Woody Allen once said that sex was the most fun he'd ever had without laughing. But laughing and sex are not mutually exclusive. Horniness brings on undignified behaviour, and it is all the more fun if we are in on the joke. This blog is a celebration of the funny side of sex and the sexy side of humour. As an author of erotic stories I like to show that sex is more fun when it is playful and silly.

You can find my humorous erotic ebooks on I-Tunes, Kobo, Barnes & Noble and Smashwords. They are always free!!!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Three in a Bed : A Sunday Snog


This week's Sunday Snog is another extract from my as yet unfinished novel Vanessa's Island. For more about the institution of the Sunday Snog and links to other contributions check out Victoria Blisse's blog.

Three in a Bed




"Time for bed, loverboy," Vanessa grinned.

"O.K.!" I yelled, grabbing her by the hand and dragging her towards the bedroom.

"Whoooh," Vanessa protested. "Hold your horses."

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"You haven't even kissed Nicole goodnight," she reminded me. "You really must learn to mind your manners."

"Oh yeah," I replied, running over to Nicole and pecking her on the cheek.

"That's not a kiss," Nicole protested. "THIS is a kiss." She threw her arms around my neck, pressed her soft boobs against my chest and kissed me long and hard and open-mouthed. As our tongues entwined, I rubbed my stiff cock against her firm belly in a desperate humping motion.

"All right all ready, that's enough!" cried Vanessa, pulling us apart. "I can't even trust you to give the girl a polite goodnight kiss."

"Poor David," Nicole sympathised, "I think you'd better take care of that cock of his right away before it explodes."

"Goodnight Nicole," Vanessa smiled, leading me into the bedroom.

"Goodnight, Vanessa. Goodnight, David," Nicole called after us, through the closing door.

Vesper and Lucie from Girls Out West
"So, David," said Vanessa, turning to me with an evil grin, "feel like a fuck?"

I threw my arms around her immediately and pulled her close. After all that frustration, the feel or her soft warm belly against my aching prick was too much. A wave of ecstasy shook my body and I coated the underside of her boobs with several jets of creamy hot jism.

"Oh, dear," Vanessa laughed, "I suppose I should have known that that would happen if I kept you waiting this long. I bet there's a hell of a lot more where that came from though." She grasped my still-stiff cock and slid her hand slowly up and down in its slick coating of cum.

"Oh, that's so good," I sighed.

"Now lie down on the bed," she instructed. "My pussy is almost as desperate as you are."

Following instructions, I lay down on the bed and watched as Vanessa lowered her auburn-haired pussy over my stiff cock.

"Oh God, yeah," I cried, reaching up to squeeze her bottom cheeks while she rode me like a horse.

Vanessa closed her eyes and pinched her nipples as she rode me and it wasn't long before a spasm rocked her body and she cried out in ecstasy as she collapsed on top of me in a sweaty heap.

"See," she said, with a slow sensuous smile, "some things are worth waiting for."

As she lay back on the bed beside me I began drawing slow circles around one of her sweaty nipples with my index finger. Then I leaned down and gently kissed the soft side of her throat.

"You really are the sexiest woman in the world," I told her.

"What about Nicole?" she asked.

"Oh, all right, you're the second sexiest woman in the world," I replied.


"You bastard!" she cried, slapping my face with a playful grin.

"Let's just say, that you are the sexiest woman in the world and Nicole is the sexiest girl," I replied diplomatically. "She is only half your age after all."

"You don't have to rub it in," Vanessa sulked.

"But I thought you liked it when I rubbed it in," I replied, rubbing my fingers in her cum-coated pussy.

"Well, when you put it that way... " Vanessa sighed, her evil grin once more manifesting itself.

"Oh, I'll put it anyway you like," I smiled, kissing her on the lips.

It didn't take much of this fooling around before my cock was stiff once more.

"Give it to me one more time," she said, giving me a slow, tired smile.

"Isn't that a song?" I asked, as I climbed between her legs and slid my cock deep into her welcoming pussy.

"If you start singing, I'll never forgive you," she replied. "Just shut your mouth and fuck me."

I was doing as ordered, slowly pumping my stiff prick in and out of Vanessa's hot pussy, when there was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" I asked, keeping up my rhythm.

"Idiot," Vanessa laughed, softly smacking the side of my head. "What do you want, Nicole?"

"I'm lonely," Nicole's voice replied sadly, from the other side of the door. "Can I sleep in your bed tonight?"

"Well, David and I are fucking at the moment," Vanessa replied.

"Oh, goody," cried Nicole, opening the door and running in to the room. "I hoped you might be. I love to watch."


"Well, David," said Vanessa, "I suppose we better make sure we put on a good show."

Vanessa squeezed her pussy around my cock to try to stop me from pulling it out, but I pulled hard and out it came with a wet plopping sound.

"See, Nicole," I said, putting on a teacherly voice, "this is David's cock, and this is Vanessa's hot horny pussy. And this is how David's stiff cock and Vanessa's hot horny pussy make friends with each other."

With that I spread Vanessa's legs even further apart with my hands and plunged my stiff prick back where it belonged.

"Oh, yeah," Vanessa sighed. "Teach her well, David, teach her well."

Nicole climbed onto the bed beside us and smiled happily as we fucked. She reached out with her right hand and slowly stroked the flexing musles in my left leg, as I plunged my cock again and again into Vanessa's insatiable pussy.

When Vanessa and I finally came simultaneously, a wave of ecstasy sweeping our bodies, Nicole celebrated the event by leaning down and planting a gentle kiss on left cheek of my sweat-soaked ass.

"I need a drink after all that exercise," I said, getting up off the bed. "You girls want anything?"

"Why don't you bring in what's left of the lemonade and three glasses," Vanessa suggested.

"Your wish is my command," I replied hammily, bowing my way out the door.

The night was warm and humid. I could hear the heavy tropical rain beating a steady rhythm on the roof as I turned on the kitchen light. As I opened the refrigerator door the cool air felt good against my sweat-and-cum-soaked skin. I took out the pitcher of lemonade and placed it on a tray that was lying on the counter. I grabbed three glasses and put them next to the pitcher. Then  I carried the tray into the bedroom, switching off the kitchen light with my elbow as I went past.

Nicole and Vanessa were talking softly together about how wonderful life was on the island. As they talked Nicole ran a finger tentatively over the sweaty skin of Vanessa's hip.

"Vanessa?" Nicole asked, with a slightly troubled look on her face.

"Yes, Nicole," Vanessa replied.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Of course. But I didn't think you were interested in other women."

"Neither did I, until just now. But I want to know what it feels like."

I set the tray of drinks down on the bedside table and watched as Nicole gently took Vanessa's face between her shaking hands and brought their lips together. After a moment she pulled back and looked deep into Vanessa's eyes. Then she pressed her lips back to Vanessa's, putting her arms around her and pulling her close. A tremor went through Nicole's body as she and Vanessa's mouths opened and their tongues began to play together.


