Woody Allen once said that sex was the most fun he'd ever had without laughing. But laughing and sex are not mutually exclusive. Horniness brings on undignified behaviour, and it is all the more fun if we are in on the joke. This blog is a celebration of the funny side of sex and the sexy side of humour. As an author of erotic stories I like to show that sex is more fun when it is playful and silly.

You can find my humorous erotic ebooks on I-Tunes, Kobo, Barnes & Noble and Smashwords. They are always free!!!

Friday, June 10, 2011

The Sex Signal : Fuck Me Friday


What day is it I hear you ask? It's Fuck Me Friday! Time to listen to another one of the Scribbler's filthy stories. That is if you can listen with your eyes. If you can't, maybe you'd better read it instead.

Make sure to check out Aisling Weaver's site to read the other contributions and let the writers know how much you love them with a little feedback.

The Sex Signal




It was 5.26 PM on a Friday afternoon. The location was a packed commuter bus in a major city.

The girl was a university student. She was short but shapely with frizzy red hair and glasses. She was wearing a cream cardigan stretched tightly over her full bosom. Her loose navy skirt didn't quite come down to her pale and freckled knees. She was leafing through a magazine and nodding her head gently in time to the beat of the music she was listening to on her I-Pod.

The man, who was sitting in the seat next to her, was a business man in his forties. He was quite good-looking but with the air of dullness that comes from an up-tight all-business personality. He was reading The Financial Times.

The first sign that something was wrong was that the girl started to play with the hem of her skirt, pulling it up and down her thigh in a way that intermittently uncovered a little more thigh flesh than was quite proper during rush hour on a bus.

The businessman tried to concentrate on his paper, but he was only human and his eyes kept drifting back to the girl's pale freckled thigh.

She pulled the earphone out of her right ear - the one next to the businessman - and turned to look at him. When he met her eye she smiled sweetly. She left the other earphone in place.

The news magazine she'd been flicking through was open to a picture of the marriage of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

"I don't believe in the monarchy," she said casually to the businessman, "but I'd suck his cock."

"I beg your pardon?" stammered the businessman, unable to believe his ears.

"I'd take it all the way to the back of my throat," she explained. "I can practically feel his throbbing cock veins against my tongue now."

"Are you on some kind of medication?" asked the nervous man.

"No," repled the girl simply, as she lifted her skirt around her waist and stuck her hand down inside her visibly damp pink cotton panties.

"Well, you should be," he told her.


By now some of the people in surrounding seats were beginning to notice that she was behaving strangely. Mostly they tried to ignore it. It was better not to get involved.

"God, I love having a long slow wank," she sighed. "Of course I'm a total perv. It's a wonder I get any studying done when there is so much awesome porn on the internet to jill off to. What about you? Ever wank off to internet porn? I bet you're into dominatrixes. You look the type. Why don't you pull your dick out? I can see that its stiff. We'll have a wanking contest. If you shoot your shot before I cum I'll lick it all up no matter where it lands."

"This is a public place," insisted the man, feeling his face burning red and the sweat pouring down into his shirt collar. "People are looking."

"I can't help it if they're uptight," she said, unbuttoning her cardigan and blouse and lifting her large pale breasts out of her bra so that she could play with her big pink nipples with one hand while continuing to wank with the other. "You have to have fun in this life and not be intimidated by blue noses."

"Just because someone is not a mentally deranged slut doesn't mean they're a blue nose," insisted a young woman sitting across the aisle. "Driver you need to ring the police. Or an ambulance. I don't know which, but there's a woman here who's going crazy and doing obscene things."

The driver pulled over to the side of the road and stopped the bus, and half the male passengers started craning their necks and trying to move forward.

"Keep back! Keep back!" cried the bus driver. "No need to panic."

The girl was now standing in the aisle, bent over with her skirt up and her bare ass in the air as she unzipped the business man's pants, wrenched them down and pulled his stiff cock out of his underwear.

"This isn't my doing!" insisted the businessman as she began sucking his cock. "I don't want this! But I'm a pacifist. I can't bring myself to fight back. Especially against a woman. Violence just wouldn't solve anything."

"I've rung the police," the driver informed him. "But I'm not trained for security matters. It's outside my job description to try to restrain deranged passengers. But, believe me, I'm watching everything that happens closely. I'll be able to describe it accurately in court."

This was not an isolated incident. All over the world people were losing their sexual inhibitions to a frightening degree. But not everyone. It depended on what they had been listening to.

*          *          *

Jennifer was bored with the party. She was chatting with Susan about cake recipes. Every so often she would look away while pretending to listen. She looked over at Michael. He was a bit of a spunk. A pity he was so dull. All he ever wanted to talk about was his car. Tony was getting a drink from the fridge. She could swear he totally checked out Tabitha's butt in those tight jeans as he walked past her, but he was pretty subtle about it. Maybe things would pick up a bit later once they'd all had a few more drinks.

