Woody Allen once said that sex was the most fun he'd ever had without laughing. But laughing and sex are not mutually exclusive. Horniness brings on undignified behaviour, and it is all the more fun if we are in on the joke. This blog is a celebration of the funny side of sex and the sexy side of humour. As an author of erotic stories I like to show that sex is more fun when it is playful and silly.
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Sunday, August 28, 2011
Rules of the Island : A Sunday Snog
Victoria Blisse has created a new institution know as the Sunday Snog. You can find out more about it (and find links to other contributions) at her blog. Basically, the idea is to post a kissing extract from one of your stories (or perhaps write a new one for the occasion.) Mine comes from my unfinished novel Vanessa's Island. If you hunt around you can find more of it posted on this blog.
Rules of the Island
Vanessa started the water running in the bath, while I looked around her bedroom. She had a big, double bed in the middle with a large floral quilt thrown over it. I examined the titles on her small bookshelf. Literary classics, reference books, romances by herself and a few competitors, The Joy of Sex...I looked at the few photos of family, friends, herself as a child and at college.
Then a piece of paper on her bedside table caught my eye. It was some kind of hand-written notes.
“Oh, don’t look at that,” said Vanessa anxiously, as she came out of the bathroom. She tried to snatch it out of my hand but I hid it behind me.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Oh, all right,” conceded Vanessa. “When I was thinking about asking you to move in, I started to think up some rules of the household. Then I got a bit carried away and dreamed that we would be establishing a new sexy utopia. So I came up with my Rules of the Island. It was just a bit of fun.”
“Let’s see,” I said, reading her notes:
“’Rule 1: No clothing to be warn at any time, except sexy lingerie.’
“But I don’t look very good in lingerie,” I commented.
“That’s for me, silly,” she explained. “All the better to tease you with. Anyway, I like the slippery, silky feeling against my skin. But don’t worry, you can pull my panties down anytime you like.”
My prick, which had been only half-erect up until now, became rock-hard at this thought.
“Here ye, here ye, here ye,” proclaimed Vanessa in a deep voice, “all gentlemen present who wish to adopt motion one please raise your cocks.” Smiling down at my rampant stiffy, Vanessa’s voice changed back to normal. “Oh, goody! Motion carried unanimously.”
“Moving right along,” I continued.
“’Rule 2. All indoor bathing is to be communal, in the interested of water conservation.’
“I think we’ve already decided on that one,” I said. “Which reminds me, one of us had better turn that water off before it overflows.”
“Woops. Almost forgot,” cried Vanessa, her juicy bottom jiggling deliciously as she ran back into the bathroom. “Water’s ready,” she said, when she emerged. “Let’s read the rest in the tub. It doesn’t matter if the paper gets wet. I have it commited to memory.”
“I bet you do, you naughty girl,” I laughed, giving her a playful slap on the butt.
“You get in first,” she said, pouring in some aromatic bath oils.
I lowered myself slowly into the water, relishing the warm wetness as it engulfed me. A delicious languidness swept through my being.
“Come on in,” I said to Vanessa, “the water’s wonderful.”
She stept over the side of the bath and gently placed her right foot next to my left thigh. With her other foot positioned in a similar position on the other side, and her hands on the sides of the bath, she slowly lowered herself into the water. I loved the way her legs spread casually in front of me as she squatted down revealing her sweet pussy lips for a moment before they sank beneath the water. At last her soft bottom came to rest on my feet.
“Is that all right?” she asked. “My bum on your feet doesn’t bother you, does it?”
“No,” I said. “I love it, because I can do this.”
I pulled my right foot out from under her bum and used my big toe to tickle her pussy.
“Mmmmmmmmm,” she said. “Motion two was definitely a good idea.”
“Let’s have a look at Rule 3,” I suggested, reading from the piece of paper which I had propped up in the soap tray.
“’Rule 3: A daily tax is to be paid by the subjects of the island (David and Vanessa) to the rulers of the island (David and Vanessa) in the form of kisses, which can be deposited on any part of the body that either subject or ruler should request. Amount not to fall below 50 kisses per day. And no fair kissing yourself.’
“Sounds good to me,” I said. “Let’s see how it works in practise. Loyal subject David requests to deliver his first payment to Queen Vanessa’s lovely bottom."
“You would ask for something difficult,” complained Queen Vanessa, as she stood up, giving me a scrumptious view of her wet nakedness. Turning around carefully, she bent down slightly. I knelt up, pushing my stiffness against the back of her leg, as I buried my face in the soft, milkiness of her left butt cheek and planted a kiss there.
“Now it’s your turn,” I said, as she lowered herself back into the water facing me.
“All right,” she said. “Loyal subject Vanessa requests to kiss King David on the lips.”
“Sounds good to me,” I replied.
“You don’t get a say in it,” Vanessa explained. “All requests, from subjects or royalty have to be obeyed regardless. We may have a king and queen, but this is a utopia, which means that everybody has the same rights. Now if I’m going to kiss you on the lips you are going to have to come closer.”
I slid my bum down the bath, pulling Vanessa towards me as I did so. This led to her sitting right in my lap, straddling my hard cock, with her soft, slippery, soapy boobs sliding all over my chest. For the first time, my cock slid deep into the warm wetness of her pussy, as her soft lips met mine. I was in heaven, but only for a moment.
“That was delicious,” said Vanessa as she slid back down the bath. “But there’s no room to fuck properly in a bath. That will have to wait. Now for royal decrees. Queen Vanessa requests that loyal subject David kiss her left nipple.”
I knelt up and placed my lips on Vanessa nipple. I sucked it gently between them and played with it with my tongue.
“Mmmm,” said Queen Vanessa, “I might just have to knight you for that one. Now it’s your turn.”
“Ummmm,” I said. “I don’t know what place to pick.”
“Where do you want it most, David?” asked Vanessa, with a smile. “I think you’re thinking of somewhere, but you’re embarrassed to say it. Now be honest. I’ll know if you’re not. What was the first thought that crossed your mind.”
“All right,” I said, resignedly. “King David requests that loyal subject Nessa kiss the end of his dick.”
“I knew it,” said Vanessa, “there’s no sense trying to hide anything from me. That was the first thing you thought about when you read rule 3 wasn’t it?”
“Well,” I pleaded, “a guy’s only human. And you really don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”
“Don’t be silly,” said Vanessa, “I love kissing dicks. It’s only your lack of imagination I’m poking fun at. There’s loads of other lovely places to be kissed, too. Now we better stick him under the tap and wash the soap suds off, so I can kiss him properly.”
Once this had been done, I knelt up, while Vanessa, holding my prick loosely with her right hand, bent down and wrapped her tender lips around my glans, at the same time lapping the tip gently with her tongue.
“Oh, yeah,” I sighed.
“So I take it Motion 3 is carried,” Vanessa asked as we sat down again.
“Definitely,” I agreed.