"Oh, wow," Nicole sighed, when she finally pulled away. "That was fantastic! I never knew it would be like that."

"I've been wanting to do that ever since you arrived on the island," Vanessa confessed.

"Look," said Nicole, spreading her legs wide apart so that Vanessa and I could see the juice that was trickling from the crack of her pussy.

"Mmmmm," I replied, sitting down on the bed and leaning over to lick it up.

"Oh, that's wonderful, David," Nicole sighed. "But I want Vanessa to lick it."

"I thought you'd never ask," Vanessa smiled, as her face sank slowly between Nicole's legs.

"Geez," I complained, "I'm stuck with a pair of lesbians. I can see I won't even get a look in from now on."

"Judging by the state of David's cock," Nicole pointed out, "I think he likes lesbian girls. Does David want a naughty lesbian girlie to suck his cock for him."

"I wouldn't say no," I replied.

While Vanessa slurped happily at Nicole's pussy, Nicole leaned across and grasped my hot hard cock in her soft hand and lowered her warm lips around its sensitive head. She sucked it hard into her mouth, and then pulled back so that the end slipped out from between her lips with wet popping sound. She repeated this action several times, obviously delighted by the sound that it made."

"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with your food," I complained.

By way of an answered Nicole just bared her teeth around my cock playfully.

"O.K., O.K.," I replied, quickly, "I get the point."

After that Nicole got down to some serious sucking and soon I was coating her tonsils with love juice.

"Oh, God," she cried, after she'd had a chance to swallow. "I'm cumming... "


When Vanessa finally came up for air, she was a mess. Her chin, mouth and nose were all drippng wet as she grinned at me. I leaned over and pulled a dark pubic hair from between her teeth.

Vanessa and Nicole were so excited by the joy that they had discovered together that they talked long into the night. Eventually I had to slap their bottoms playfully and tell them to shut up so I could get some sleep.

The next morning I was the first to wake. When a gentle kiss on each of their behinds failed to wake Vanessa and Nicole, I decided to let them sleep.

I fixed myself some breakfast and then set off to do some spear-fishing at the lagoon on the other side of the island, in hopes that I might catch a special lunchtime treat for my two weary bedmates.

"Aw, how romantic," I commented upon my return, when I found the two of them doing a naked slow dance to Tony Bennett.

Vanessa stuck her tongue out at me. "She dances better than you do, anyway," she commented.

I just sat down and watched them circle the floor, sometimes pressing their breasts together, sometimes pulling back so that their stiff nipples just barely touched and tickled each other. All the while grinding their hips together, Vanessa's auburn pubes intermingling with Nicole's black ones.

I had to admit that watching them dance like that was a major turn-on. As I watched them I slowly began to stroke my stiff cock.

"Just because you come home and find two nude lesbians slow dancing in your bedroom, doesn't mean you have to sit down and start masturbating," Nicole scolded me playfully.

"Oh, poor David," Vanessa replied. "I think he feels left out. Just because we like licking each others pussies doesn't mean we love him any less, does it."

With that they came over to where I was sitting and knelt down on either side of me. I continued to stroke my erection while they kissed each other over my lap, sucking on each others tongues sensuously. Then Nicole pulled my hand off of my cock and replaced it with her own. She pulled the head of my cock towards her mouth and gave it a tentative lick, then she offered it to Vanessa who did likewise. Then both bent down and began licking and sucking up and down either side of my cock, their lips and tongues occassionally brushing against each other around my shaft. Finally they were engaged in a wet open-mouthed kiss around my stiff cockshaft.

Eventually I surrendered myself totally to the rapturous pleasure they were giving me and spurted several jets of hot cum over both their faces.

As I sat there feeling totally satisfied, they grinned up at me with my cum running in creamy rivulets down their foreheads and dripping from the ends of their noses. Then they turned towards each other and began licking each others faces clean.

When they had achieved this, Vanessa grabbed Nicole by the hand and led her over to the bed. Lying down in a 69 position, with Nicole on top, her round pink bottom pointed towards me, they proceeded to lick and suck each others pussies hungrily.

The sight was too much for me and my cock soon swelled back to full stiffness. Walking over to the bed to get a closer view of Vanessa's pink tongue flickering in and out of Nicole's dripping pussy, I proceeded to wank myself off and sprayed another load of cum over Nicole's back. When she and Vanessa had both reached quivering orgasms, she raised herself up and I watched my cum slowly run down her back and between the cheeks of her bottom.

That night Nicole, Vanessa and I again wore ourselves out with frenzied love-making.


The End (for now)

Friday, September 23, 2011

Book Review : The Adventures of Little Lorna - Part One : Resort Sports


The Adventures of Little Lorna is a series of sexy comic books that artist Julio Sinope has created specifically for the Kindle ebook format. He has released two books so far and is currently working on a third.

Little Lorna is a naive but spirited eighteen-year-old whose parents have allowed her to go on holiday in Mexico with Ol' Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob is not her real uncle, rather he's a dirty old man. And it doesn't take much for one of the locals to con Lorna out of her clothes, which leads to a spanking from Uncle Bob.

The basic concept of the Little Lorna comics is not original. Stories of naive young girls being taken advantage of by a succession of sleazy men are a genre all to themselves, and this kind of plot has been used in literally hundreds of porn films. Nor are the gags terribly clever.

But what makes these ebooks something to treasure is Sinope's artwork. Little Lorna is a delightful creation and it is all in the drawing, which captures her spirit of indomitable optimism in the face of every kind of abuse. And the images are so well presented that, as you flick from one picture to the next it often almost comes across like one of those flip books in which the progression gives an illusion of movement.

Resort Sports is a very short instalment in the series. The second - Love Boat - which I will review later, is a good deal longer and more ambitious.

You can find Resort Sports at Amazon.

Also, check out Julio's page at DeviantArt. Check out his blog, especially the oldest post which includes some wonderful colour artwork. You can also find Julio on Facebook.



Sunday, September 18, 2011

Pleasure Cruise - Chapter 31 : A Sunday Snog


Today's Sunday Snog contribution is a little special. It's a chapter from an interactive erotic serial that I initiated a number of years ago. We had about 12 writers playing different characters and contributing chapters. I can only post my own contributions to the serial here, but I thought this one would be a bit of fun for today's Sunday Snog. Let me know if you like it and I'll post some other extracts. To find out more about the Sunday Snog and read other contributions, go to  Victoria Blisse's blog.

Pleasure Cruise - Chapter 31




I wondered what Sammi was talking about. Exactly what had happened in my cabin after the cocktail party? Had I fucked her?


To be honest what disturbed me was not that I might have, but that I had forgotten if I had. There was something strangely appealing about this woman and I wouldn't have minded knowing what it would feel like to hold her in my arms. The problem was that I might have done that and more and yet I couldn't remember it. Such a waste.

With these thoughts I made my way to the bridge. The cool morning breeze felt refreshing blowing through the hair on my chest. It might have been unprofessional for a captain to go about his duties shirtless, but it was by no means an unpleasant sensation.

