Woody Allen once said that sex was the most fun he'd ever had without laughing. But laughing and sex are not mutually exclusive. Horniness brings on undignified behaviour, and it is all the more fun if we are in on the joke. This blog is a celebration of the funny side of sex and the sexy side of humour. As an author of erotic stories I like to show that sex is more fun when it is playful and silly.
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Sunday, September 4, 2011
The Kissing Booth : A Sunday Snog
Victoria Blisse has created a new institution know as the Sunday Snog. You can find out more about it (and find links to other contributions) at her blog. Basically, the idea is to post a kissing extract from one of your stories (or perhaps write a new one for the occasion.) This little story is one I've written just for this.
The Kissing Booth
Cervantes University wanted to build a demonstration wind turbine to power their science lab. It was going to cost approximately $5000. So, at their Science Fair, they set up a Kissing Booth to raise money. It seemed a very old fashioned thing to do, but when I saw that the girl in the booth was Mary Cooper I realised what a powerful fundraising tool it could be. What heterosexual guy would not want to kiss Mary Cooper, who drove us all wild with her figure hugging, midriff-baring t-shirts that stretched enticingly over her big bouncing braless boobs and those jeans that seemed to be painted onto her peach of a bum? Add to that her rosy cheeks, her big green eyes and the cascade of auburn hair that fell down over one eye, Veronica Lake-style. She was like a live-action Jessica Rabbit.
Of course I was first in line to slap down my $5.00. After all, it was in a good cause. I didn't give a hoot about the wind-turbine, but satisfying my desire to lock lips with Mary Cooper was a cause close to my heart.
"Well, Tony," she said, with a sultry smile, "you're my first customer. Pucker up!" I didn't even know that she knew my name.
I leaned forward and pressed my lips against hers. They were soft and warm and damp. I was surprised when she opened them and slid her tongue into my mouth. I was getting a lot for my $5!
We must have kissed for about two minutes, but it seemed an eternity. I felt dizzy, my heart raced, and I popped a boner.
A boner. That was a problem. I'm pretty well-hung and I was wearing very tight jeans. As I pulled my face away from Mary's I looked down at the front of my pants. It looked like I was smuggling a stick of pepperoni down there.
"What's the matter?" asked Mary. "There are other guy's waiting. And a few girls as well, I'm glad to see."
"I... errr... I... want to buy another kiss," I responded, putting down another fiver.
"Well, why didn't you say so?" she smiled. "I'm always glad when a customer is so pleased he comes back for seconds!"
Our lips pressed together once more, and our tongues returned to their play. But it wasn't helping my situation. My cock was even stiffer than before. I couldn't stop thinking about all of the other things that Mary's lips were capable of doing.
"I'm sorry," I told her when we pulled apart. "I have a problem."
"A problem? What's that?" she wanted to know.
I beckoned her to turn her ear towards me.
"I have a boner," I whispered. "I'm afraid to leave or people will see it. It could be very embarrassing."
"Let's have a look," she said.
I stood back a little bit, but not enough for anyone else to see the front of my jeans.
"That is quite prominent," she agreed, trying hard not to smirk.
"Can't I just wait here, pretending to chat with you, until it goes down?" I wanted to know.
"No," she replied. "There are loads of other customers behind you, and they are getting restless."
"What can I do?" I asked.
"The only way you can stay there is to buy another kiss," she explained.
So I did.
"How many kisses does one guy need?" asked the exasperated guy behind me.
Of course it did no good. This boner was never going to go away as long as I kept kissing Mary.
"Look, Mary," I pleaded in desperation, "how much do I have to pay to keep kissing you all afternoon?"
"Well," she replied, giving the question due consideration. "You would have to pay an amount that would not just include the cost of that many kisses, but also compensation for loss of good will due to the turning away of all those other customers."
"Can you give me a ballpark figure?" I asked.
"Let's say $5000," she decided.
"Will you take a check?" I asked.
So if you ever visit Cervantes University and you see the brightly coloured wind tower which stands beside the science lab, just remember that it's erection was paid for by my erection.