Woody Allen once said that sex was the most fun he'd ever had without laughing. But laughing and sex are not mutually exclusive. Horniness brings on undignified behaviour, and it is all the more fun if we are in on the joke. This blog is a celebration of the funny side of sex and the sexy side of humour. As an author of erotic stories I like to show that sex is more fun when it is playful and silly.

You can find my humorous erotic ebooks on I-Tunes, Kobo, Barnes & Noble and Smashwords. They are always free!!!

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The Prurient Pickles of Penelope : Episode Three

Episode Three

Tramp on a Trampoline

What should Penelope do first? Rod Stroker was so far completely ignorant of the fact that he was living next door to a sexy woman who wanted to pander to his every forbidden desire, not to mention several he wouldn't even have until she suggested them.

She had to attract his attention.

Perhaps if he looked over the fence and saw her sunbathing in her back yard.

She looked at her fleshy naked body in the mirror and gave it a wiggle. If only she could sunbathe nude. It was so unfair that that wasn't allowed in suburbia. Hell, she wished she could just walk around the neighbourhood nude on a warm day. Being an exhibitionist it would make her feel so yummy. It would make her pussy really wet. And lots of guys would get stiff cocks which they could have so much fun playing with when they got home. If Penelope ruled the world it would be a happier place.

But she didn't, so she had to settle on a bikini. She dug one out of her bottom drawer which she hadn't worn in ten years. Black and white zebra stripes. She'd put on a few kilos since then, but she thought she could squeeze into it.

Sure enough she made it, though she had to tug hard. It didn't cover much. It pushed her big boobs up into a soft deep valley of cleavage. Her belly and hips bulged over the tight string that held the brief bottoms in place. And when she turned around, she could see that a couple of centimetres of butt-crack showed in the back. It looked obscene. Gloriously obscene. So obscene that she could just imagine Rod Stroker's hard cock bursting through a knothole in the fence at the sight of her.

She picked up her mobile phone and quickly took a couple of snaps of herself and sent them to Ahmed. She hoped he would share them with all his friends. She loved the idea of being the lust-object of licentious Libyans.

Next she picked up her portable speakers and her I-Pod and a tube of sunscreen, then she skipped out into her back yard. She set up her speakers and I-Pod, but didn't turn them on. There was plenty of time for that. Penelope had a trampoline in her backyard. It had been there when she moved in. Now she climbed up onto it and started covering herself with sunscreen.

The sun was soothing on her body and she soon fell asleep.

"...up to here with that fucking show," a man's voice came from across the fence. "I want a co-star that doesn't pee on me... Breath? Well, yes, he has better breath than Samantha. Eucalyptus. He eats nothing but gum leaves after all. But I had to kiss Samantha. I don't have to kiss Claude the koala... Mouth to mouth? You're fucking kidding me! Next episode? That's the final straw!"

It was Rod Stroker! Penelope went into action. She turned her I-Pod to "The Bad Touch" by Bloodhound Gang. Then she jumped up onto the trampoline and began bouncing and gyrating while singing along to the lyrics :

"You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel."

"Do you mind turning down that unholy racket?1?" Stroker cried, poking his head over the fence, his eyes shooting fire from above his sandy well-trimmed beard.

"Sorry, sir!" she apologised and turned off the music. "I'm such a big..." But his face was gone.

"Sorry about that," she heard him talking on the phone once more. "Some deranged bimbo next door..." His voice faded away as he went back into the house.

"Rod Stroker called me a 'bimbo'," Penelope sighed as she came in her bikini bottoms.

Where will Penelope's infatuation take her now? Find out next time!

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