Joe was a bit taken aback when he saw me enter the bridge without my full uniform.

"No need for us to maintain strict code, I don't think," I explained. "As this is our last cruise. After all we can't get fired."

"Sounds O.K. to me Captain," he replied as he headed off to his cabin.

At noontime, Cheryl brought me up some lunch as usual. Putting it down on a chair, she came up behind me and began running her fingers over my chest, teasing my nipples. I could feel her large braless breasts squashed against my back.

"I love a guy with a hairy chest," she sighed.

"Anyone I know," I quipped.

"How could I ever be satisfied with just one," she laughed. "Has the Captain forgiven me for swimming in the pool buck naked and giving him a hard-on?"

"Yes, I suppose so," I said.

"Good," she replied, "because I am going to need to be forgiven again. I'm about to be really naughty and suck my captain's cock while he steers the ship."


With that she came around the front of me and sank to her knees, unzipping my white pants as she did so and pulling them, together with my boxer shorts, down around my knees. My rock-hard cock slapped loudly against my belly.

"Don't be crazy!" I protested, pulling my pants back up. "Someone might catch us."

"I  know," she grinned. "Exciting, isn't it." As she crouched there open-legged at my feet, I noticed that she was wearing nothing beneath her long T-shirt. Her wet, hairy pussy was spread before my hungry gaze. I groaned with frustration as she began rubbing her fingers against its wetness. "I can't help it if the sight of a hairy chest makes me lose all control."

"Well, you'll have to learn some control," I told her, trying to sound sincere. "I'll be off duty at 5. We'll finish this in my cabin then."

"You hard man," she replied, standing up close to me and gently stroking my stiff cock through my trousers.

The rest of my shift passed without incident.

When Joe came up to relieve me, he was accompanied by Cheryl. He also had a huge grin on his face.

"So Captain," she asked, "are you ready for a little recreational activity with the Game's Mistress. Much more appropriate title than Co-ordinator, I think."

"I've thought of nothing else all afternoon," I told her, truthfully.

"Have fun," called Joe after us, as he took up his position at the wheel.

As we were passing the swimming pool, I noticed Tabitha and Claire climbing out of the water. For a moment, I thought that they were naked. Then, on closer inspection, I saw that they were dressed in tiny g-string bikinis that left the whole of their well-toned, tanned buttocks on display. There tops covered no more than their nipples.


"Hello, Captain!" called Claire, with a wave.

"Good evening, ladies," I replied. "I'm afraid I must tell you that we have a dress code aboard this ship, which disallows any form of clothing that might be deemed indecent or obscene. I'm afraid that your bathing costumes are a transgression of that code."

"Oh," said Tabitha, with mock contriteness. "Well, if you put it that way... I suppose we will have to take them off. Won't we Claire."

No sooner had she said this than both girls pulled the strings on a couple of loosely tied bows and their bikinis fell onto the deck. The two girls giggled happily as they displayed their nude bodies to us. Each had trimmed her pubic hair to a small patch above her pink and pouting pussy lips. Their breasts were small and pert, their nipples erect.

"Now, now, ladies," I replied, as I stared at their cute little pussies. "You know that is not what I meant."

"Let them go," Cheryl whispered in my ear. "You know you like seeing them that way. And so will the other guys aboard. Who needs rules when this is our last cruise."

I had to follow her advice, because at this point she began stroking my stiff cock through my trousers in clear view of the two girls. I began to hustle her away towards my cabin.

"Are you two gonna fuck?" Tabitha yelled after us. "Why not do it out here on deck so we can enjoy it too."

"Now see what you have started?" I scolded Cheryl, lifting the back of her T-shirt and smacking her nude bottom.

"Well, I am the Game's Mistress," she replied. "If you keep following my advice we will have the kind of fun and games going on aboard this ship that you will never forget."

Coincidentally at this point we heard female moaning coming from Suzette's room as we passed it. Being an inveterate show-off, she had left the door half-open. I peeked in and saw her riding atop one of the male passengers. I couldn't remember his name, but I had seen him coming up the gangplank on the day we embarked. From where we were standing Cheryl and I could see the most delectable bottom aboard ship rising and falling above a large, stiff cock which positively dripped with the effusions of Suzette's horny little pussy. As we stood watching, Cheryl unzipped me and pulled out my own stiff cock, and began masturbating me.

I was afraid we would get caught, so I hurried Cheryl away towards my cabin. She wouldn't let me put my cock back in my pants though.

"One of the passengers might come along this corridor at any moment," I whispered to her urgently.

"I hope so," she smirked. "I hope before this cruise is over, that every female passenger aboard will get to see you just like this. With your naked cock standing at attention and ready to please."

"Most of the lady passengers already have," I reminded her. "Thanks to that bitch, Monique."

"You might call her a bitch," Cheryl pointed out. "But you are dying to fuck her aren't you? I saw how your cock twitched when you mentioned her name."

"You know far to much about me," I told her as I pushed her through the door of my cabin.

"At last I can get rid of this ridiculous T-shirt," she said, pulling it up over her head and dropping it to the floor so that she stood before me completely nude. "I wish I could just walk around like this all day long, watching all the guys cocks do the polite thing and rise when this lady entered a room."


"Well, my cock can't be faulted on his etiquette," I replied, pulling off my shoes, socks, trousers and shorts, to stand equally nude in front of Cheryl.

She came up close to me and I felt her lovely soft breasts rubbing against my hairy chest as she gently stroked my erection with her warm fingers. We kissed passionately as I fondled her buttocks and pulled her belly up firmly against my stiff cock.

Soon she was lying back on the bed and I was sliding my stiffness between her warm, wet pussy lips. Her hands roamed up and down my sweaty back and over the cheeks of my arse as I  slid in and out.

I pulled her up off the bed so that my knees bent and slid beneath her well spread thighs. I leaned back and fucked her hard and deep, while she sighed and played with her nipples with her fingers.

When she came, I could feel her liquid squirting warmly over my balls. My own explosion followed as I pumped her full of cum.

Having slaked our lust on each others bodies we fell back in each others arms and chatted comfortably while punctuating our comments with soft kisses and gentle strokes of the most intimate parts of each others bodies.

"Most of the passengers aboard this ship are as horny as hell," Cheryl commented. "I really think we should ease up on the rules and regulations and let them really have the kind of cruise they will remember for the rest of their lives."


"But what about Mrs. Snodgrass?" I replied. "She's already fit to be tied. What do you think she will do if she sees Tabitha and Claire wandering around the deck in the nude."

"Well, you know what these prudish types are like," Cheryl put in, "I bet she'd be the biggest slut aboard if she really let herself go. I could get Brad to spike her drinks and she would be having such a good time herself that she wouldn't complain."

"Having a good time with who? I'm not sure anyone would be wanting to have a good time with her," I replied.

"Well, you're the Captain," she replied. "Don't they say that, in case of an emergency, the captain has to go down on the passengers."

"Down with the ship, I think," was my reply, "quite a different thing all together."

