially the blushing bride-to-be.

I walked up to Maureen, who was indeed blushing, and pushed my swollen but still floppy cock down the cleavage of her dress. She giggled, pushed her small boobs together and licked my belly-button.

Feeling the skin of my cock brush slowly between the softness of her breasts caused it to stiffen somewhat. She grabbed it in her sweaty hand and planted a chaste kiss on its head.


When I turned around and saw that two of the girls, a short redhead and a brunette with lots of tattoos were staring at my cock and had their hands down each others panties, I became rampantly erect. Seeing girls get really turned on, thats what does it for me. I walked up to them and let them suck long and hard on my dick. Once their lips were finished with me they couldn't wait to lick the taste of my cock off of each other's tongues.

And so I worked my way around the room, enjoying the feel of hands and tongues on my rampant member. I deliberately left Sharon until last as I was determined to fuck her in front of all of her staff. And I really hoped I'd be able to get her as naked as myself. She might not be as used to showing off her gorgeous body as the models were, but I could tell she wanted to.

"It took you long enough," complained Sharon, as I sidled up to her.

"Just saving the best until last," I smiled.

"You ain't kidding," she chuckled, and then stuck out her long pink tongue and ran it up the length of my prick. She fondled my balls and sucked on my shaft like she was Lawrence of Arabia sucking on an ice-cold popsicle. She also fondled my arse cheeks. I don't know if she did that like Lawrence of Arabia or not.


"Have your employees ever seen you naked?" I asked, pulling her to her feet.

"No," she replied.

"Well, they are just about to," I grinned, as I slid the straps of her dress over her shoulders and set her lovely big boobs free.

"I don't mind being nude," she laughed. "Just as long as you take full advantage of me."

"Oh, I intend to," I reassured her. "Don't you worry about that."

Off came her dress and down came her panties. They were soaking wet. Without them, her shaven pussy was dribbling its excitement down the inside of her spread thighs. I walked around behind her and spanked her big brown ass cheeks, first with my right hand and then with my stiff prick.

"Fuck her like she fucked us on the last employee contract negotiations," yelled out Gertrude.

"Hey," cried Sharon, as I bent her down and slid my cock deep into her dripping wet pussy, "there's plenty more cunt-licking sluts where you came from."

"Just kidding, boss," chuckled Gertrude. "I'm jealous. I dream of doing you with a strap-on."

I don't think she was the only one who fancied the boss. Several more girls had pulled off their panties and were wanking as they watched me pound her pussy.


I looked briefly over at the stage were Henrietta was looking at her watch.

Sharon cried out and started quivering all over in a body-shaking orgasm. One of the rules of these kinds of shows is that everyone has to get to see the cum shot, so I pulled out, lay her down across a table and began jacking off. She grinned and licked her lips as she saw me sliding my hand up and down my cock.

"Oh, yeah, baby!" I screamed as I shot spurt after spurt of creamy cum all over Sharon's belly and boobs. Some of it even reached her lips, which she licked clean hungrily. She looked so beautifully wanton laying back with her legs spread, her wet pussy on display and her brown-skinned body splashed with puddles of white cum.

I was determined that the party wasn't going to end there though.

"Guess what?" I addressed the crowd, standing there with a string of jism dangling from the tip of my now wilting cock. "Henrietta fancies herself as a female Houdini. Who wants to see her escape act?"

Everyone seemed a little bewildered, especially Henrietta, but I had them in the palm of my hand.

Soon Henrietta as tied up in her straight jacket, sitting on a chair in the middle of the stage. I was still naked, as was Sharon, who was licking my cum off of her boobs.

"Henrietta will escape from her bondage within five minutes," I announced. "If she fails to do this in the required time she will be eaten by sharks... Hmmmm. Damn. No sharks.... Well, she has to escape or else. We'll leave it at that."

She writhed around in the chair for a moment and then looked at me with some annoyance.

