Woody Allen once said that sex was the most fun he'd ever had without laughing. But laughing and sex are not mutually exclusive. Horniness brings on undignified behaviour, and it is all the more fun if we are in on the joke. This blog is a celebration of the funny side of sex and the sexy side of humour. As an author of erotic stories I like to show that sex is more fun when it is playful and silly.

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Saturday, October 22, 2011

Sleeping Beauty and Prince Pervert : A Sunday Snog

The Sunday Snog is an institution created by Victoria Blisse. The idea is to post a snogging scene from one of your books (or create a new one). For more information check out her blog. Today's snog is an original.

Sleeping Beauty and Prince Pervert

Once upon a time, Prince Pervert was riding his mighty black steed through the magic forest, when he came to a large clearing. There, in the middle of the open space, dappled by the golden rays of sunlight which filtered down through the leaves, lay the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She lay upon a bed of stone which was carved to support each curve of her very curvy body. And she was dressed in the opulent gown of a princess.

This was Sleeping Beauty. Many years before a witch had put a curse on her that she would sleep for eternity, unless a prince should kiss her upon the lips.

"Wake up, Miss," said the Prince, shaking Beauty's shoulder. She made no response. The Prince could feel that she was alive. He could feel her pulse. But she seemed to be in some kind of coma.

"This is a situation I can turn to my advantage," the evil Prince said to himself. His nickname had not come to him for no reason. He had earned it by his many depraved actions.

Much as he admired Beauty's dress, he was more keen to admire what lay beneath it, and so he slowly stripped her naked, lovingly fondling each newly revealed expanse of soft, pale flesh. She had the most gorgeous breasts, like big scoops of vanilla ice-cream topped with strawberries. She had a gently curving belly with a cute little button in the middle. And her pussy lips were fat and pink, decorated by a forest of pubes which shone in the sun like spun gold. And her sleep must have been accompanied by sexy dreams, because a creamy juice leaked from between them. The Prince gently turned her over to admire the peachy cheeks of her snow white bottom. And he kissed it gently. There was nothing of roughness in his behaviour, shameless pervert that he was. He would spy on women when they thought they were fucking or masturbating unobserved, he would expose himself to nuns,  he would masturbate into old lady's panties and then put them back on the clothesline, but physical violence was abhorrent to him.

"If she's in a coma," surmised the Prince, "she's not going to know anything about it if I fuck her. It'll do her no harm and me a lot of good, since seeing her naked body has made my cock quite painfully stiff."

And so he stripped naked and mounted Sleeping Beauty. Her slippery pussy seemed to welcome his hot and throbbing prick as he slid it home with a sigh of satisfaction.

The fact that she made no response, but lay limply beneath him, would have been off-putting to a lesser man. But when something felt sick or wrong, to Prince Pervert that just added to the appeal. And soon he was arching his back and shooting his load deep within Beauty's warm and wet, if unresponsive, pussy.

"Thank you, Miss, for giving me such pleasure on this fine morning," said the Prince, rhetorically.

Then he made a big mistake. Looking down at Beauty's plump ruby red lips, he decided that he should top off his pleasures by pressing his own lips against them. Still naked, he bent down, slid his hand gently beneath her flaxen hair and brought his moustachioed lips down upon hers. The feel of those sweet lips against his was a pleasure which eclipsed that of her other lips against his cock. There was magic in that kiss.

And then the Prince's heart nearly stopped in shock, when Beauty's sapphire blue eyes shot opened, and her lips also opened, allowing her soft wet tongue to invade his mouth. Beauty was quite the snogger.

But then, as they pulled away from each other, she looked down at the Prince's body with some shock.

"Why are you naked!?!" she cried. "And why is your cock dripping with cum?" And then she looked down her own body. "And why am I naked!?! And why is there cum all over my pussy?"

"It's not what it looks like," replied the Prince desperately.

"You fucked me, didn't you!?!" screamed Beauty. "You prick!!! You fucked a girl in a coma!!!!" Then she grabbed the Prince by his ornate collar and slapped his face hard. And then she used her other hand and slapped him equally hard with that one.

The Prince leapt to his feet and ran off into the forest with the naked Beauty in hot pursuit. Since she had been asleep for 20 years, she was well-rested, while the Prince was all worn out from fucking her. So quite quickly he collapsed against a tree and she caught up with him. She kicked his shins, she punched him in the face, and she even slapped his cock.

"Oh, yeah," moaned the Prince. "Hit me more. Hit me more. I love it." And sure enough his cock was growing really stiff once more. He really was an all around pervert.

"It's very, very wrong to fuck a girl while she is asleep," Beauty insisted. "A gentleman always wakes a girl up first so that she can enjoy it too."

"I didn't know I could wake you up," pleaded the Prince.

"Ignorance is no excuse," Beauty told him, smacking the head of his cock so that it waved back and forth like a metronome.

"I'm truly sorry," replied the Prince, and he meant it.

"You know that I could tell your Fairy Godmother," warned Beauty. "And she would probably turn you into a pumpkin."

"How did you know I have a Fairy Godmother?" asked the Prince.

"Don't be silly," she responded. "Everyone has a Fairy Godmother."

"Well, mine is already pissed at me," the Prince confessed. "So please don't tell her."

"I think you can make things up to me," replied Beauty with an evil smile. "There are three things I really love - having my titties sucked and my clit licked ; perving at gorgeous men like yourself in the nude ; and being gangbanged. So, if you promise to orally pleasure me at least five times a day, never wear any clothes and invite your friends over every Friday night for a gangbang, you can marry me and take me back to live in your palace. If you don't your Fairy Godmother will have the whole story."

The Prince pretended that Beauty was striking a hard bargain. But, really, the only thing that was hard was his cock as he anticipated their life together.

And so they lived sleazily ever after.

The End


  1. You're mind is a strange and twisted place! I'll never be able to watch sleeping Beauty in the same way again!