The End (of this episode)


Friday, September 16, 2011

Book Review : Naked Adventures (Naked Collection #1) by Kendall Swan


This bumper collection of erotic stories by Kendall Swan centres around her "naked" series - titles such as  Naked Housecleaning, Naked Cheerleader, Naked Robot, etc., but it also contains a generous assortment of her other stories, including some short realistic vignettes and some wild excursions into science fiction and the world of vampires.

The great strength of her writing is simplicity and directness. She takes you straight into the experiences and thoughts of her characters with very little time spent on setting scenes or giving detailed descriptions. Never-the-less she conjures up deliciously erotic images and sensations with great economy.

Her best stories, which include Naked Housekeeping, Naked Slumber Party and Naked Robot, are incredibly sexy because of the way they convey the excitement of a character caught up in a unfamiliar erotic adventure which opens up previously unforeseen possibilities.

While the stories may vary in their eroticism, all are interesting in some way, with the science fiction and vampire stories consisting of brief incidents which manage to sketch out a larger context in just a few details and imaginatively explore such issues as post-Apocalyptic sexual politics and interspecies sexual encounters in outer space.

Many of these stories have been made available previously in smaller collections, but this is the best way to get plenty of Kendall Swan bang for your buck.

You can buy it, in various formats, from Smashwords.


Thursday, September 15, 2011

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Girl Who Fucked Liberty Valance : Wank Wednesday


Wank Wednesday goes Wild West today. The prompt word is #border. For more information and links to all the stories check out Ruby Kiddell's site The Erotic Notebook.

The Girl Who Fucked Liberty Valance


"You're going to come to a bad end, mark my words," said Kitty Sweet, as she lit her cheroot with one hand and washed the cum off of the bad man's cock with the other.

"I've cum in your end often enough," replied Liberty Valance with an evil smile. "It's an outlaw's life for me. Live fast, die young and leave an impressive pile of corpses. That's my philosophy."

"You're a wicked man, but a good tipper," the pretty young prostitute pointed out as she sat back on her bed with her black-stocking-clad legs spread and her smoothly shaven pink pussy proudly on display. Apart from her stockings she wore a frilly pink bodice which squeezed in her waist and presented her full, soft pale breasts like ripe fruit on a platter.



Kitty loved her job. She loved hunky cowboys and wildly wicked outlaws. And, even more, she loved their big stiff cocks. Some of them might be famously quick on the draw, but all of them were long and slow when it came to sliding their loveguns in and out of the horny holster between her thighs. They liked to get their money's worth. They loved the feel of her small soft hands grabbing the firm cheeks of their butts, whether they were smooth or hairy, and greedily urging them to sink their pricks deeper into her cum-hungry cunt. They prided themselves on how many squealing orgasms she would have before her cervix was shot down in a hail of sperm.

A sign on the door of her bedroom read : "The Whore is In - Please Take a Number." All down the hallway of the hotel sat men in dusty jeans and check shirts with cowboy hats - some white, some black - in their laps, covering signs of their impatient ardour for Kitty.

As Liberty left, her next customer entered. He was a tall, slim man with cold eyes, which squinted like he had been a long time in the bright sun. He had a rough stubble on his face, against which he lit a match as he looked down at Kitty on the bed. He smoked the same brand of cheroots as she did.

"What's your name, honey?" she asked.

"I don't have one," he told her, with a voice like smooth sandpaper. "I'm the man with no name."



"How unfortunate," Kitty sympathised, feeling a twitch in her clit as he stripped off to reveal a particularly impressive erection.

"My mother was very indecisive," he explained. "She read all those baby name book, but could never settle on one."

"So what did she call you?" Kitty enquired, as the man climbed onto the bed beside her.

"Son, or boy," he replied. "When I was very young, Poopy Pants."

"Do you mind if I call you Harry?" she wanted to know.

"That'd make my day," he said, with a slow breaking smile.

She took a sniff of his hairy chest.

"You smell very clean," she declared.

"I have a bath twice a day," he explained.

"Dirty Harry!" exclaimed Kitty.

"I just told you, I bathe twice a day," he laughed.

"You're still a very dirty man to stick your finger up Kitty's bottom," she insisted.

"You mean you don't like men sticking things up your bottom?" he wanted to know.

"I never said that," she admitted. "But I'm a very, very dirty girl indeed."


"I'm glad to hear it," he said, flipping her over, lubricating his cock with some of the face cream Kitty kept beside the bed and sliding his meat magnum deep into the winking pink hole between her soft pale bum cheeks.

"Bugger me!" Kitty cried. "You don't waste any time buggering a girl, do you?"

"Whether you're robbing a bank or fucking a whore, nothing beats a surprise assault on the back door," he informed her.

"A poet as well," she giggled as she gave herself an orgasm by rubbing her stiff little clit. She loved the feeling of her sensitive rectum stretched tight around a big butt-ful of throbbing cock.

The man with no name reached down into Kitty's bodice and eased her big breasts over the top of it so that he could pinch her sensitive stiff nipples.

"Is Doctor Harry going to give his pretty little patient a jism enema?" squealed Kitty, as she reached her fifth orgasm.

"What you have rammed into your rear end is the most powerful cum-shooter in the world. I could blow your bum clean off," warned the man. "Much safer if I finish myself off by hand."

And so he pulled his cock out of Kitty's warm tight butt-hole with a resounding "plop" and began pumping it slowly and leisurely in his fist. Kitty flipped over and fingered her cunt as she watched with a huge grin on her face. It wasn't long before he grunted and a big fountain of creamy cum shot out of his cock and splattered all over Kitty. Some landed on her nose, so she licked it off with her agile tongue.

"So where are you from?" she asked.

"I'm not from anywhere," he told her as he put his clothes back on. "I just wander the desert, visiting random towns only when I need to get a fistful of dollars. Or, when I'm in a gay mood, to get a dollar's worth of fisting."


"Well, make sure you drift through town again sometime soon," she ordered, patting his tight jean-clad butt as he walked out, "or you'll be unforgiven."

Kitty's next customer was none other than the notorious Jesse James.

"How's the bank robbery business panning out for you?" asked Kitty as she tried to nonchalantly wipe off the evidence of her previous customer's prodigious cumshot with her dainty handkerchief.

"Not bad," Jesse told her, as he pulled down his dusty jeans to reveal a pair of pink lacy bloomers.

"They're mine, aren't they?" cried Kitty. "I might have known I couldn't trust a bank robber."

"I like to feel you close to me between visits," Jesse explained.

"Well, make sure you aren't wearing them when that weasel Robert Ford is around," she advised. "You don't want the newspapers to report that you died wearing pink frilly panties."

"Robert?" Jesse queried. "The guy's a hundred percent trustworthy. I keep telling you that. I don't know why you don't like him."


*          *          *

During her breaks, Kitty liked to hang out in the saloon downstairs.

Now she was wearing a scarlet dress which showed a lot of cleavage as she sat at a table drinking gin.

