Time to Fold : Wank Wednesday

Today's Wank Wednesday prompt word is #paper. To find out more about this writing challenge and to find the links to the other stories check out Ruby Kiddell's Erotic Notebook.

Time to Fold

Journal of Eccentric Sporting Tournaments (JEST), October 2011

An Interview with Sam Kensington, World Champion in the Art of Freestyle Erotogami (The Ancient Japanese Art of Sexually Explicit Paper Folding), 1970-75.

JEST : Paper folding isn't a physically demanding sport, so why retire in your mid-sixties?

Sam Kensington : That's where you'd be wrong. Sure it doesn't take strength, but it takes precision. And the truth is that I haven't folded paper publicly since I lost the championship to my future wife in Tokyo in 1975.

JEST : But you have continued to be active in the sport as tactical support for your wife.

Sam Kensington : Exactly. So my decision to bow out is really her decision to bow out. She's retiring to concentrate on composing boogie concertos for the theremin. And I have no interest in working with any other folders.

JEST : Tell us how you did end up losing your title.

Sam Kensington : It was by default actually. An injury took me out of the competition.

JEST : An injury?

Sam Kensington : Yes, a rather nasty paper cut. Mildred beat out the rest of the competition. But let it be known that I have no doubt she would have beaten me. It was her first year of competition and she was, and has always been, a genius when it comes to making paper penises. My specialty, of course, was vaginas. And it was a conflict on this very issue which constituted our first intercourse. Verbal intercourse, of course.

JEST : She was not keen on your vaginas?

Sam Kensington : Well she thought they were too easy. 'Sam,' she said to me, 'it just won't do. That's just a salt cellar with one of the corner's bent over.' 'That's the clitoris,' I explained, 'and the two sides are the labia.' 'But the clitoris is in the wrong place and the whole thing is split two ways,' she insisted. 'Vagina's aren't.' 'Well,' I replied. 'It looks more like a vagina than it looks like a salt cellar.' 'Well, they never really did look like salt cellars, did they?' she agreed. 'I'm not sure where that came from.'

JEST : She specialised in penises?

Sam Kensington : That's right. All kinds of penises - flaccid, erect, circumcised - she could make them out of a single piece of paper. 'Sam,' she insisted, 'my penises don't come easy. Sometimes I have to work on them all day long.' I had to admit that they did make my vaginas look kind of wet by comparison.

JEST : And out of this argument over the relative artistic value of masculine vs. feminine paper genitalia sprang true love?

Sam Kensington : If our story had been a Hollywood movie, they would have described it as a "meet cute" beginning.

JEST : But you had a secret up your sleeve, even if you were out of the competition.

Sam Kensington : That's right. Of course the sensible thing would have been to keep it to myself and use it to win the next year. My secret was that I was not planning on making a vagina in the competition. The year before I'd made a secret trip to Hokkaido to meet with a Zen monk who knew the secret of single sheet copulation. It seems impossible, but it isn't. If you know the secret you can create a couple fucking doggy-style from a single uncut sheet of paper. Not only that but, when you pull on the sides of the figure, the man's penis goes in and out of her vagina and her eyes open wide each time this happens.

JEST : We wouldn't believe it if we hadn't seen it ourselves. But what convinced you to team up with Mildred Hatrack and let her take the honour of presenting single sheet copulation at the 1976 competition in New York?

Sam Kensington : Well, I had to admire her folding ability. But it was my admiration for something else which really brought us together. Mildred was one hot potato back then. Hell, she still is. Dress is kind of conservative in the world of paper folding, but it was pretty obvious there were some serious curves hidden beneath all those clothes. I didn't think I'd get a chance to find out though as the organisers of these contests are very conservative and discourage any fraternisation in the hotel rooms. We were staying an a very old-fashioned hotel in the middle of Tokyo. It was so old-fashioned in fact that it had traditional paper walls between the guest's rooms. When I noticed Mildred going into the room next to mine, I decided to do something very reckless, something of which I would be very ashamed if it hadn't been for the fact that it was a part of the process which led to my marriage.

JEST : What was it that you did?

Sam Kensington : I cut a small hole in the paper wall so that I could watch Mildred getting undressed. What I didn't realise was that a bright blue staring eye is pretty obvious when it is all that is breaking up an expanse of white paper and some brown wooden slats. She was onto me from the very start. But she'd taken a shine to me and she was also a bit of an exhibitionist on the quiet. So she pretended not to notice me watching her as she slowly undressed. I myself was already naked. And as she shed her clothes, I had to push my penis back firmly between my legs so that I could continue to stand close to the wall as it stiffened. It wasn't comfortable, but drinking in every detail of Mildred's gorgeous pale and curvy body was my main concern. Soon she was completely starkers, her big round boobs swinging loosely, her pink nipples erect and the gentle curve of her belly and thighs perfectly framing her hairy snatch. But she was determined to put on a show I could never forget, so no sooner was she naked than she lay back on her futon and began vigorously masturbating. That was my undoing.

JEST : That's when you fell in love with her?

Sam Kensington : No, that's when my stiff prick shot from between my thighs and ripped a huge hole through the paper wall.

JEST : How did she react to that?

Sam Kensington : She leapt to her feet, ran across the room and grabbed hold of my dick with both hands. 'Now I've got you, you little pervert!' she cried, but she couldn't stop herself from giggling. At first I wasn't sure what to do. She wasn't going to let go of my dick. I pulled back, but she held on for dear life. Then it occurred to me that I might as well take advantage of the situation.

JEST : How did you do that?

Sam Kensington : After I'd pulled my dick back as far as I could, I pushed it forward again. The loose skin was held tightly in her warm soft hands, but I could push it in and out, and derive quite some pleasure from doing so. 'Are you trying to get me to wank you off?' she asked. 'As long as you keep hanging on to me like that,' I replied, 'I don't see that you have a choice.' The next thing I knew I felt something stiff and wet rubbing around the head of my dick while she tugged on it. 'What's that?' I asked. 'It's the folded over bit on my salt cellar,' she chuckled. Well, it wasn't long before my cum was hanging off her pubes like tinsel on a Christmas tree. I know because she showed me through the big cum soaked hole that now acted as a window between our rooms. So that is how our relationship began. After that we decided to team up. She would do the folding and I would travel the globe looking for the most arcane and remarkable of folding techniques.

The End