Woody Allen once said that sex was the most fun he'd ever had without laughing. But laughing and sex are not mutually exclusive. Horniness brings on undignified behaviour, and it is all the more fun if we are in on the joke. This blog is a celebration of the funny side of sex and the sexy side of humour. As an author of erotic stories I like to show that sex is more fun when it is playful and silly.

You can find my humorous erotic ebooks on I-Tunes, Kobo, Barnes & Noble and Smashwords. They are always free!!!

Sunday, July 15, 2012

The Erotic Office : Episode One

This is the first part of a proposed serial I created on my old Yahoo erotic story group. I only ever ended up writing two episodes. But, who knows, if you like it there could always be more.

The Erotic Office : Episode One

Sue-Anne from Girls Out West

Today was my first day in my new job. And what a day it was. As I lay here in bed I can't sleep. The prospect of going in to work tomorrow fills me with nervous excitement. And no matter how much I wank off as I thinking about what happened today my cock just gets stiff again.

My new job is assistant editor of Herotica magazine. I'm the first man to be employed in their offices. And it is a real change from working for The Horse Racing Gazette, my previous employers.

It is very hard to keep my mind on work when my fellow workers are glamourous women who spend all day writing erotic stories or articles, taking photos of naked men, or looking at them as they work on the layouts for the magazine.

Of course, having seen the male models who appear in the magazine, I didn't expect any of the women to pay much attention to someone as shy and unprepossessing as myself.

Everyone seems a little bit afraid of the boss, Cheryl. She is a tall, buxom redhead who was wearing a tight black skirt with a sl it up the side, and a matching tailored vest with one extra button undone to show off her spectacular cleavage.

Cheryl has her own office, while the rest of us sit at desks in another larger room. A secretary by the name of Nicole sits at the desk across from my own. She was wearing a very short bright red mini-skirt and I noticed that sometimes I could see her white panties when she crossed or uncrossed her legs.

Dandy from Girls Out West

When I arrived at work Cheryl introduced me to all of the rest of the staff and gave me some time to sort out my desk. After I'd done that and had a cup of tea, she asked me to come into her office.

"I always answer the letters to the magazine myself," she explained, handing me a pile of envelopes that was sitting on her desk. "Read them to me and take down my replies. Then you can get Nicole to type them up."

"O.K.," I replied, sitting down.

The first few letters were just comments on stories or photos which the writer had enjoyed. Cheryl picked a sample couple for publication, but didn't feel they needed any reply published with them."

"'I'm 45 years old and have never had an orgasm...'" I read from the next letter.

"Ah," Cheryl responded, and began dictating a response : "Many women who find it difficult to orgasm while making love, find it helps to practise when they are alone. There are many different approaches to masturbation that you can try. Look at our advertisements to find many well-designed vibrators which may help you. I myself like to masturbate in the shower. A detachable shower head turned up to a high level of pressure and played in a circle around the clitoris...David, are you all right?"

"F-f-f-fine," I stuttered, going very red in the face.

"Oh, dear, you're not embarrassed, are you?" she continued with a mixture of impatience and amusement. "Sex is what we write about in this magazine. You are going to have to get used to it."

"I'm sure I will," I responded. "But it is my first day, and we didn't publish anything like this in the The Horse Racing Review."

"I'm glad to hea r it," she replied with a wry smile. "Now where were we?"

"We were masturbating in the shower...errr, that is...you were masturbating in the shower..." I stammered.

"Oh, yes," she said, and a dreamy far-away look came into her eyes. "Well, I think that should take care of that letter. On to the next."

"'I've been married to my husband for 20 years now, and I can't seem to get him interested in sex anymore. All he wants to do is to watch football on television...'" I began reading.

"Well, you might be able to come up with a better answer to this one than I can," she suggested. "If you and I had been married to each other for 20 years, what could I do to get you excited?"

"Well...." I said, taken aback by the question.

"Do you like nude erotic massage? Watching sexy videos? Would you like me to suck your cock?"  she asked, getting up and walking around her desk.

I quickly dropped the pile of letters I was holding into my lap, in a vain attempt to conceal my rampant erection.

"Don't tell me you have a ha rd-on already," she laughed. "You are way to easy to please. But it is going to be fun having you around. Now just come up with some answer to that last letter and we will leave it there for this issue. If you do find anything interesting in the other letters, let me know, but we really don't need any more."

I stood up, rather painfully aware of the lump in the front of my trousers.

"Now shoo, before the temptation to relieve you of your obvious virginity distracts me from my work," she told me with a naughty smirk. She slapped me playfully on the ass on my way out, but I decided not to report her to the Sexual Harassment Bureau.

I couldn't see why everyone was so scared of her. She seemed very friendly to me.

I'm sure that all the women in the office could see that I had a stiffy as I quickly dumped the letters on my desk and made my way to the toilet.

The office was much older than the magazine that it housed, so, even though all of the staff had been women up until my arrival, there was still a men's and women's toilet. The men's was the first one one came to in the short corridor that led off of the main office.

I kind of like the idea of having a whole toilet to myself, I thought, as I entered one of the cubicles. There was no need to latch the cubicle door.

I already had my pants around my ankles and had set my stiff cock free, before I noticed that there were pictures of nude men stuck to the walls. Hmmmmm, that was a bit strange. But I didn't let it stop me from what I was there for.

I sat back as comfortably as I could, closed my eyes and began stroking my cock.

In my fantasy the whole of the staff were going off on the office picnic. Cheryl was squeezed up tight against me in the front seat of the bus as it bumped along a country road.

After a while a sign came up on the right - "Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 3 miles ahead."

"You don't mind, do you?" Cheryl asked. "We always go here for our picnic."

"No," I replied. "That's fine."

When we arrived at the picnic spot, all of the women and I tumble d out of the bus. The blanket was laid on the grass and all the baskets of food and bottles of wine unpacked.

And then the women began removing all of their clothes. Dresses were unzipped and pulled over heads. Slacks were unzipped and pulled down. Sexy see-through bras and panties came into view along with lots of pink flesh.

"Come on, David," they said. "Get your gear off."

I stroked my cock ever more furiously as I imagined myself removing my shirt and kicking off my shoes as round soft breasts tumbled out of flimsy bras and tight panties were pulled down over hairy pussies and round pink spankable bottoms. I almost spurted as I imagined Cheryl seductively sliding out of her panties.

Girls Out West - Xmas Orgy 2011

"Come, come. Don't be shy," she purred, as, stark naked, she sidled up beside me and undid my belt. Then the other women gathered around me too, and I felt soft fingers caressing my chest and back, and helping Cheryl to pull down my pants. Then my underpants followed and all the women were visibly drooling as they saw my s tiff cock spring into view.

"Food before sex," Cheryl ordered, although all of the women caressed my cock briefly before sitting down under the trees with their legs casually open.

I was so caught up in my fantasy that I didn't hear the outer door open and close. I wasn't aware I had company until the cubicle door swung open just as I let go and shot a stream of hot cum high into the air.

When I opened my eyes they were looking straight into hers. It was.......

To be continued...

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