"You must see lots of famous gunslingers living here in Bedwood," said the fresh-faced and freckled youth who was sitting with her. "Myself, I'm just a simple cowpoke."

"Well, honey," Kitty smiled. "If you ever get sick of poking those cows, you come up and see me sometime, y'hear?"

It was at that moment that the saloon's doors swung open to admit a familiar figure. At the sight of him, a coldness gripped Kitty's heart.

In her mind she was hurled back to her childhood. Once more she was a little girl standing horrified by the apple tree in the front garden as she heard the sound of three gunshots from inside the house.

"Daddy! Daddy!" she cried, running for the porch.

But then out strode Farnsworth G. Farnsworth shoving his smoking gun back into its holster with one hand while twirling the edge of his moustache with the other.

She never got into the house. Farnsworth tripped her and she fell face first into the dust. Then he pulled a stick of dynamite out of his overcoat, lit it with a match and threw it back through the open door.

The explosion that ripped apart her childhood home, also ripped apart her soul. From that point she realised that this was the wild west, a place where only the strong could survive.

Her father had refused to sell his farm to make way for Farnsworth's railway. He'd never harmed anyone in his life, but kindness counted for nothing in this lawless land.


Now Kitty was confronted with this demon from her past. He had a touch of grey in his hair, which was otherwise as black as his heart, but nothing else about him had changed. Kitty had the advantage on him. There was no way that he would associate that frightened little girl with the sassy whore who sat drinking her gin in the front bar of the White Buffalo Saloon.

He was with Cedric Branston, the man who owned virtually all of the real estate in town, including the White Buffalo. Cedric was a short man in a top hat with a salt and pepper beard. Kitty had to give him a cut of her takings, although officially he knew nothing about what took place upstairs at the saloon.

"You don't know how good it feels to play poker with someone who can match my stakes," Farnsworth told him.

"I don't gamble often," Branston replied. "But when I do I like to really go the whole hog."

Kitty sauntered over for a closer look, making an effort to hide the storm of rage that was tearing at her heart.

"Hi, Kitty," said Branston. "Meet my friend Mr. Farnsworth."

"A pleasure," she replied cooly, kissing his hand. But in her mind she completed the sentence - "...it would be to tear out your heart."

She stood and watched as the pair gambled. The stakes were indeed high. She had never seen so much money in one place before.

Luck was not going Branston's way. Soon he had lost all of his cash.

"Well, it looks like a pleasant afternoon's amusement has come to an end," Farnsworth stated as he gathered up the money.

"Wait," Branston responded. "All or nothing."

"All or nothing against what?" Farnsworth wanted to know.

"The Town of Bedwood," Branston replied.

"But.." Kitty began to protest, and then realised that it was not her place.


The thought of Farnsworth taking possession of her town was too horrible for Kitty to contemplate. Branston was a sleaze, but he was not a sleaze who had murdered her father.

Bold though Branston might be, luck still refused to favour him.

"A round of drinks on the house," Farnsworth declared. "Never let it be said that the new owner of the White Buffalo Saloon doesn't look after his customers."

Kitty collected another gin from the bartender and sat back at her table to consider her next move.

"Enjoying your gin on the house?" Farnsworth enquired slimily.

"I always enjoy gin," Kitty replied coldly.

"Now that I'm the owner, I think there is something I might like to enjoy on the house," he told her, running a clammy hand down her cheek.

A few minutes later they were up in her room and Farnsworth was removing his pants to reveal his bandy legs and his massive boner.

"I've never owned my own slut before," he leered. "Normally if I want a sexy woman I have to rape her."

Kitty kept a gun in her bedside drawer.


"I have some special perfume," she told him. "I want to make myself extra sexy for you." She reached into the drawer and pulled out the pistol.

"Did anyone ever tell you you look too pretty to be a filthy whore cunt?" Farnsworth asked.

"This is for my daddy," replied Kitty and blew his cock off.

Farnsworth staggered around the room trying to staunch the flow of blood from his crotch. When he moved backwards away from the bed, Kitty shot him point blank in the heart and pushed him out the window.

She would have to run. She was a murderer. It wouldn't be long before Marshall Twerp would come looking for her.

*          *          *

Two days later she was riding across the desert headed for the Rio Grande. If she could make it across the border into Mexico she would be safe.

She was wearing jeans, a check shirt and a cowboy hat. From a distance no-one would have recognised that she was a woman.


At nightfall she stopped and lit a camp fire. She'd brought a few cans of beans with her, along with a can opener, a frying pan and a spoon. She was hungry and the beans tasted good.

She hadn't had any sex for two days. Once her stomach had been satisfied, her pussy began to tell her that it was horny.

Surely there couldn't be anyone around for miles, she thought. Why not make herself comfortable? She loved being nude out-of-doors in this warm weather. So she stripped naked, threw down a blanket and began masturbating shamelessly in the bright moonlight.

She was sucking on her right nipple and fingering her wet cunt happily, when, all of a sudden, a pair of strange fingers pinched her left nipple.

"What the fuck!?!" she cried, jumping up.

"My name Pronto," said the huge Apache who stood up next to her. "Pronto like to help white woman satisfy her happy hole."

"I've never met an Indian before," Kitty informed him nervously.

"We prefer 'native American'," he corrected her. "Indian racist term. Imply we are bunch of cow-worshipping curry munchers."

"I'm sorry," replied Kitty.


She looked down at the place where his loin cloth was bunched up over the top of a proud and massive erection.

"They don't really work terribly well when you're excited, do they?" she pointed out.

"You have been scalped between the legs!" he exclaimed.

Kitty giggled.

"It's nice and smooth," she told him. "Want to feel?" And she grabbed his big calloused hand and rubbed his fingers all over her cunt.

"Also very wet," he replied.

"Come on, big boy," she purred, stroking his rock hard prick. "Let's fuck in the moonlight."

For such a big and muscular brave he was surprisingly gentle as he lay her down upon the blanket, cradling her soft bottom as he did so. And then he fucked her in the position the missionaries had taught him.

She could easily have got accustomed to being fucked by a big muscular savage. She loved the feel of his hard and hairless chest against her soft breasts, and the feel of his buttocks, which were as hard as his cock, beneath her hands.

Pronto howled like a coyote as he came and Kitty joined in.

"You can have a powwow in my pussy any time you like," she sighed.

They cuddled and kissed beneath the full moon. Then Kitty fell asleep. When she awoke, he was gone.


*          *          *

When she reached the Rio Grande, Kitty stripped naked. It was going to be a hard swim, impossible in clothes.

She waded out from the shore, the current pulling at her hard. Once she was in the full flow of the river she had to let it carry her with it, hoping to be able to fight hard enough to gradually get a little closer to the opposite shore.

She made it. She was now four miles down river from the point at which she had begun the crossing, but she was back on dry land.

There was no doubt she was taking a major gamble walking into Mexico stark naked, but what other option did she have?

She saw nobody for several hours, and the heat was making her feel weak. She knew she should try to keep going, but she just didn't have it in her. So she sat her bare bottom down in the hot sand and she started to cry.