But now she needed to extricate herself from her conversation with Susan and go have a pee.

As she pulled down her panties and sat down on the toilet she contemplated her situation in life. She had all the things she had hoped to have by this time in her life. She had a good job as a hospital receptionist. She was married to Tony, who was a decent enough guy. Although he was usually busy with work, he'd make time to spend with her, maybe a dinner out or a movie. Their two kids were doing all right at school. They weren't delinquents. They're grades were acceptable.


Enthusiasm though, that was what was missing. That passionate fire in the belly. And her sex life with Tony. It was enjoyable enough, but it wasn't all that exciting any more. She came when they had sex, but her heart didn't beat like it was going to burst out of her chest like it did back when they were teenagers. She supposed it was like that for everybody.

As she came out of the bathroom she wondered why Michael was looking in her direction. He quickly looked away as if he'd been doing something he shouldn't.

"Let's liven the music up a bit," suggested Graham, picking up the I-Pod that was plugged into the speaker system and selecting a different album. "Let's listen to the new Percy and the Parasites album."

Percy and the Parasites were a somewhat campy retro pop band whose output was silly but decidedly danceable. For the first few tracks everyone grooved along to the happy music. But when the speakers began to blast out a song called Panty Party something strange happened. This was the same track that was playing on the I-Pod of the girl on the bus just as she started playing with the hem of her dress.

Michael came over and sat next to Jennifer.

"That's a lovely dress your wearing," he said.

"It's not like you to compliment me on my clothes," Jennifer pointed out.

"What I'd really like to do is to compliment you on what's underneath them," he told her.

"I beg your pardon?" she asked, with a nervous giggle.

"I bet you have a lovely pink pussy," he continued. "Do you shave it or leave it all nice and hairy."

"How would you like me to ask you how big your cock is? And whether you woke up with a rock hard boner this morning?" she responded, astounded at what was coming out of her own mouth.

"I've got a boner now, I can tell you that much," he told her, grabbing her hand and pushing it down onto the lump in the front of his trousers. "I think about you when I'm alone. I think about you and I masturbate. I stroke my stiff cock while I imagine you squatting down and pissing all over my body."

"What the fuck?!?" cried Jennifer. "I don't know if I want to piss on you. I'd rather feel your stiff prick in here." She lifted her dress and grabbed the damp crotch of her panties.

Michael unzipped his pants and pulled out his stiff cock.

"Oh, my God, Michael's got his cock out!" laughed his wife, Tabitha. "Well, if he's going to wank off in front of everyone, then I'm going to stick a zucchini up my ass!"

"And a lovely ass it is," said Tony, sinking to his knees and nuzzling his face into it, before licking up the seam that covered her arse crack.

"Look at me, everyone!" cried Graham, stripping off all of his clothes and waving his erection at the women. Then he sat down on the sofa and used his stiff cock as a catapult to shoot salted peanuts into his mouth.

"I'll give you a lap dance like you'd never believe, honey," purred Susan, coming up behind him and running her hands all over his hairy chest. "As long as you promise to grope my tits and ass and finger my cunt. And when I'm nude I'll give you a tug job until you spurt jizz all over my face."

"I want to see that!" cried Tabitha, who was now nude and slipping a zucchini lubricated with margarine into the tight embrace of her pink butt hole, while Tony watched and wanked.
"Look at her!" cried Jennifer, spreading her labia and displaying her wet hole. "She's my pink, wet pride and joy and she wants cocks and lots of them! I wonder how long it would take to get fucked by every guy in the world?" she wondered.

"Well you can start with me," Michael responded, sliding his achingly stiff member deep into her wet warmth.

And it went on like that. Graham spurted over Susan's face. Tabitha licked it up while Tony spread her cheeks and licked her asshole. And after Jennifer and Michael had finished fucking, Jennifer needed to pee again so she dragged Michael in with her to watch.

*          *          *

The alien diplomats were gathered in the Oval Office. The leader looked at the President of the United States through a set of four large glossy black eyes and fidgeted with one of his sixteen pairs of tentacles while fanning the rest out in a gesture intended to indicate confidence and magnanimity.

"If you agree to all of our demands we will undo the brainwashing and allow you to go back to repressing your sexuality and living orderly, productive, structured lives," offered the leader.

"And we would want that why?" asked the President, who was groping the breasts of two of his nude secretaries, while fucking a hot blonde reporter and enjoying the sensation of having his wife slide her lubed fingers up his ass.

"We could possibly have planned this conquest attempt a little better," admitted the leader to one of his underlings.

The End

2 comments:

  1. Haha, cheers AussieScribbler!
    I always love your character descriptions... such cute, fuzzy people that then turn into the naughtiest, funniest sluts!
    -x-

    ReplyDelete
  2. 'Funny as fuck' certainly is a good way to describe your blog Scribbler! hahahah. Another screamer, good work my friend!. :)

    ReplyDelete