Woody Allen once said that sex was the most fun he'd ever had without laughing. But laughing and sex are not mutually exclusive. Horniness brings on undignified behaviour, and it is all the more fun if we are in on the joke. This blog is a celebration of the funny side of sex and the sexy side of humour. As an author of erotic stories I like to show that sex is more fun when it is playful and silly.

You can find my humorous erotic ebooks on I-Tunes, Kobo, Barnes & Noble and Smashwords. They are always free!!!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

A Chubby Card Sharp : A Sunday Snog

Victoria Blisse has created a new institution know as the Sunday Snog. You can find out more about it (and find links to other contributions) at her blog. Basically, the idea is to post a kissing extract from one of your stories (or perhaps write a new one for the occasion.) Today's snog is an extract from my short story Strip Poker With Tina which you can find in my first ebook Inappropriate Behaviour and Other Stories.

A Chubby Card Sharp

This was the first time I had met Tina "in the flesh" (an appropriate term as she has a lot of it), but we had been chatting on the net for over a year.

There was something incredibly erotic about knowing, as I shut my front door behind us, that I could touch her anywhere, take off all of her clothes right there, do anything I wanted with her, with none of the usual preliminaries. We had cum a hundred times together as we chatted on the net. We were old wanking buddies. Now we were going to live out what we had only talked about then. My cock grew stiff in my pants just thinking about the fun we were going to have over the next few days.

We could have just torn off each others clothes and fucked right there on the floor, but I had a feeling that it would be more fun for both of us, if we took it slowly, revelled in the experience of being able to play together at last. But first I wanted to make it clear to Tina that I knew that she was mine and that I was hers. I grabbed her big soft arse, covered by her long red skirt which fell to her ankles, and pulled her hard into me making sure she could feel my stiff cock against her belly. Our mouths met hungrily, opening to let our tongues play together wetly.

"Whose got a stiff cock, then?" Tina asked, playfully, going to unzip my jeans.

"Now, now," I said, pushing her hands away. "There'll be plenty of time for that."

"Awww," Tina pouted. "I've imagined sucking your cock so many times, and now you won't let me see it."

"All in good time, Tina," I told her, "you young girls are too impatient. When you get to my age you realise that pleasures should be savoured as they are soon over at the best of times. Rush through life at the speed you want to go at and you'll have nothing left to look forward to by the time you get past 25."

Tina wasn't listening to my lecture, she was too busy looking around my humble abode.

"Hey, here's your computer," she cried, excitedly. "So that's were you sit and play with yourself while I tell you all about how wet my pussy is and how much I want to suck you off. I kind of expected it to be covered in crusty layers of dried cum, considering how much wanking you do when you're online. I always imagine your cock spurting like a hose pipe when you cum."

"You may be a little disappointed in the reality then," I warned her.

"You mean you don't have a twelve inch cock that's as big around as my wrist and covers the ceiling every time you cum?" she asked.

"You've got some imagination," I told her, "I have to give you that."

"Don't worry, David," she said. "I won't be disappointed. It's your dirty mind that attracts me, not the size of your willy."

"Well, that's reassuring," I admitted.

"But it doesn't mean that I don't want to see you naked," she explained. "You've got way too many clothes on." She brushed her hand gently down my cheek and pressed her warm, soft lips briefly against mine.

"Well," I said, "if you want me to strip you are going to have to use some means of persuasion."

"How about a game of strip poker?" she suggested.

"And if I get my fellow player to strip, I get to poke her?" I asked.

"Oh, you'll get to poke her, anyway," she assured me. "Don't you worry about that."

"The only problem is that I don't know how to play poker," I pointed out.

"That's O.K.," she replied. "I'll teach you."

I never knew that Poker was such a complicated game, but Tina was a good teacher. And incredibly lucky it seemed. In half an hour she had me down to my jeans and underpants. She hadn't had to take off anything.

"But isn't this hand that I have now a Full House, just like you had when you made me take off my left sock?" I asked.

"Yes, but I have a 3 of clubs in my hand. You didn't have a 3 of clubs when I had my Full House. If anyone has a 3 of clubs in their hand that means that the hands are swapped. So now I have a Full House and you have to take off your jeans," she explained patiently.

"Oh, all right," I replied, undoing my belt, unzipping my jeans and pulling them down and off of my legs. My stiff cock was threatening to poke out of my underpants at any stage.

"Mmmm, nice stiffy," Tina complimented me.

"Royal Flush," declared Tina proudly on her next turn.

"Ah, hah," I replied, proud of myself for at last starting to get the hang of the game, "but now I have the 3 of clubs, so your Royal Flush reverts to me. Right?"

"Well," said Tina hesitantly. "it would if it were anything but a Royal Flush. The Royal Flush is what we call a boomerang hand. In the presence of a 3 of clubs it returns to the person who first held it."

"Damn!" I said, looking down at the garment that was only barely covering my decency.

"It's Showtime!" Tina crowed triumphantly.

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