"You've tied the knots the wrong way," she complained.

"Uh, uh," I shook my head with an evil grin. "I've tied the knots the right way, instead of the wrong way you wanted me to."

"I can't get out of this," she told me.

"I know you can't," I informed her. Then I bent down and unzipped her pants and pulled them off.

"What are you doing?" she cried.

"Getting my revenge for all the whining I've had to put up with from you this evening," I replied, grabbing the sides of her white Cottontail panties and pulling them off to reveal her pert pink cunt and landing strip of dark pubes.

"Well, ladies," I addressed the room. "It looks like the lovely Henrietta, who is a very lascivious lesbian, is completely at your mercy. She has a truly lovely cunt, and she tells me there's a rabbit up there somewhere. Does anyone feel like helping to find it?"


Keiko was the first up on stage. She got down on her hands and knees and shoved her face between Henrietta's legs and lapped away at her pussy.

"I'll get you for this, you prick!" Henrietta spat at me.

I knew that she liked to see hot naked women, so I made my way around the room, teasing all the rest of the girls out of their clothes. Most were happy to part with their attire in return for the opportunity to lick their boss's cunt-juice off of my cock. Soon all that sucking and the opportunity to fondle all those nude girls meant that my cock was once more rock hard.

Ten girls took turns to lick Henrietta's clit and finger her horny hole. She was deeply humiliated by her predicament. All the more so because she'd already had five orgasms and made a big puddle on the floor.

Then someone came up with the bright idea of laying her out so that one girl could lick her out and finger her while another could ride her face. Gertrude, who, along with Keiko, had stripped naked without any help or encouragement from myself, sat her lovely pink bottom on Henrietta's face and rubbed her cunt all over the poor woman's prominent nose. The molested magician licked out the juicy box which was drenching her pretty face in hopes that such a strategy would more quickly relieve her of its presence. But her strategy proved a poor one as, no soon did Gertrude squeal and squirt, than her place was taken by Maureen.

By the end of the evening, every girl except for Sharon had ravished Henrietta with her horny cunt. She was laying back exhausted and drenched in girl cum.


I walked over to Sharon and asked her if she thought she'd got her money's worth.

"You can say that again!" she exclaimed. "This show made my porn site seem positively tame."

I fondled her nude bum and she stroked my stiff cock while we made plans to meet up back at her place after the girl's had had their night on the town. She wanted me in her bed that night, and I couldn't think of anywhere else I wanted to be.

"I suppose I better set Henrietta free now," I smiled and walked back up onto the stage.

Henrietta is a gorgeous woman. I'd always fancied her. But, given her aversion to the masculine member, I had never thought I'd get to see her pussy.

"You can't honestly tell me you didn't enjoy that," I grinned cheekily. "Watching it certainly turned me on."

"You're a fucking arsehole," she grumbled.

"God you look gorgeous all trussed up like that," I leered. "What a lovely cunt you have."

My cock jerked up and down in its stiffness as I gently caressed her leg.

"Don't you dare!" she cried. "I don't do dick!"

"You're telling me," I responded. "It's me who has to do all the work."

I turned her over and untied the knots that held the straight-jacket secured. Then I turned her onto her back and deliberately held my stiff cock just about two inches away from her disgusted face as I pulled off the sleeves.

"Get that revolting thing away from me," she insisted.

"So what's it like to have the shoe on the other foot for a change?" I asked.

"O.K. So I came a few times," she huffed. "But I don't need any new fetishes. I'm perverted enough as it is."

"I think we both did well out of tonight. I'm hooking up with Sharon the pornographer later this evening," I told her with a smug grin.

"I wonder if we could come up with a new magic routine in which I saw your cock off on stage," Henrietta replied.

The End


2 comments:

  1. I want to go to that bachelorette party!

    ReplyDelete
  2. As always I wish my mind could twist and turn like yours. I love it.

    I also learned a new word.

    ReplyDelete