Woody Allen once said that sex was the most fun he'd ever had without laughing. But laughing and sex are not mutually exclusive. Horniness brings on undignified behaviour, and it is all the more fun if we are in on the joke. This blog is a celebration of the funny side of sex and the sexy side of humour. As an author of erotic stories I like to show that sex is more fun when it is playful and silly.

You can find my humorous erotic ebooks on I-Tunes, Kobo, Barnes & Noble and Smashwords. They are always free!!!

Friday, April 1, 2011

Health, the Bible and You : Part 5 - Jesus Recommends Carrot Juice

There's nothing sexy in this little piece I found in my archives, but it makes me laugh so I'm posting it anyway.

An introduction to the secret dietary meaning of the Scriptures.

We all know that Jesus was a big believer in exercise. "If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles," He said. (Matt. 5:41) But what were his views on diet?

While Jesus sometimes practised fasting (see Health, the Bible and You : Part 4 - The Amazing Soul-Cleansing Diet), and was not a believer in large portions (note the feeding of five thousand people with only five loaves and two fish), He did say much about the importance of eating healthy food.

Many believe that the Carbohydrate Addict's Diet is a new invention but it was Jesus who told the Devil that "man does not live on bread alone" (Matt. 4:4). He realised that our desire to pig out on carbohydrate rich foods such as bread, pasta and potato chips is a Satanic temptation which we must resist with all our might.

Though not entirely a vegetarian, Jesus no doubt concurred with Proverbs 15:17 : "Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fatted calf and hatred with it."

In order to fully understand this proverb we have to first realise that when the word "love" is used in English versions of the Bible it is a translation of the Greek work "caritas", meaning "high in Vitamin A". This is the root word from which we derive the English term "carrot", itself a root vegetable.

This proverb is pointing out that it is better to eat vegetables or herbs with a high level of Vitamin A than to increase one's cholesterol by consuming fat-rich meat products. To consume too much fat leads to the lack of social approval ("hatred") that is so often shown towards fat people.

It was through a steady diet rich in Vitamin A that the blind were again able to see. We all know that carrots help you to see in the dark, whether that darkness be of a spiritual or external nature.

But will this diet help me to lose weight I hear you ask? Of course it will. A heavy person could hardly walk on water.

For more Biblical dietary advice just send $55 to: 

One Born Every Minute Pty. Ltd.
c/o The big spender by the roulette wheel,
Caesar's Palace
3570 Las Vegas Blvd.
Las Vegas, NV 89109

You will receive my special set of 12 audio tapes and, as a special bonus, two free booklets entitled, Did Pontius Pilate Suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? and Was Judas High on Twinkys™ When He Betrayed Our Lord?

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