It was at this moment that she heard the sound of hoofbeats coming towards her out of the desert.

Up rode a very handsome Mexican man with a moustache and a large sombrero.


"It must be my lucky day," he told her. "It is not every day that I find a naked beauty in the desert. Please allow me to be your knight in the shining armour."

"I thought I was a goner," Kitty confessed.

"Allow me to introduce myself," said the Mexican. "I am Smokey Joe, owner of the famous Smokey Joe's Cafe in Tijuana."

"Hi, Joe," Kitty smiled. "I'm Kitty Sweet, the famous whore from Bedwood. Please allow me to suck your cock in gratitude for coming to my rescue."

"Smokey Joe is known for many things," he informed her, hopping down from his horse. "But turning down free blow jobs is not one of them."

He dropped his baggy peasant pants to reveal his stiff cock. It was not exceptionally long, but it was prodigiously fat. Kitty loved the way she had to stretch her jaw to get her teeth around it. It felt so lovely and warm against her tongue. Now that she once more had a dick in her mouth, she knew everything was going to turn out fine.

"I've always had a thing for gringo girls," Joe told her, letting out a little moan as she gobbled on his gonads.

It wasn't long before he filled her mouth so full of spunk that it ran out over her lips. She swallowed it down hungrily.

Then he took off his shirt and gave it to her to wear. It made her almost decent as she rode behind him towards Tijuana.

"I live in a house behind my cafe," he explained. "And I'm looking for a border."

"A border who has a surefire way of earning rent money?" she asked.

"Of course," he responded. "My customers are really going to go for a hot tamale like you!"

The End



Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Ruby Rubs One Out With the Raincoat Brigade


Ruby Rubs One Out With the Raincoat Brigade





The second story in my on-going series about Ruby Tuesday, The Dirtiest Girl in the World is up at The Sex Shop 365.

This story takes place in 1973 when Ruby was 31. She visits a porno cinema for the first time and the action in the audience is wilder than that on the screen.



Sunday, September 11, 2011

A Chubby Card Sharp : A Sunday Snog



Victoria Blisse has created a new institution know as the Sunday Snog. You can find out more about it (and find links to other contributions) at her blog. Basically, the idea is to post a kissing extract from one of your stories (or perhaps write a new one for the occasion.) Today's snog is an extract from my short story Strip Poker With Tina which you can find in my first ebook Inappropriate Behaviour and Other Stories.


A Chubby Card Sharp



This was the first time I had met Tina "in the flesh" (an appropriate term as she has a lot of it), but we had been chatting on the net for over a year.

There was something incredibly erotic about knowing, as I shut my front door behind us, that I could touch her anywhere, take off all of her clothes right there, do anything I wanted with her, with none of the usual preliminaries. We had cum a hundred times together as we chatted on the net. We were old wanking buddies. Now we were going to live out what we had only talked about then. My cock grew stiff in my pants just thinking about the fun we were going to have over the next few days.

We could have just torn off each others clothes and fucked right there on the floor, but I had a feeling that it would be more fun for both of us, if we took it slowly, revelled in the experience of being able to play together at last. But first I wanted to make it clear to Tina that I knew that she was mine and that I was hers. I grabbed her big soft arse, covered by her long red skirt which fell to her ankles, and pulled her hard into me making sure she could feel my stiff cock against her belly. Our mouths met hungrily, opening to let our tongues play together wetly.

"Whose got a stiff cock, then?" Tina asked, playfully, going to unzip my jeans.

"Now, now," I said, pushing her hands away. "There'll be plenty of time for that."

"Awww," Tina pouted. "I've imagined sucking your cock so many times, and now you won't let me see it."

"All in good time, Tina," I told her, "you young girls are too impatient. When you get to my age you realise that pleasures should be savoured as they are soon over at the best of times. Rush through life at the speed you want to go at and you'll have nothing left to look forward to by the time you get past 25."

Tina wasn't listening to my lecture, she was too busy looking around my humble abode.

"Hey, here's your computer," she cried, excitedly. "So that's were you sit and play with yourself while I tell you all about how wet my pussy is and how much I want to suck you off. I kind of expected it to be covered in crusty layers of dried cum, considering how much wanking you do when you're online. I always imagine your cock spurting like a hose pipe when you cum."

"You may be a little disappointed in the reality then," I warned her.

"You mean you don't have a twelve inch cock that's as big around as my wrist and covers the ceiling every time you cum?" she asked.

"You've got some imagination," I told her, "I have to give you that."

"Don't worry, David," she said. "I won't be disappointed. It's your dirty mind that attracts me, not the size of your willy."

"Well, that's reassuring," I admitted.

"But it doesn't mean that I don't want to see you naked," she explained. "You've got way too many clothes on." She brushed her hand gently down my cheek and pressed her warm, soft lips briefly against mine.

"Well," I said, "if you want me to strip you are going to have to use some means of persuasion."

"How about a game of strip poker?" she suggested.

"And if I get my fellow player to strip, I get to poke her?" I asked.

"Oh, you'll get to poke her, anyway," she assured me. "Don't you worry about that."

"The only problem is that I don't know how to play poker," I pointed out.

"That's O.K.," she replied. "I'll teach you."

I never knew that Poker was such a complicated game, but Tina was a good teacher. And incredibly lucky it seemed. In half an hour she had me down to my jeans and underpants. She hadn't had to take off anything.

"But isn't this hand that I have now a Full House, just like you had when you made me take off my left sock?" I asked.

"Yes, but I have a 3 of clubs in my hand. You didn't have a 3 of clubs when I had my Full House. If anyone has a 3 of clubs in their hand that means that the hands are swapped. So now I have a Full House and you have to take off your jeans," she explained patiently.

"Oh, all right," I replied, undoing my belt, unzipping my jeans and pulling them down and off of my legs. My stiff cock was threatening to poke out of my underpants at any stage.

"Mmmm, nice stiffy," Tina complimented me.

"Royal Flush," declared Tina proudly on her next turn.

"Ah, hah," I replied, proud of myself for at last starting to get the hang of the game, "but now I have the 3 of clubs, so your Royal Flush reverts to me. Right?"

"Well," said Tina hesitantly. "it would if it were anything but a Royal Flush. The Royal Flush is what we call a boomerang hand. In the presence of a 3 of clubs it returns to the person who first held it."

"Damn!" I said, looking down at the garment that was only barely covering my decency.

"It's Showtime!" Tina crowed triumphantly.


Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Queens of the Stone Age : Wank Wednesday


Wank Wednesday means another fruity flight of fancy, and today's prompt word is #flight. This writing challenge is hosted by Ruby Kiddell at The Erotic Notebook. Make sure to check out the other contributions over there.

Queens of the Stone Age



O.K. Before we start, lets just get something straight. You've come to expect from my stories a certain standard of realism. So when I start talking about a world where humans coexisted with dinosaurs, I can see that you are going to give me a hard time. But that is where you would be wrong. Because humans and dinosaurs did, in fact, walk the earth side-by-side. An increasing number of fossil discoveries have proven this beyond a shadow of a doubt.

