Woody Allen once said that sex was the most fun he'd ever had without laughing. But laughing and sex are not mutually exclusive. Horniness brings on undignified behaviour, and it is all the more fun if we are in on the joke. This blog is a celebration of the funny side of sex and the sexy side of humour. As an author of erotic stories I like to show that sex is more fun when it is playful and silly.
You can find my humorous erotic ebooks on I-Tunes, Kobo, Barnes & Noble and Smashwords. They are always free!!!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Cop a Feel Day : Fuck Me Friday
Thank Fuck it's Friday! Well, no, actually, it's Saturday, because I'm late with my story. Fuck Me Friday is a writing challenge created by Aisling Weaver. Check her site for the rest of the entries :
Cop a Feel Day
Maxi-Mart was a very popular supermarket chain, and the branch in the seaside suburb of Glenrose was always busy. But it had never been so busy as it was today. Because today was Cop a Feel Day, a day during which customers could "cop a feel" of the sexy staff in return for a donation to a charity which was helping the homeless. The staff always looked forward to Cop a Feel Day. It sure broke up the monotony of working the checkouts and stacking the shelves.
Bev's checkout line was longer than everyone else's. That was just something that happened on these days. Bev had a big soft pair of boobs which were a real delight to squeeze through her pale blue cotton uniform.
Finally it was time for Gareth to pay for his container of orange juice.
"Hi, Gareth," she greeted him cheerfully. "Come to grope my goodies, have you?"
"You bet," he replied. "My favourite day of the whole month." He slipped a $20 note into the collection box.
"Have a treat for being so generous," she told him, unzipping her uniform and letting him fondle the soft bare flesh of her bosom where it spilled out of her lacy bra."
"That was awesome!" he exclaimed.
"Did you pop a boner?" she asked cheekily.
"I sure did," he replied.
"Then you go home and play with it on me, honey," she told him, as she turned to serve the next customer.
Alex was bending down to pack the bottom shelf with tins of beans when an attractive middle-aged redhead in a denim skirt came up behind him and squeezed his butt cheeks.
"You have to make a donation," he explained, turning towards her.
"Off course," she responded, pulling out her purse.
Alex had a bit of a thing for cougars. He liked the look of this lady.
"If you make it $50," he told her, "I'll let you put your hand down the front of my pants and feel my bare cock." It wasn't so much a generous offer on his part, as a gambit to reach half way to heaven for him. All the way would have been to have her pull his cock right out of his pants and wank him off over the pile of baked bean tins. But there were limits to what management would allow.
"You really know the way to a chick's heart," she smiled, putting the money in the tin and sliding her slim cool hand down his jeans and onto his hot hard cock. She left it there as long as she could, and when she pulled it back out the tips of her fingers were wet with pre-cum. She licked them off and then wrote her name and address and phone number on the back of her shopping list and handed it to him. "Feel free to come over to my place some time," she told him, "then I'll show you the way to a chick's cunt."
Alex couldn't believe his luck. That was one offer he'd definitely be taking up.
Terence had always fancied Penny, so he made a bee-line for her check out. He place a $100 note in the collection box.
"Wow!" cried Penny, blushing at the compliment. "I should really suck you off for a donation that big, but unfortunately that's against the rules."
"You're worth all the gold in China!" exclaimed Terence. He looked into her eyes and let out a sigh of adoration. Then he squeezed her small firm tits through her uniform.
"I've got to give you more," insisted Penny. "Want to spank me?"
"On the bare arse?" he asked, hopefully.
"No, unfortunately we aren't allowed to bare any intimate flesh," Penny informed him regretfully. Then she brightened up. "But I can lift my skirt and let you slide your hand down the back of my panties. If your finger goes in my butt hole or right under and up my twat I promise not to press charges."
So Terence reached over the counter and slid his hand down the back of her white Cottontails. He spent a couple of minutes playing with her warm wrinkled little butthole and slid his fingers in and out of her slippery wet pussy. It was tantalising, but ultimately frustrating, for them both.
"Maybe we could get together for a drink sometime," suggested Terence.
"I don't drink," Penny informed him. "But a fuck would be great!" She wrote her details on the back of a store business card.
At the end of the day they had raised $10,000 for the homeless.
Carol, the manageress, a leggy blonde in her forties counted up the takings in the back room as the staff filed in for debriefing. It wasn't just their briefs they took off though, it was everything.
"Seeing people being so generous to those less fortunate makes me so horny!" exclaimed Bev, masturbating her juicy cunt shamelessly as she watched the others strip. She was a big girl all over - tits, bum and heart. She couldn't wait to share herself with her horny work mates. By now they were all nude. Penny was doing a gogo dance, shaking her pink jiggly bottom and bouncing boobs. Alex was watching and stroking his stiff cock appreciatively. Samantha, an emo girl who worked the smallgoods section bent down to suck off Kent the delivery man. Kent hadn't been part of the charity activities, but he was always keen to join in staff social activities, especially when those activities involved filling the mouth of a girl half his age with jism.
When Carol had finished counting the money she stripped off and walked over to Alex, grabbing him by the cock and dragging him over to the side of the room.
"If you want that raise you're after," she growled, "then you better eat the boss's cunt." Alex didn't really need any bribe to go down on the sexy Carol. Which was a good thing, because Carol had no intention of actually giving him a raise. Not in his pay anyway.