So why haven't you heard about this? I'll tell you why. A conspiracy. The paleontologists of the world have made a secret agreement to keep a lid on the evidence. After all, not only would it be embarrassing to have to admit how wrong they had been for all those years, but, to release this information would serve to redeem and give comfort to a certain group of irresponsibly irrational individuals. You know who I mean. That's right. The makers of movies such as One Million Years, B.C. and When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth. Should these men learn that their movies were a spookily accurate depiction of what life was like for our cave-dwelling progenitors, right down to the brand of false eye-lashes worn by Racquel Welch, there is no telling what might eventuate. Maybe even a new series of The Flintstones.

So why am I breaking this conspiracy of silence? Because I'm not a scientist, I don't give a fuck, and I quite liked The Flintstones.


Ook was a member of a tribe who called themselves the Rock People. They lived far up in the mountain caves of central Europe. There life was a harsh battle against the elements. The wind blew heavy through the mountain passes, stirring up the massive drifts of snow. Like the rest of his people, Ook covered himself in a cloak of mammoth fur and also wore a tiger pelt loin cloth. His feet were wrapped in antelope leather, but his hairy legs were bare to the chilly winds. Only the tough survived in the high lands.

Ook pulled his flint knife from the side of his loin cloth and joined his fellow tribesmen in hacking free large slices of meat from the carcass of the mammoth that they had just felled with their mighty spears.

Old Mongo enthusiastically cut off the beast's genitals with a single swipe of his stone blade.

"Look at me," he cried, "I've got a mammoth cock!"

"Get a move on," growled Krog, the leader of the tribe. "The sabretooths will have smelled the blood. They'll be here any minute."


Of course they weren't really speaking English. They were speaking a language consisting of guttural grunts and expansive hand gestures.

As they headed back to their cave, heavily-laden with their cargo of raw meat, Ook contemplated his lot in life.

Ook had always felt that he should be leader of the tribe. Wasn't he the most intelligent? Wasn't it he who had first pointed out that their living conditions would be much pleasanter if they shat outside the cave? And yet Krog was the leader because of his prowess as a fighter. Krog could fell any man with one blow of his club. Anyone, that is, who had not already been laid low by his body odour.

One reason why Ook wanted to be leader was that the leader got first pick of a mate. Krog's woman, Hubba-Hubba, made Ook as horny as a Triceratops. She had ice-cold blue eyes beneath a tangled mane of raven hair. Her full breasts were barely contained by her crude leopardskin bra and the jiggling cheeks of her ass were tantalisingly revealed whenever the wind whipped up her loin cloth.


Ook, though very clever, was the worst fighter in the tribe. That is how he ended up with Grot-Grot as his woman. Grot-Grot had a bald patch on the top of her head, she was missing an eye and she smelled like a dead skunk. She did have a good sense of humour though.

The cave was a very crowded place. A tribe of thirty five men, women and children squeezed into a cliff-front cavity the size of a Taco stand. If they wanted to fight, they had to go outside.

And there was no privacy when it came to fucking. Once the children were asleep and the fire had gone out, the moaning would begin as couples rubbed together their bare skins beneath their bear skins. As the men humped away at their women in the Stegosaurus position, the women would gossip amongst themselves about whether their men were able to rock their world or whether they left them stone cold.

Then came the time for the women of the tribe to make their monthly pilgrimage down to the lowlands to gather fruit. Normally, this was an arduous but uneventful trip. But on this occasion the women were cornered in an orange grove by a hungry Tyrannosaurus. It came charging at them on its powerful legs,  saliva dripping from its razor-sharp teeth, and its pathetic little arms just sort of hanging there.


They had no alternative. Two of them picked up Grot-Grot and hurled her forcefully towards the terrible Thunder Lizard. And, as he bit her head clean off, tossed it in the air and swallowed it with a loud gulp, they turned tail and ran back up into the mountains.

So that is how Ook came to be sleeping alone on the night of the full moon.

All around him couples were grunting and squealing like sex-mad warthogs. He was feeling especially horny. He tried rubbing his raptor, but it just wasn't the same.

Krog loved nothing better than having Hubba-Hubba gobble his knob. And this is what she was doing beneath the bearskin to Ook's right.

"No harm in having a peak," he told himself as he lifted the bottom of the pelt and, by the light of the moon flooding through the cave entrance, feasted his eyes on Hubba-Hubba's luscious bare bum.

Krog's eyes were tight shut in ecstasy. What would he notice if Ook stole himself a bit of Hubba-Hubba's action?

He pulled himself up behind her and slid his stiff cock into her hairy wet pussy. She wriggled in approval. Just as Ook had suspected. She was a cavewoman of easy virtue.


Ook grabbed onto her hips and slapped his hairy six-pack against her bare bottom as he probed her pussy with his flesh spear.

If Ook had been a little less enthusiastic, things might have gone well. But he rammed into Hubba-Hubba so hard that she fell forward and sank her teeth into Krug's engorged prick.

"Owwwwwww!" cried Krug, his eyes flying open. "What the fuck! Ook you terrible cunt, stop fucking my woman!"

"What?" Ook, responded, thinking on his feet. "You mean this isn't a dream?"

But Krug didn't believe that Ook had been sleep-fucking. He challenged him to a fight.

Rather than die a horrible death in that cramped cave, Ook ran out into the wilderness where he could be free to die a horrible death in the fresh air.

He ran and he ran and he ran. If you've ever run down a mountain you'll realise that that is what happens. Starting is easy, stopping impossible. Two days later he arrived at the lowlands and fell forward on his face. For three hours he just lay there, but when a baby raptor came past and started eating his ear, he had to climb to his feet and look around. He was in the grove where the women gathered the fruit. So he filled his belly and then he thought about what to do next. He would have to go far far away if he were to be safe from Krog's vengeance. On the edge of the fruit grove was a creek, and beyond that a mighty desert. He drank his fill of water and then set out into the desert. He doubted that he would survive to get to its other side, but he could think of no other way to put a significant barrier between himself and Krug.

He was used to the cold climate up in the snow-capped mountains. The heat of the sun beating down on the desert sands was overwhelming. He abandoned his furs and his tiger pelt loincloth. Dizziness swept over him, and he had to use all of his will to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

And, finally, inevitably, he collapsed. There was no more energy in his body. He almost welcomed the end that he knew would come as the sun dried him up like a raisin.

But it was not to be. Just as all seemed lost, a mighty shadow swept across his body. In the clear blue sky above him a hungry pterodactyl circled and watched. And then it swooped down, clasped him in its sharp claws and bore him aloft. The desert was no place to enjoy a leisurely meal. It would take him back to its island nest.


Though Ook didn't know it, this was man's first experience of flight, of the freedom of souring up into the sky and seeing the world shrink below until the mightiest of trees looked small enough to stick up your nose.

It was a pretty big desert. Ook could see that from the air. There was no way he would have made it without the pterodactyl's help.

Oog's next surprise would be the ocean. How could he have suspected that somewhere there was an expanse of water even larger than the desert? He could see it coming a long way off, as they were flying quite high. But as they neared the beach, the pterodactyl began to circle and descend. Eventually, Ook could see why.

There were women on the beach. Naked women. Their only fur was that growing between their legs. Among the Rock People, nakedness was something that only happened in the dark. The sight of these gorgeous shapely nude women, all of them with strange yellow hair unlike anything Ook had seen before, cause him to pop a boner, even in his situation of grave peril.

The pterodactyl was circling the women on the beach trying to make his mind up whether one of them would make a tastier morsel than the sinewy piece of man meat he currently had in his possession. This gave Ook plenty of opportunity for a good long perv.


"Why not have a wank?" he asked himself. "After all, it might be my last."

Thus did he become the world's first member of the mile-high club, solo division, as he grabbed his stiff cock and stroked happily away as he enjoyed his aerial view of the bevy of buxom blondes who bedecked the brine-swept beach. How he would love to fuck one of those strange creatures. They were even more luscious than Hubba-Hubba. It didn't take long before his happy cock produced a spurt of creamy cum which fell down and landed on the belly of one of the dozing dishes.

"What was that?" she cried, opening her eyes. The girl next to her did likewise, and spotted the circling pterodactyl. Then she looked down at the milky substance that had landed with a splat on her friend's stomach.

"A pterodactyl just jizzed on you," she laughed.

The first girl wiped up some of the liquid on her finger and then licked it off.

"Funny," she said. "It doesn't taste like pterodactyl jizz."

Around this time the pterodactyl apparently decided that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Although he was really the only thing around that resembled a bird and the only bush in sight was of the pubic variety. Which just goes to show that it is a good thing it is me telling the story and not the pterodactyl, otherwise we'd all be confused.

As Ook's captor winged his way out over the water, headed for the volcanic island, which loomed up out of the sea about a half a mile offshore, Ook pulled out his flint knife and jabbed the creature's leathery claw.

The air was ripped asunder by an ear-shattering squawk, as the pterodactyl dropped Ook, who fell with a mighty splash into the sea.

Weak from dehydration and wanking, all Ook could do was to let the current float him towards shore. But by this time he had attracted the notice of the blonde babes on shore. A couple of them swam out to fetch him. One of them grabbed him by the dick, and the other put his head under her arm and pressed it up against her soft boob as she dragged him to shore.

The five women who had been sunning themselves on the beach were apparently only the tip of the iceberg, metaphorically speaking. Twenty three more stunners, their hair blonde and their bouncing bodies well-tanned, came pouring out of the cave that overlooked the beach.


There were no men. What Ook didn't know is that the men of the Sand People were off on a long fishing expedition and would not be back for several days.

Ook staggered out of the water with the curvaceous cavegirl beside him still pulling on his cock. Then the others gathered around him, sniffing him and curiously tugging at his strange dark hair.

"Akita!" one of the women said, insistently, thumping her fist between her ripe bosoms with an air of great pride.

"How are you doing, Akita?" Ook replied.

"Akita!" insisted another of the women, with the same gesture. Then another followed suit. And another. And another.

"Strange," thought Ook. "It must be confusing if they are all called Akita."

What he would only discover after living with the tribe for many months was that, in the language of the Sand People, "akita" meant "slut."


Realising that Ook was not in good condition, the girls took him back to their cave and fed him on fish and fruit and coconut milk. After a couple of days he was back to his old self.

These women of the Sand People were not like the women of the Rock People. For a start, they never stopped playing with themselves or each other. Or with Ook himself. There were always a couple of them sitting by the pile of palm fronds on which he rested. His presence seemed to greatly arouse them. They would stroke his head and the hair on his chest. They would kiss him and suck his toes. Meanwhile they would smile sweetly and masturbate with their other hand. If they thought he was not too tired they would suck his cock until he spurted his love juice down their throats. And when he was able to walk weakly out onto the beach he would find them playing a game which might have been called Lick Pussy Chasey. One would chase the others until she caught one, and the one caught would have to lick the catcher's pussy until her face was bathed in cunt juice.

Once he was recovered, Ook found he had his work cut out fucking all the girls. They loved wanking and licking each other's clits, but they liked cock best of all. Each night he would fuck three or four of them, and then, when the others pushed forward he would make a face which spoke apology and wag his limp willy at them to show that it had lost all hope of stiffness for that evening. But he was always willing to cuddle with them while they wanked off and licked each other's pussies. So nobody ever grumbled too much.

But Ook had a problem. His skin was used to the cloud-covered mountain skies. While the women were used to the sun and well-tanned, Ook burned a painful pink if he stayed too long in the sun.

Through gestures the women told Ook that they had a solution for his problem. They indicated that their pussy juice had a miraculous power to protect him from the sun.

Now, before you decide to save money on sunscreen and seek ozone protection for your next beach visit by smearing girl cum all over your body, let me tell you that it doesn't work. Those Sand People girls were conniving little bitches who knew how to exploit the ignorance of a hick from the high country in order to get the non-stop orgasms they craved.


"It'll take an awful lot of pussy juice to cover my whole body," Ook pointed out, though the girl's didn't know his language. They could pick up the gist though. They smiled and nodded their heads.

The first stage was the wanking. The girls lined up and Ook pleasured their pussies and stiff slippery little clits with his newly skilful fingers. He helped the process by sucking on their stiff nipples. As the cum squirted out, Ook wiped it up with his fingers as it dripped from their hairy pussies and smeared it onto his skin.

The second stage was the oral sex. Ook almost got fur balls from licking all of those hairy cunts. But the girls would soon squirm and shoot or dribble more of the substance he sought.

The final stage was just for those who could perform especially well under unusual circumstances. Mostly it was a case of him spanking their bottoms hard while they wanked themselves off.

Then one of them pointed her bum at him, bent over and pulled her cheeks apart. One of the other girls pointed to her butt-hole.

"What are you trying to say?" asked Ook. "That she's constipated?"


One of the other girl's looked exasperated. She lubricated her index finger with saliva and then slid it up the other girl's bottom. The girl whose bottom it was, gave a shivery giggle. The other girl removed her finger, pointed to Ook's cock, which had mysteriously stiffened at this display, and then back to the butt-hole in question.

So Ook wiped his pre-cum all over his member and then slid it happily home into the girl's chocolate starfish. The other girls all clapped as he plundered her poop shoot. Meanwhile she rubbed her clit until she squirted her essence into her hand. Once Ook and pulled out and wanked off over her beautiful behind, she wiped her cream all over his face.

Secure in the false assumption that his skin was duly protected, Ook lay out to sun himself and rest from all this exertion.

It was at this time that the men of the tribe returned from their fishing expedition.

The women told them about the stranger who had come to join their tribe. As the men gathered around to meet Ook, they sniffed and wrinkled their noses suspiciously.

"I think something fishy is going on here," one of them said to another.

The End